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For the record, I followed his lead throughout the relationship. Literally just a month before this happened, he was talking about us traveling together and moving together. He said, "I'm looking for a new job in a place we will both like!" And he invited me to move with him when the time came. So I felt very much betrayed when he changed his mind.
Sorry to hear all that, OP. Odd that things would change so suddenly after 8 months. Do you have any idea what happened to cause that? He just became unhappy with his life and his job, and couldn't stand it anymore?
7 months is a young relationship. You two barely know each other.
Don't forget to take control of your life and make sure you get what you want. Let him work out his issues and finances. Sit him down and tell him you don't want him to stress out so let's just be friends. Advise him that you two can communicate while he's in another state. Start preparing your mind to date other people. He doesn't seem to think there is a future with you and doesn't seem concerned about preserving what you have (the relationship). It's a young relationship, you aren't loosing anything.
I'm not trying to be rude but some of you women are so focused on getting someone you get too attached way too soon. 7 month is no time and then when you're asking questions your acting as if he has total power of what is allowed to happen. I'm not trying to be mean but it's like:
"he said"
"he told me that"
First of all he sounds young. As a man he does need to find a career path and financial stability. That is important.
Find yourself, your voice, your value. Relax on relationships, 7 months is almost too early to deeply care so much. It sounds like you are all in and he's trying to make a way to get away from the intensity of the relationship you are most likely creating or maybe he met someone on vacation. Good luck.
While I agree that I may have cared too deeply for only having been with him for seven months, he was the one that created the highly intense relationship you were talking about. Literally just days before he "flipped the switch", he had purchased me some gifts and held me in his arms for hours. Not to mention-- as I stated in another reply-- he was the one that was encouraging me to move with him. I didn't even mention anything to him! He told me about his plans to move and invited me without any prompting, coercion, or hinting around.
For the record, I've never been that focused on men. He is literally the only man I have dated in years. I wasn't even looking for a relationship when he found me. He pursued me relentlessly, swept me off my feet, and then dumped me on the ground and shamed me for being hurt.
Sorry to hear all that, OP. Odd that things would change so suddenly after 8 months. Do you have any idea what happened to cause that? He just became unhappy with his life and his job, and couldn't stand it anymore?
It seems so. But he said some very hurtful things to me towards the end of the relationship. And literally blamed me for everything that went wrong...
It seems so. But he said some very hurtful things to me towards the end of the relationship. And literally blamed me for everything that went wrong...
I'm assuming that none of it rang true? Or if he had grievances, he'd never tried to communicate them before, he just bottled it all up, so you were clueless that anything was wrong?
If so, you don't need someone like that. Communication is key to a good relationship.
I tried to end the relationship three times, and each time he tried to invalidate all of my arguments for leaving him. The truth was, I had never pressured him into anything. I think we got too close for comfort, and even though he was the one urging the relationship in a serious direction, he backed out once it got "too serious"-- which was entirely his doing.
I'm assuming that none of it rang true? Or if he had grievances, he'd never tried to communicate them before, he just bottled it all up, so you were clueless that anything was wrong?
If so, you don't need someone like that. Communication is key to a good relationship.
No, none of it was true from my perspective. He basically told me I was disposable, and when I reacted, he blamed me for it. I told my friends and family everything that went on, and they all believed that I made the right decision by ending the relationship.
I tried to end the relationship three times, and each time he tried to invalidate all of my arguments for leaving him. The truth was, I had never pressured him into anything. I think we got too close for comfort, and even though he was the one urging the relationship in a serious direction, he backed out once it got "too serious"-- which was entirely his doing.
So, he was confused, and didn't know what he wanted through the relationship. Then tried to blame you. It also sounds like he likes to be in control.
Well, consider this a learning experience. Next time, proceed more slowly (don't move in so soon), and look for someone who doesn't rush the relationship, doesn't try to sweep you off your feet (always suspect, IMO), and take time to evaluate the person before getting too emotionally (and physically) involved.
So, he was confused, and didn't know what he wanted through the relationship. Then tried to blame you.
Well, consider this a learning experience. Next time, proceed more slowly (don't move in so soon), and look for someone who doesn't rush the relationship, doesn't try to sweep you off your feet (always suspect, IMO), and take time to evaluate the person before getting too emotionally (and physically) involved.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, that makes sense. And thanks for your input. I really did try to take things slowly, but he kept moving forward and progressing towards more serious discussions and commitments... even when I told him I wanted to take things slowly. He had me emotionally locked-in less than two months into the relationship.
Yeah, that makes sense. And thanks for your input. I really did try to take things slowly, but he kept moving forward and progressing towards more serious discussions and commitments... even when I told him I wanted to take things slowly. He had me emotionally locked-in less than two months into the relationship.
Ha, then it's his own fault. Next time, when someone tries to do that, consider it a red flag. Wow. Too bad, OP. But it sounds like you dodged a bullet.
What did he say in the end? Did you remind him that it was him who kept pushing the relationship ahead prematurely, and who over-rode your reasons for breaking up, earlier? I wonder what his response to that would be. It sounds like he's not big on taking responsibility for himself.
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