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I would like some advice as well as venting because I need to get this off my back. So let me start off by saying I am young (18), I know I have a lot of years ahead of me, and would wish to enjoy them instead of stressing out over this relationship I've been in.
I met my current boyfriend in March 2013 when I was barely 17 years old (Now I am almost 19) and I did really like him, when I met him -- he was 19 about to be 20 and did not have a car or job or went to school at the time, but I did not mind that due to the fact I figured I was not in a rush to move out or anything since my graduation date was well over a year away. As time passed by, things never changed....Now I am about to be 19 in 2 months, and he still doesn't have a job. That is my main problem with this relationship. He is almost 22 and has never had his first job, he lives off his family who struggle with bills and despereately need him to get a job but he's just so lazy....literally all he does is play video games all day. Let me clarify that I don't mind video games as a hobby as I play with him when I can but he will be playing them from 1pm-3am at night with 30 min breaks somewhere in between. That's ridiclous. I just want him to be productive. And when he isn't playing, he will go hang out with his friends and smoke. His excuse is that he doesn't have a car so he doesn't want a job, also says he doesnt want to take the bus because he has no money and doesn't want to be late to work with it. As for school, he literally has no excuse to not go. I myself don't have my license yet but I do online classes full time...I tried helping him get into school but he was just being lazy about it and wouldn't finish any paper work.
There are fast food places by his house which he has applied to (or so he has told me) but REFUSED to call them back or show up to show his face and be persistant about it. Me telling him actually pisses him off. Everytime I mention I desperately want him to get a job just ends with us fighting and him acting like a child and threatening suicide on me because I'm "being a ***** and pestering him" which apparently makes him hate his life? It's getting ridiculous here, and I'm sick of it. He's literally done that **** to me 5 times, twice where he claimed he was "Walking to the train tracks to go get hit by the train so he can end it" and only didn't because I begged him not to. The only reason I did is there could always be the chance he will do it...right? I do still care.
He has also told me I am mostly the reason that he wants to kill himself at times and that I AM abusive...let me also mention I am not abusive and I do not call him names or anything. I just pester at him to get a job and to grow up a bit and apparently my actions drive him to the edge....don't see how.
Anyways....along with my rant, I just don't know what to do. I know our relationship isn't healthy and I'm scared to leave honestly. I've never really had a real breakup, as my last breakup went smooth and we both agreed. I know for a fact when I break up with this one -- all hell will break lose and I will get bombarded with text messages, suicide threats, etc. I know I can't stay...as much as I want him to change I know he wont. I have tried explaining to him that threatening suicide to someone is abusive and even then suicide isn't the answer. I have a feeling he's just being manipulative but I still can't find it in me to break up with him. Part of me still loves him, but I know I need to get out of this unhealthy relationship and just focus on my own life and what not.
I'm so annoyed. He's not doing anything with his life. Like right now, he's been at his friends house for 4 days straight smoking weed and playing video games.
Well there's my rant....can anyone give me some input? I haven't had to break up with someone yet, I have been the one getting broken up with. So I don't know how to do things....Let me also mention I see him like twice a month. So I don't know if it's even worth it to go see him and do it.
Very tricky to give advice on something like this. Take any advice and realize it is based solely on what you've written.
He could be and sounds possible that he is depressed, and sounds like he could use counseling.
You should feel valued in a relationship, but maybe by his actions in his mental state he doesn't know how to escape his own rut and give you attention.
Problem here is you age and body of work/time spent together. Yes you do have your life ahead of you, and if you now invest your heart and soul into helping him, you "may" lose years of your life trying while life and another potential mate pass you buy. Plus, is the love and a deep connection between you? Did you "commit" to each other as an exclusive relationship?
If you choose not to invest yourself in him, since you're already only seeing him twice a month, maybe you should just start living life without getting into any official break-up thing. Again, not sure in your situation if you could, but just go and have fun and be with people who make you happy. Don't force contact him - let him reach out to you.
You don't have to put up with this. You are not the cause of any of his problems. Get a book on codependency. He is a video game addict big time, and you are well along the road to being a codependent if you aren't already there.
Threatening suicide to win arguments is emotional abuse and manipulation. It is no better an abuse than if he physically hit you. Whatever other reasons you already have to want to end this relationship - this one alone would be reason enough.
Familiarize yourself with the numbers and contact methods for the local authorities of police, medical and so on (perhaps a visit to the police is in order for this too) and then end the relationship.
If (or when) any abusive or suicidal text messages come in - do not rise to them or respond to them. Instead - as quickly as possible - alert both the family he lives with - and the authorities with whom you familiarized yourself above - of them and then move on.
