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Old 12-13-2014, 09:57 AM
 
Location: canada
268 posts, read 645,557 times
Reputation: 119

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I liked this girl a lot and i've posted about her before. For whatever reason she doesn't want to be involved in a relationship but she still talks to me entirely too much for not wanting to be in a relationship. It is not fair for me to invest myself in her if she wont invest in me.

We've fooled around before and we are both physically attracted to each other.

As of recently I realized I need to stop caring and move on for numerous reasons, primarily I am becoming depressed and don't even get hungry anymore. I just can't do this any more if I don't know for a fact that it isn't going anywhere. It feels like a waste of resources (time and emotions)


Normally in these situations when a girl tells me she doesn't want anything like a relationship. She backs off and does not keep talking to me. But for whatever reason she won't stop texting or calling and talking about the most casual of things, her problems, all kinds of random stuff, then ask me about my life.


So I figure I have three options in this situation to move on but I don't want to ruin any future hook up possibilities or any other future possibilities of things evolving

1. Stop responding and ease off slowly with communication.

2. Sit down and have a serious talk.. Ask what her intensions are with us? Are we friends with benefits? Are we just taking things super slow? Are we just going to be friends and nothing more?
-If she said the third one I would stop talking to her as I do not see her in that light.

3. Start going on other dates and still hold strong in communication in the hopes that something fizzles out but if it doesn't maybe I will have other girls I am even more interested in




Has anyone out there been through this before? I mean why in the hell would she keep talking to me. I feel like a rude jack a** if I just completely stopped responding. But I am human and unfortunately I have a strong emotional connection to this one (I didn't chose this part) and if she is still talking to me every day but we aren't hanging out, flirting or evolving our connection I can't do this because it continuously depresses me.

The only way for me to move on I have come to learn is to completely cut a girl out of my life and with time I stop caring because she is not in the picture any more.


Please help.
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Old 12-13-2014, 10:03 AM
 
3,350 posts, read 2,840,523 times
Reputation: 2258
Cut off her completely
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Old 12-13-2014, 10:07 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115947
I vote for option #2. Ask, then tell her you're more into her than she seems to be into you, so the non-relationship is depressing you, and you'll need to cut it off if that's all it is. I think it would do her good to have a mirror held up to her so she can see how she's taking you for granted and kind of using you. It would give her something to think about, even if you write her off. Fading out would be letting her off too easy. If you feel like she's jerking you around, she should know that, you should tell her that.
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Old 12-13-2014, 10:10 AM
 
Location: canada
268 posts, read 645,557 times
Reputation: 119
@ruth for truth. #2 is an ultimatum and I am afraid she would just walk away, ending the possibility of anything and maybe make her want to go with someone else.

but you are right... I am giving way too much of myself to her for how little of her self she is giving to me... For example I hung out with her most of last weekend and we mainly did things that she suggested. Which is totally fine because its just one weekend and I have fun hanging out with her I don't care what we do. Anyways I invited her to do stuff this weekend and I got shafted completely.


I mean telling me you are at least sorry or giving an alternative day to hang out would be nice.
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Old 12-13-2014, 10:12 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115947
Quote:
Originally Posted by goofball83 View Post
@ruth for truth. #2 is an ultimatum and I am afraid she would just walk away, ending the possibility of anything and maybe make her want to go with someone else.
She might walk away, anyway. That's why you ask, first, and see what she says. If her answer is that you're just friends, then you tell her how she's made you feel. At that point, you'd have nothing to lose, anyway.
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Old 12-13-2014, 10:13 AM
 
Location: D.C.
2,913 posts, read 2,437,454 times
Reputation: 4005
Sounds to me like she is not interested in you for more than a friendship. You on the other hand, want more. This will never work, and in this case you need to tell her you can't be friends with her and move on. If she keeps trying to text you or call you just don't answer or respond. Eventually, she'll get the message. And yes, I've had this happen to me several times.
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Old 12-13-2014, 10:17 AM
 
Location: canada
268 posts, read 645,557 times
Reputation: 119
The word "friends" in this case makes me sick to my stomach and want to vomit.


How do i initiate this talk... with out looking too emotional?
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Old 12-13-2014, 10:19 AM
 
Location: D.C.
2,913 posts, read 2,437,454 times
Reputation: 4005
Quote:
Originally Posted by goofball83 View Post
The word "friends" in this case makes me sick to my stomach and want to vomit.


How do i initiate this talk... with out looking too emotional?
Just call her and calmly explain how you feel.
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Old 12-13-2014, 10:21 AM
 
Location: No longer in Queens, NY
863 posts, read 1,126,402 times
Reputation: 1074
I've been in this situation before and chose option #3. Magically, she wanted to be in a relationship with me almost immediately after she saw that I'd start focusing on other women .
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Old 12-13-2014, 10:23 AM
 
Location: canada
268 posts, read 645,557 times
Reputation: 119
To add more context the texting conversations are 90 percent of her talking about her self and she does not inquire anything as to what I am doing or how I feel...
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