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Hi.
My gf moved in with me about 6 months ago. Her kid is autistic, severly. i have several issues. First she appears not to notice the severity of his autism. He is 4, he is non verbal, destroys everything, not potty trained, doesnt follow simple instructions, screams and yells almost constantly, throws or wont eat anything except for 2 or 3 foods, shows little to no affection.
However she keeps saying he is "high functioning" and thinks he is a genius. She talks about him going to college etc.
However at other times she is totally beside herself with ftustratiom with this child.
The problem im having is that this kid is driving me nuts. i have 2 kids about the same age and they are starting to dislike him too. He breaks their toys, screams in the car and at night, hits and pulls their hair.
My gf flat out refuses to find a babysitter. We have gone out 1 time without her kid since she moved in(previosly she had a babysitter or family to watch him, but they are an hour away now) She is convinced that her kid will be beaten or abused by a babysitter.
Other problems im having, she is starting to ask me to watch her kid on days when she works(sometimes his dad wont watch him), he trashes the house but she blames my kids(again she denies he is basically out of control) she wont pursue the father for child support even though he makes 60k and doesnt see the kid more than a couple hours a day, and he dont participate in his therapy or dr visits, she is very depressed and overwhelmed, by her own admission, yet refuses to see a counselor. She constantly accuses me of cheating on her, which ive never done, i basically cant even see my friends without her making accusations, she always says i treat her badly, even though i cook all her meals, take care of the house, cuddle with her every night, give her free reign of the tv, watch her kid while she goes out etc.
Now shes hinting that she wants me to watch her kid this summer, since he wont be in school and she works(i work weekends only) , however i flat out refused because then i wont be able to spend time with my own kids, because i have to watch her kid every second.
Id hate to kick her out because i do love her, but somethings gotta give.
Give her the boot, they are not your problem nor are you obligated or indebted to her. Next time do a better job of vetting partners before you have them move in with you. You’re a parent for Christ sakes not a single bachelor.
I could have sworn though that there was some guidance to bump old threads instead of creating new ones on similar subjects but I could be mixing this up with the other sub-forums.
There are requests to update threads, but they do not mean use the thread to start a new topic under it. They mean revive the thread by commenting on the OP, which I don't really get, but so be it. You should always start your own thread. Almost everyone who comes on will not know you revived it at post #145, they'll start reading from the beginning and comment thinking the entire topic is new. I have had a few instances where I wrote long time-consuming answers to someone, then noticed I was responding to someone who asked for advice in 2010 and hasn't been back since. You won't get as good advice without starting your own thread.
I have dated a woman with three girls for 11 years.One of them has autism but thankfully is functioning well.The relationship has been an on and off relationship for years.Now the two oldest daughters are grown and out of the house.The daughter with autism is now 18 and stays with mom through the week and spends weekends with dad.Her oldest daughter had a autistic son,the father left the country,remarried,and is totally absent.The mother went to New York and is in the escort business,leaving the autistic boy with her.Our relationship has had it's own issues regardless of the fact that she has an autistic daughter.Naturally,I was hoping when the girls got older and moved away that we might have more time for us on weekends without having to care for children.That feels like it has been stolen away by her irresponsible daughter and the father.I was honest in telling her that we could still have a relationship,but that I was not willing to be a caretaker of her autistic grandchild.I would spend time with them,even showing affection to her grandson,but would not spend the night at her house when she was caring for her grandson.A boundry for my peace of mind,and also she has been sleeping in same bed as grandson and I said I would not be the man to push him out.She won't really hold her own daughter accountable financially and neither one of them have moved to go after father for financial support.We recently broke up because she said she was scared and lonely and wanted to share her life with someone(meaning someone to help her care for her grandson,spend nights with her,or move in),but won't admit to this fact.Her anger and resentment are directed at me passive aggressively.I have felt selfish to not want to take responsibility for what her mother and father should be held accountable for and feel that my girlfriend is enabling the parents and directing their responsibility onto me,also her resentment and anger that my life has free time and is open.Fortunately she does have some respite during the week for her time but weekends are without for our time.Stress levels are so high that there is no chance for intimacy or true time to just relax with each other.She also feels guilty if we have time together and her grandson is being cared by a sitter.I know I am not a selfish man,have given so much over the years,but now feeling it is best tomove on and let her find what she feels serves her needs better.I am not sure anything will ever be enough........
There are requests to update threads, but they do not mean use the thread to start a new topic under it. They mean revive the thread by commenting on the OP, which I don't really get, but so be it. You should always start your own thread. Almost everyone who comes on will not know you revived it at post #145, they'll start reading from the beginning and comment thinking the entire topic is new. I have had a few instances where I wrote long time-consuming answers to someone, then noticed I was responding to someone who asked for advice in 2010 and hasn't been back since. You won't get as good advice without starting your own thread.
No, I think they also mean that in certain cases you can start a new topic. This is particular to the location threads where they don’t want like 400 topics on people asking questions about moving to neighborhood X when many of those questions have been answered in questions 6 or 12 months before and not much has changed. I see threads revived regularly in the location threads and usually people will say “Hey I know this thread is a year old, but what has changed in this neighborhood since fall 2017? Is there anything I should know?” In those cases, the topic really is about moving to a neighborhood and the topic isn’t that different.
