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I think the the concepts are interchangeable to some extent, but I get your point. I agree; I strongly prefer a woman who is introspective and thoughtful as opposed to one who falls in love immediately and rushes into new relationships. However, my perceived shortcoming has always been to put my ego/pride first. In other words, I break things off in order to prevent myself from feeling like a chump. That might be working against me when it's all said and done.
If you push too much, you could also end up feeling like a chump. However, checking in very occasionally with someone you're interested in can't hurt. If she blows you off, you won't feel like too bad of a chump. To some extent, feeling like an idiot now and then can't be avoided. It's a hazard of the occupation.
To some extent, feeling like an idiot now and then can't be avoided. It's a hazard of the occupation.
Exactly. You might be surprised at how many guys I've known (including myself) who try to avoid that at all costs. In fact, my friend said the other day that it always feels better to break things off with them before they get a chance to break things off with you. He said this in the context of talking about women who don't show that much interest up front. Guys are typically very much concerned about protecting their egos/pride when it comes to pursuing women.
This might even explain some scenarios where flaking or ghosting was involved because one person didn't think the other person was that interested even though they may have been and just wanted to be pursued a little more.
Exactly. You might be surprised at how many guys I've known (including myself) who try to avoid that at all costs. In fact, my friend said the other day that it always feels better to break things off with them before they get a chance to break things off with you. He said this in the context of talking about women who don't show that much interest up front. Guys are typically very much concerned about protecting their egos/pride when it comes to pursuing women.
This might even explain some scenarios where flaking or ghosting was involved because one person didn't think the other person was that interested even though they may have been and just wanted to be pursued a little more.
hmm... well, you might be onto something here. Being too guarded isn't conducive to finding love. And there's nothing wrong with feeling like an idiot now and then. You just dust yourself off, and look forward to new prospects. Don't let it drag you down.
Have you thought about getting a few counseling sessions about this? There are people who are good at this sort of thing. A professional would be in a better position to assess you than we are, and to really flesh out the issue.
hmm... well, you might be onto something here. Being too guarded isn't conducive to finding love. And there's nothing wrong with feeling like an idiot now and then. You just dust yourself off, and look forward to new prospects. Don't let it drag you down.
Have you thought about getting a few counseling sessions about this? There are people who are good at this sort of thing. A professional would be in a better position to assess you than we are, and to really flesh out the issue.
Well, I'm not sure counselling would be practical at this point. I mean, I'm already aware of the potential issue, it's just a matter of deciding the course of action that is most beneficial. I was just wondering what women felt about this possible solution (persistence as opposed to giving up quickly), either through their own first hand accounts or perspective.
Well, I'm not sure counselling would be practical at this point. I mean, I'm already aware of the potential issue, it's just a matter of deciding the course of action that is most beneficial. I was just wondering what women felt about this possible solution (persistence as opposed to giving up quickly), either through their own first hand accounts or perspective.
This is why it's so tricky. As I said before, there's a delicate balance to be struck. Persistence from the wrong guy, who doesn't get that she's just not into him, or they don't have anything in common, or whatever, can come across the wrong way. Or it can work, if it's with a gentle touch, like Kiki's example.
I'm not suggesting anybody force another person into something against their will. But let me give you an example of how no doesn't necessarily mean a firm no.
I have a friend who has a FWB. Initially, they went on an OLD date and I believe the girl said she wasn't interested. However, down the road she got in touch with him again. So they started hanging out eventually. On one of the first occasions, she went over to his place. They were fooling around a bit, flirting, touching, etc. He tried to push the envelope (sex), but she kept telling him "no". According to him, though, it wasn't a firm no. So throughout the time they were together, he kept trying to push the envelope. Eventually, she went into his room and essentially threw herself at him. They've been hooking up for several weeks.
Also, look at strawberrykiki's example of her ex-husband. Similar situation. She wasn't initially interested, but they wound up married.
When a woman tells me no, I move on. She isn't interested and I'm not gonna persist. No means no to me.
I was just talking to someone the other day about how they met their fiancee. She said she didn't really like him that much at first but after being friends for a year (they hung out with a lot of the same people) she finally agreed to go on a date with him. They'll be getting married in the summer.
A friend met a guy through OLD back in September. The whole time she's insisted it's low key / casual / nothing serious. Well they met each other's parents a few weeks ago and plan on going on a cruise together for the holidays.
I think the the concepts are interchangeable to some extent, but I get your point. I agree; I strongly prefer a woman who is introspective and thoughtful as opposed to one who falls in love immediately and rushes into new relationships. However, my perceived shortcoming has always been to put my ego/pride first. In other words, I break things off in order to prevent myself from feeling like a chump. That might be working against me when it's all said and done.
It probably does.
Perhaps it's better to date around in the early stages. Don't aim for exclusivity. Just go out on dates with whomever you choose until you settle down with the one that you find you click with best.
That way, if one of the ones you're dating gets all weird on you and you feel like it's a waste of time, you have other people you enjoy being with, so it doesn't matter so much.
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Often times, I think people are quick to give up on a prospective mate. Granted it's based on fiction, but I see so many romantic movies/stories where the relationship developed as a result of persistent wooing from one of the two parties. I'm consistently guilty of giving up after putting in minimal effort of trying to woo a woman. If there's even the slightest hint of disinterest from her, I throw in the towel immediately. The best way to describe my mentality is that she should be really into me pretty quickly for me to put forward any more effort in pursuing her. Otherwise, I feel like I'm wasting my time. That said, I wonder how many potential relationships I have walked away from in my life if I had only put in more effort to show my interest in that person.
What if I (or other men in general) didn't do that? Do you think this would work the majority of the time?
That is in movie scripts. Its called staking now days.
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