I have never pursued a woman in my entire life. (dates, long-term)
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I don't believe in pursuing women at all. Women should do the pursuing. Most men have a physical strength advantage over most women and this makes approaching women problematic on so many levels. Men are also wrongly told to "be confident" but this leads to over pursuing and quickly falls into creepiness and stalking. Depending on the woman and context, sometimes even a "Hello" is too much for a man to say to a woman.
For this reason, I don't believe in cold approaching anyone either. Women should do the pursuing and approach someone they already feel safe with and have known compatibilities. This would reduce the fear and creep factor.
I am absolutely certain this approach would reduce harassment and crimes against women and just plain reduced misunderstandings.
Is this behavior abnormal? especially for a man who would like women in his life(I'm 23)? Not even in high school have I flirted/pursued a woman. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I made this realization just now. I was reading this book and it said a man should approach a woman who he is attracted to, by making her attracted to him by building attraction through flirting. A typical mistake beta males make is try to become her friend and then try to build attraction.
I realize I wasted so much of my life and missed out on a lot. All the girls(in my age group) I know are on a "high, bye" relationship with me. Initially a girl will tolerate my company but then later she will try to avoid or simply greet and leave ASAP.
I'm considering meeting with this one escort so I can touch a woman and gain experience with them quickly. Only thing stopping me right now is that I'm cheap.
First off you are only 23 so slow down.
Secondly any book that contains the words alpha/beta, in reference to men, are only going to cause you more problems. Throw it in the nearest trash can.
Thirdly do not even think about going to an escort.
I am 45 and have never pursued women. I like them just fine, and have had several women friends over the years. I don't pursue because I know if they are interested they will show some sort of signs or even approach you. If not, they won't. Since I have never seen any interest from women clearly they are not interested. So I leave them alone.
You should should take a breath, calm down, and stop letting this issue define your life.
I don't believe in pursuing women at all. Women should do the pursuing. Most men have a physical strength advantage over most women and this makes approaching women problematic on so many levels. Men are also wrongly told to "be confident" but this leads to over pursuing and quickly falls into creepiness and stalking. Depending on the woman and context, sometimes even a "Hello" is too much for a man to say to a woman.
For this reason, I don't believe in cold approaching anyone either. Women should do the pursuing and approach someone they already feel safe with and have known compatibilities. This would reduce the fear and creep factor.
I am absolutely certain this approach would reduce harassment and crimes against women and just plain reduced misunderstandings.
Ok. This is not healthy. Hello is too much? I am not trying to be mean, but I would highly recommend therapy.
Is this behavior abnormal? especially for a man who would like women in his life(I'm 23)? Not even in high school have I flirted/pursued a woman. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I made this realization just now. I was reading this book and it said a man should approach a woman who he is attracted to, by making her attracted to him by building attraction through flirting. A typical mistake beta males make is try to become her friend and then try to build attraction.
I realize I wasted so much of my life and missed out on a lot. All the girls(in my age group) I know are on a "high, bye" relationship with me. Initially a girl will tolerate my company but then later she will try to avoid or simply greet and leave ASAP.
I'm considering meeting with this one escort so I can touch a woman and gain experience with them quickly. Only thing stopping me right now is that I'm cheap.
Does this post sound awfully "academic" to anyone? Maybe it is because the OP is reading about relationships in a book (or maybe not), but I feel like this is some kind of common core math/relationship problem and not any particular actual scenario.
OP, get out of books. Drop the beta/alpha nonesense (again, that sounds like it is out of a book or research paper, and not out of actual human interaction).
Stop putting women on a pedestal as some unreachable thing where you need to go hire an escort to "touch a woman" or "gain experience.'
If you are just now realizing you have not tried to pursue women, and are interested in forming a romantic relationship... just start being more social. Thats it. Put yourself in situations where you meet women, talk to them, get to know them, etc, just like a guy friend.
You will find, women, like men, are just people who like interesting and fun stuff and people. Eventually you will run across women with similar interests as you have, and who are also interested in you. Ask them on dates. Go out. When there is chemistry you will know.
Does this post sound awfully "academic" to anyone? Maybe it is because the OP is reading about relationships in a book (or maybe not), but I feel like this is some kind of common core math/relationship problem and not any particular actual scenario.
OP, get out of books. Drop the beta/alpha nonesense (again, that sounds like it is out of a book or research paper, and not out of actual human interaction).
Stop putting women on a pedestal as some unreachable thing where you need to go hire an escort to "touch a woman" or "gain experience.'
If you are just now realizing you have not tried to pursue women, and are interested in forming a romantic relationship... just start being more social. Thats it. Put yourself in situations where you meet women, talk to them, get to know them, etc, just like a guy friend.
You will find, women, like men, are just people who like interesting and fun stuff and people. Eventually you will run across women with similar interests as you have, and who are also interested in you. Ask them on dates. Go out. When there is chemistry you will know.
Does this post sound awfully "academic" to anyone? Maybe it is because the OP is reading about relationships in a book (or maybe not), but I feel like this is some kind of common core math/relationship problem and not any particular actual scenario.
OP, get out of books. Drop the beta/alpha nonesense (again, that sounds like it is out of a book or research paper, and not out of actual human interaction).
Stop putting women on a pedestal as some unreachable thing where you need to go hire an escort to "touch a woman" or "gain experience.'
If you are just now realizing you have not tried to pursue women, and are interested in forming a romantic relationship... just start being more social. Thats it. Put yourself in situations where you meet women, talk to them, get to know them, etc, just like a guy friend.
You will find, women, like men, are just people who like interesting and fun stuff and people. Eventually you will run across women with similar interests as you have, and who are also interested in you. Ask them on dates. Go out. When there is chemistry you will know.
This is a great post!
Often as I read these types of threads, I think to myself, there is no manual for this and it seems that is what many are looking for, and maybe why they fall into traps of PUA, etc. You can't find instructions on the internet because this is about people, their perspectives and their feelings. There isn't a formula or program to follow that will get you what you want because your choices and feelings are dependent on another's choices and feelings as well.
It seems that there are far too many people who either don't, can't or are simply unable to be in touch with their emotions, going on instinct, how something makes you feel. That's not ever going to be cured by hanging out looking for answers on the internet. Look at this subforum. Some days it feels like those who have never been in a relationship outnumber those that are, and I wonder why they spend so much time here. Those of us who are capable of forming relationships, LTRs, marriages, divorces and remarriages, we're not animals at a zoo where if you study us long enough, you'll figure it out. You have to go out and do and try for yourself, learn from trial and error to navigate the world and relationships.
To be honest there is nothing wrong with being friends with a girl and slowly moving into making a relationship with them, I don't see why one has to be lavish to date someone. I am 27 I don't date people that I am not friends with, I am female btw. But yeah just try to make friends and get to know them if they like you they will like you regardless if you flirt or not. I forgot to add do not pay for sex just make good friends that are willing to give it to you, I had no issues in that department. I always tend to talk to guys and be friend them so I already know them before I either choose to be friends with benefits or something else.
Last edited by Eleanoroftroy; 12-03-2014 at 07:08 AM..
I agree with what others said, you need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself to be in a relationship. What's the rest of your social life like? Do you have male or female friends?
I say you should just practice talking to girls first without any expectation of anything else. If you see a girl you like compliment her or just make small talk. This'll make you more confident without having to worry about flirting just yet.
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. You guys are really something else lol