In this case, it is easy to miss the new question when it might be buried in several pages of threads.
There's no need to get hysterical about it. Plenty of people form stepfamilies--doesn't your own wife have a child from an earlier marriage? I'm not saying this particular scenario will work out, but the "never ever ever ever" bit was pretty silly.
I agree. Some people are very judgemental because they have never been in a situation.
To the OP, I work with children with behavioral disabilities. This child appears to have a behavioral disability, on top of being autistic. Autistic children can be very sweet and not violent.
That said, I always wondered how parents deal at home with children that have behavioral disabilities. We only need to deal with them during the school day. OP, this is it. This is what it's like. Unless you have some kind of training, you won't get the situation under control. Can the school help at all with the behavior? If he is autistic he must already have an IEP. There should be a behavioral analyst assigned in school. Reach out to them. Their job is to come up with a plan for the teacher and I have seen them send the plan home so they are all in the same page.
That said, it won't be easy. There is no magic cure.
There are requests to update threads, but they do not mean use the thread to start a new topic under it. They mean revive the thread by commenting on the OP, which I don't really get, but so be it. You should always start your own thread. Almost everyone who comes on will not know you revived it at post #145, they'll start reading from the beginning and comment thinking the entire topic is new. I have had a few instances where I wrote long time-consuming answers to someone, then noticed I was responding to someone who asked for advice in 2010 and hasn't been back since. You won't get as good advice without starting your own thread.
I agree. I mean, unless there is an active thread with the same topic (on every point) as your topic, then how could you get as good advice regarding your specific issue?
If someone (certainly doesn't have to be a mod) thinks your topic should be combined with someone elses topic they will request for a mod to do so and the mod will do it for them. I don't think you will get an infraction for feeling that your topic is not exactly the same as someone elses topic.
Having an autistic child is one of the hardest things on even a stable marriage and a stable primary parent - nearly always the mother. The strain corrodes the relationship and drives the parent batty.
...and that's in the best possible solution, with a strong marriage or equivalent, a child getting consistent and effective therapy and few or no money worries.
A casual living situation with someone else's kid over whom you have little or no control, with a mother who is obviously somewhere between denial and a rubber room... get out now and don't look back. There is NO good outcome in this, not for you and not for your kids.
No, I think they also mean that in certain cases you can start a new topic. This is particular to the location threads where they don’t want like 400 topics on people asking questions about moving to neighborhood X when many of those questions have been answered in questions 6 or 12 months before and not much has changed. I see threads revived regularly in the location threads and usually people will say “Hey I know this thread is a year old, but what has changed in this neighborhood since fall 2017? Is there anything I should know?” In those cases, the topic really is about moving to a neighborhood and the topic isn’t that different.
In this case, it is easy to miss the new question when it might be buried in several pages of threads.
I don't think that's what they mean, and I think that person will not be noticed especially as the new post gets 3-4 pages, most will start reading from post #1 and respond to that, wasting their own time.
I know this is an old thread but I m here with a happy story. I m the mother of a severely autistic child . I left my previous husband as I didn’t love him anymore although he didn’t want to end the relationship. Great man still present in Ethan’s life . When I started dating my first current husband he didn’t know wether he could handle a child with autism,such a generic term as if the child doesn’t have a personality beyond his autism..after 2 years of dating he moved in in my house,it was difficult at first as he kept comparing my son to neurotypical children ,bear in mind I raised my son with a lot of affection and love so he’s not destructive unless frustrated but can be tamed,he’s not violent whatsoever actually very cuddly and laid back so after 8 years of marriage and 2 of dating I’m here to tell you not to be discourage ldby children with autism,accept them,help them communicate and interact with them using “intensive interaction”,early intervention and support are vital for them to thrive. My son is the biggest gift for me and my family,his siblings adore him and so do the rest of the family.
I know this is an old thread but I m here with a happy story. I m the mother of a severely autistic child . I left my previous husband as I didn’t love him anymore although he didn’t want to end the relationship. Great man still present in Ethan’s life . When I started dating my first current husband he didn’t know wether he could handle a child with autism,such a generic term as if the child doesn’t have a personality beyond his autism..after 2 years of dating he moved in in my house,it was difficult at first as he kept comparing my son to neurotypical children ,bear in mind I raised my son with a lot of affection and love so he’s not destructive unless frustrated but can be tamed,he’s not violent whatsoever actually very cuddly and laid back so after 8 years of marriage and 2 of dating I’m here to tell you not to be discourage ldby children with autism,accept them,help them communicate and interact with them using “intensive interaction”,early intervention and support are vital for them to thrive. My son is the biggest gift for me and my family,his siblings adore him and so do the rest of the family.
That's nice to hear.
And going back to the OP - I always wonder why couples who already have problems decide to move in together and then wonder it won't work out. You should only decide to live together when everything feels right.
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