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Because she is voluntarily choosing to be a single mother, and wants a child just because it's now or never, and is envious of her friends who have kids. It is a selfish reason.
Thus, the child will be raised by a daycare/nanny and occasionally a workaholic mother, have no father, and there is no immediate family in the area.
Yet, you still think that it is a wise idea? Or is it just a girl power thing.
Do you know how many people I work with who leave their kids with nannies or at daycare and they have two working parents in the household? Are they better parents than this woman? If this woman wants a family, has the financial means to do so, and is emotionally stable, there's nothing to say that she can't single parent. It's not as if she's a pregnant teenager or anything. She's a grown woman who's clearly responsible enough to understand her situation. If she wants a family and sees that she really has no other option, why should she deny herself a family? Like you said, she has no family around her, no man, and works non-stop. She probably feels very empty and wants a life outside of work.
Besides, people in the workplace are harsh on single women and always expect them to put in extra time and to go the extra mile if they're single and don't have kids (I've definitely experienced that!). Maybe she realizes they'll cut her some slack once she has a child and has an excuse to work less. At this point, she has no "real" reason to leave work. Having a child will give her outside responsibilities and a reason to get out of work more. I say good for her!
Do you know how many people I work with who leave their kids with nannies or at daycare and they have two working parents in the household? Are they better parents than this woman? If this woman wants a family, has the financial means to do so, and is emotionally stable, there's nothing to say that she can't single parent. It's not as if she's a pregnant teenager or anything. She's a grown woman who's clearly responsible enough to understand her situation. If she wants a family and sees that she really has no other option, why should she deny herself a family? Like you said, she has no family around her, no man, and works non-stop. She probably feels very empty and wants a life outside of work.
Besides, people in the workplace are harsh on single women and always expect them to put in extra time and to go the extra mile if they're single and don't have kids (I've definitely experienced that!). Maybe she realizes they'll cut her some slack once she has a child and has an excuse to work less. At this point, she has no "real" reason to leave work. Having a child will give her outside responsibilities and a reason to get out of work more. I say good for her!
There are better ways to achieve work/life balance than having a child, and dropping it off at daycare not long after it's born.
OP, does she work at home, or go to an office? Has she discussed this with her parents? You mentioned she's in another country; is this not accepted where she's from?
There are better ways to achieve work/life balance than having a child, and dropping it off at daycare not long after it's born.
OP, does she work at home, or go to an office? Has she discussed this with her parents? You mentioned she's in another country; is this not accepted where she's from?
I wasn't suggesting she use the child as a means of work/life balance, but that if she has a child that she truly wants, her work will likely be more lenient in their expectations of her. Like I said, I work with a lot of people where the husband and wife both work 60-80 hour weeks and their kids are in daycare. Is it ideal? Not really, but that's what happens with two working parents. How is her situation any less different than a two-parent household that drops their kids off at daycare? Do we judge them less harshly than the single mother?
There are better ways to achieve work/life balance than having a child, and dropping it off at daycare not long after it's born.
OP, does she work at home, or go to an office? Has she discussed this with her parents? You mentioned she's in another country; is this not accepted where she's from?
She works at an office, and she is the owner and only employee really. She has not told her parents, and it is generally not accepted where she is from.
I imagine she would probably just find a suitable guy, and after she is pregnant, just tell everyone a guy she was dating got her pregnant, and then they broke up. That would be more acceptable in the culture than what she is actually planning.
I wasn't suggesting she use the child as a means of work/life balance, but that if she has a child that she truly wants, her work will likely be more lenient in their expectations of her. Like I said, I work with a lot of people where the husband and wife both work 60-80 hour weeks and their kids are in daycare. Is it ideal? Not really, but that's what happens with two working parents. How is her situation any less different than a two-parent household that drops their kids off at daycare? Do we judge them less harshly than the single mother?
That's a fair point, but the OP said his friend was a small business owner and wasn't able to take any time off, no holidays or vacations. So she's already working more than full time. I don't see how she could juggle having a baby with the full plate she already has.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fargobound
Who really wants to be raising kids in their 50's?
Who really wants to risk having a baby with downs?
A dog makes a lot more sense.
Good point. The friend if she conceived may give birth to a kid who has special needs. Raising a special needs kid is super hard in a nuclear family even. Single parenting makes it that much harder.
Who really wants to be raising kids in their 50's?
Who really wants to risk having a baby with downs?
A dog makes a lot more sense.
I know women who are raising teens in their 50's and even into their early 60's. I've known a couple of women who each had a child at 51, after a 3rd marriage, each to younger guys who wanted a family. Everyone's doing fine. Thriving, even. High achievers. But all these women are married, so they're not doing it alone. A couple of them have demanding careers, too.
I'm 45 and terrified at the thought of raising kids.
That terror is somehow healthy.... if that makes any sense.....
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