He has learned abusing you in this way gets a reaction / win for him. So he will be expecting a reply - a response - or for you to relent. Do not do any of this. Merely inform the people who need to be informed - and ignore.
I would like some advice as well as venting because I need to get this off my back. So let me start off by saying I am young (18), I know I have a lot of years ahead of me, and would wish to enjoy them instead of stressing out over this relationship I've been in.
I met my current boyfriend in March 2013 when I was barely 17 years old (Now I am almost 19) and I did really like him, when I met him -- he was 19 about to be 20 and did not have a car or job or went to school at the time, but I did not mind that due to the fact I figured I was not in a rush to move out or anything since my graduation date was well over a year away. As time passed by, things never changed....Now I am about to be 19 in 2 months, and he still doesn't have a job. That is my main problem with this relationship. He is almost 22 and has never had his first job, he lives off his family who struggle with bills and despereately need him to get a job but he's just so lazy....literally all he does is play video games all day. Let me clarify that I don't mind video games as a hobby as I play with him when I can but he will be playing them from 1pm-3am at night with 30 min breaks somewhere in between. That's ridiclous. I just want him to be productive. And when he isn't playing, he will go hang out with his friends and smoke. His excuse is that he doesn't have a car so he doesn't want a job, also says he doesnt want to take the bus because he has no money and doesn't want to be late to work with it. As for school, he literally has no excuse to not go. I myself don't have my license yet but I do online classes full time...I tried helping him get into school but he was just being lazy about it and wouldn't finish any paper work.
There are fast food places by his house which he has applied to (or so he has told me) but REFUSED to call them back or show up to show his face and be persistant about it. Me telling him actually pisses him off. Everytime I mention I desperately want him to get a job just ends with us fighting and him acting like a child and threatening suicide on me because I'm "being a ***** and pestering him" which apparently makes him hate his life? It's getting ridiculous here, and I'm sick of it. He's literally done that **** to me 5 times, twice where he claimed he was "Walking to the train tracks to go get hit by the train so he can end it" and only didn't because I begged him not to. The only reason I did is there could always be the chance he will do it...right? I do still care.
He has also told me I am mostly the reason that he wants to kill himself at times and that I AM abusive...let me also mention I am not abusive and I do not call him names or anything. I just pester at him to get a job and to grow up a bit and apparently my actions drive him to the edge....don't see how.
Anyways....along with my rant, I just don't know what to do. I know our relationship isn't healthy and I'm scared to leave honestly. I've never really had a real breakup, as my last breakup went smooth and we both agreed. I know for a fact when I break up with this one -- all hell will break lose and I will get bombarded with text messages, suicide threats, etc. I know I can't stay...as much as I want him to change I know he wont. I have tried explaining to him that threatening suicide to someone is abusive and even then suicide isn't the answer. I have a feeling he's just being manipulative but I still can't find it in me to break up with him. Part of me still loves him, but I know I need to get out of this unhealthy relationship and just focus on my own life and what not.
I'm so annoyed. He's not doing anything with his life. Like right now, he's been at his friends house for 4 days straight smoking weed and playing video games.
Well there's my rant....can anyone give me some input? I haven't had to break up with someone yet, I have been the one getting broken up with. So I don't know how to do things....Let me also mention I see him like twice a month. So I don't know if it's even worth it to go see him and do it.
Thank you so much...I just don't know what to do.
Read the words you just wrote then ask yourself if you "still can't find it in me to break up with him".
If your answer is yes, you can't find time then things are not as bad as you are trying to portray with your written words or you like being treated this way.
Either way, it is your choice to continue to live like this or not.
Based on your article, this is all what I can say knock your heart and ask " is this what I want" I think you know the answer better than us. Smoking weed and video games? Do you really want this?
Threatening suicide to win arguments is emotional abuse and manipulation. It is no better an abuse than if he physically hit you. Whatever other reasons you already have to want to end this relationship - this one alone would be reason enough.
Familiarize yourself with the numbers and contact methods for the local authorities of police, medical and so on (perhaps a visit to the police is in order for this too) and then end the relationship.
If (or when) any abusive or suicidal text messages come in - do not rise to them or respond to them. Instead - as quickly as possible - alert both the family he lives with - and the authorities with whom you familiarized yourself above - of them and then move on.
He has learned abusing you in this way gets a reaction / win for him. So he will be expecting a reply - a response - or for you to relent. Do not do any of this. Merely inform the people who need to be informed - and ignore.
This is why one of my female friends told me she would ditch a guy as soon as it was clear he was a loser. She doesn't want to risk spending any time with a loser because there is always the chance he can worm his way into her heart. This seems to have happened to the OP. This guy can start doing drugs or hitting you and still you would claim it is difficult to leave him because you are ruled by emotion, not rationality.
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