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Old 12-07-2014, 06:25 PM
 
Location: Austin/Houston
2,930 posts, read 5,256,177 times
Reputation: 2266

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant View Post
With all due respect to the OP's personal dignity, and his investment of time and emotions, and also to the psychological analysis conducted by participants in this thread, let's please the alternatives:

1) a sexless relationship fraught with stress, but at least a modicum of human contact.

2) abject isolation.

It's true that the OP's needs aren't being met. But pray tell: what is the alternative? Would those needs be met on the internet? By brisk hiking in the forest? Cold showers? Lounging alone in bed? The OP has found a person who has admitted him into her house (or trailer, as the case may be). Human companionship, sexual or otherwise, is a rare and precious thing. Let's not be so aggressive with dispensing with it, merely because our needs aren't fulfilled, or our expectations dashed.
I thought my post was more than fair.

I didn't fault or place blame on anyone person in the relationship.

Some on here just advised the man to drop her. I simply stated that the OP needs to look after his own needs as well. I read the OP's stance as almost being held hostage to stay in the relationship out of guilt and fear of hurting her and her son. He's not satisfied point blank, so I suggested that he might need to put a time limit on how long he's going to wait on her to give him what he needs and to be sure he re-evaluates the relationship from time to time.

I just don't want the OP to get to the point where he looks back and has regret, feeling like he wasted his youth on something that perhaps wasn't going to change. He may not see it now but if he puts himself aside for too long, it could lead to possible resentment in the future.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmantra View Post
Do some of you honestly believe that she would be content staying in a relationship where she is not having sex either?
We have no way of knowing that right now, but by the facts we're given, it seems that she has a lot of things going on in her life and sex is not at the top at the moment.
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Old 12-07-2014, 06:38 PM
 
125 posts, read 281,389 times
Reputation: 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by stoneclaw View Post
I thought my post was more than fair.

I didn't fault or place blame on anyone person in the relationship.

Some on here just advised the man to drop her. I simply stated that the OP needs to look after his own needs as well. I read the OP's stance as almost being held hostage to stay in the relationship out of guilt and fear of hurting her and her son. He's not satisfied point blank, so I suggested that he might need to put a time limit on how long he's going to wait on her to give him what he needs and to be sure he re-evaluates the relationship from time to time.

I just don't want the OP to get to the point where he looks back and has regret, feeling like he wasted his youth on something that perhaps wasn't going to change. He may not see it now but if he puts himself aside for too long, it could lead to possible resentment in the future.


She wasn't always like this, she has had a couple downfalls with her ms the past year or so, something's had to have changed in her body. Besides based on the conversation we hAd yesterday (that she initiated) it seems she doesn't want to be in a sexless relationship either. Based on her history it would not make much sense for her to be in a sexless relationship forever.


With that said you are right about a time limit, I am a very patient and compassionate man and sex is not as high a priority as it is for other men so I am going to give it another 6 months then I am going to have a very serious conversation with her.
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Old 12-07-2014, 06:53 PM
 
37,496 posts, read 45,805,567 times
Reputation: 57001
Um, the child is sleeping under the same roof and is still young enough to want to sleep in mom's bed?

Sorry, no support here. Neither of you nor the woman have any any business having sex with the son there in the house. If there is no family member that can take the boy for an evening, then get a babysitter and take her to YOUR house, otherwise, cool it. I know I am much more conservative than others are on this, but I won't change my mind on this. Been there done that, and the child, at this age, is FAR more important than either of your libidos. Grow up. I don't think either of you need to be in a relationship at this point.
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Old 12-07-2014, 07:04 PM
 
125 posts, read 281,389 times
Reputation: 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Um, the child is sleeping under the same roof and is still young enough to want to sleep in mom's bed?

Sorry, no support here. Neither of you nor the woman have any any business having sex with the son there in the house. If there is no family member that can take the boy for an evening, then get a babysitter and take her to YOUR house, otherwise, cool it. I know I am much more conservative than others are on this, but I won't change my mind on this. Been there done that, and the child, at this age, is FAR more important than either of your libidos. Grow up. I don't think either of you need to be in a relationship at this point.
Wow really?!!!

You need to chill out who said anything about me having sex with her when the child is in the house?!?!
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Old 12-07-2014, 07:16 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
11,195 posts, read 9,043,631 times
Reputation: 13948
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
I stopped reading at 6 months and no sex yet. Honestly, I'd cut your losses, does not seem like a salvageable situation.
Cut your losses. If you want you can remain friends with her but i don't see a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. She has a lot to handle with her son and bro.
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Old 12-07-2014, 07:19 PM
 
37,496 posts, read 45,805,567 times
Reputation: 57001
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmantra View Post
Wow really?!!!

You need to chill out who said anything about me having sex with her when the child is in the house?!?!
Sorry if I misread your post. You said that her son kept climbing into her bed. So, why would this be an issue for you?


Quote:
Originally Posted by jmantra View Post
Hi All,

her son sleeps in her bed and she can't seem to get him to sleep in his own bed.
.....
With her son, it seems every time she tries to get him to sleep in his own bed, he either does not sleep or comes back into the room.
??
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Old 12-07-2014, 07:28 PM
 
Location: Candy Kingdom
5,155 posts, read 4,605,647 times
Reputation: 6629
As an asexual, I'm glad you're patient with her and love her. Most guys don't like asexual women (at least in my experience). I have a thyroid issue, but I have always been asexual. It's not going to change and since it's not going to change, I avoid relationships because it's not fair for a man. I think you should do what others have suggested: take a good, long, hard look at the situation and assess if this is something you can do. Not because of the asexuality, but the health issues of her, her son and brother. She does have a lot on her plate. I would say communication is key and being honest.
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Old 12-07-2014, 08:26 PM
 
12,053 posts, read 10,226,066 times
Reputation: 24782
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmantra View Post
Do some of you honestly believe that she would be content staying in a relationship where she is not having sex either?
Yes, she is doing it now.

Did she have sex with her husband. Has their divorce been finalized. If it hasn't, maybe she feels guilty having sex while still legally married.
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Old 12-07-2014, 09:04 PM
 
125 posts, read 281,389 times
Reputation: 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Yes, she is doing it now.

Did she have sex with her husband. Has their divorce been finalized. If it hasn't, maybe she feels guilty having sex while still legally married.
They have been seperated since 2012, she had sex with another guy long before we got together so no that's not the issue.
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Old 12-07-2014, 09:11 PM
 
Location: So Cal
52,011 posts, read 52,464,357 times
Reputation: 52525
Not sure how to help out OP.... just as you introduce the situation I probably would have ran... sorry to sound a little callous, but, man.... an asexual woman, a special needs brother... I probably wouldn't have let it get to the point of attachment.........

Not sure if I could wait six months to have sex... I'm a grown man and I don't have all day.... I want a healthy sex life..... I ain't got time for a woman that doesn't want that... again... sorry to sound sort of crappy about it... but it is what it is...
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