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Probably the biggest difference for you is that you actually have guys (of all varieties) coming up to you asking you out. I don't have women coming up to me asking me out on the reg. I wish it worked that way, but it doesn't, and it seems to be that way for most guys from what I can tell. Another one of my personal issues is that I don't think I'm aggressive enough. I don't ask a lot of girls out. I just don't. It's likely a pride/ego thing. Anyone can criticize me about it, but I guarantee the same insecurities are what keep women from asking out men (because typically they do not). So, as I mentioned earlier, I more or less end up with the low hanging fruit that do make themselves more available to me.
So, women do make themselves more available to you - but they are "low hanging fruit," and the ones that you do want, you don't go after. Well, maybe the ones that you want get a lot of men willing to make a move on them - so they don't have to ask men out. If you had a lot of quality women that you were attracted to asking you out - would you ignore them or would you pick the ones you wanted to date? You may think that insecurities are what keep the women you want from going after you - but chances are they have a lot of other men going after them so they don't have to ask men out. It's not the women that you need to blame - it's the other men that are going after them.
For a time, the only person who had a crush on me was a guy. To make it worse, it was the ugliest guy I've ever seen... to top it off, he was a stalking, pathological lying, control freak. Even if I was gay, I wouldn't touch him with a 1000 mile pole. And then, if I was that unfortunate to be attracted to him, I can guarantee it would be one of those extremely violent relationships that...
...ugh.
But yeah, with the people you are not attracted to, you have to make it clear to them that you feel nothing for them which I know you have. Some people will not take no for an answer. If it gets to be too much, then you are going to have to take actions to get that person off of you.
It was bad enough having my stalker on me for about two years. I can't imagine 7 years of stalking.
My current lady is kinda edging towards the clingy side. However, I don't mind. She kept coming, and then I saw something about her that I liked and realized... she is actually a stunner.
They aren't stalking me.
It's the "I'm gonna stick around and be friends with her, and win her over." type of thing.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
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I have it happen where the only girls who seem to be interested in me are girls who I don't have one ounce of physical attraction for. It is so disheartening to me, I've just stopped dating because of it. What good is it to date if the only girls that want to date me are ones I could never get excited about sexually?
So, women do make themselves more available to you - but they are "low hanging fruit," and the ones that you do want, you don't go after. Well, maybe the ones that you want get a lot of men willing to make a move on them - so they don't have to ask men out. If you had a lot of quality women that you were attracted to asking you out - would you ignore them or would you pick the ones you wanted to date? You may think that insecurities are what keep the women you want from going after you - but chances are they have a lot of other men going after them so they don't have to ask men out. It's not the women that you need to blame - it's the other men that are going after them.
I wasn't blaming anyone. This is not another male vs. female dating issues thread. I just pointed out the difference between Lilac's situation and mine.
I wasn't blaming anyone. This is not another male vs. female dating issues thread. I just pointed out the difference between Lilac's situation and mine.
If you don't want it to be another male vs. female dating issues thread - then don't turn it into one. You said that you guarantee that it's insecurities that keep women from asking men out. My point is that the women that you are probably interested in don't have to ask guys out because guys ask them out. It's not an insecurity thing - it's a supply and demand thing. I have asked guys out before - but usually they asked me out. It wasn't insecurity that kept me from asking them out - it was the fact that they all beat me to the punch. Or rather, the guys that I ended up dating or having a relationship with made a move on me before I had the chance to.
If you don't want it to be another male vs. female dating issues thread - then don't turn it into one. You said that you guarantee that it's insecurities that keep women from asking men out. My point is that the women that you are probably interested in don't have to ask guys out because guys ask them out. It's not an insecurity thing - it's a supply and demand thing. I have asked guys out before - but usually they asked me out. It wasn't insecurity that kept me from asking them out - it was the fact that they all beat me to the punch. Or rather, the guys that I ended up dating or having a relationship with made a move on me before I had the chance to.
Well, I'm going based on what I've been told by my female friends and others whom I have talked to. Sure, part of it is supply and demand. That case has been exhausted on this forum as you are probably well aware. I was just pointing out that a lot of women additionally don't do the asking out because they also fear the rejection. Tell me I'm lying.
Well, I'm going based on what I've been told by my female friends and others whom I have talked to. Sure, part of it is supply and demand. That case has been exhausted on this forum as you are probably well aware. I was just pointing out that a lot of women additionally don't do the asking out because they also fear the rejection. Tell me I'm lying.
I'm just trying to have a conversation with you. I'm sorry if you are getting upset. I'm just trying to point out that you have to actually reach for the high hanging fruit if that is the fruit that you desire. If you are not happy with your dating life, then you are the only one who can change it. One of my closest friends has had absolutely no dating life in the 5 or so years that I have known her. I know that she wants to get married and have children so I try to gently nudge her to putting herself out there. I'm trying to encourage her to try online dating and to try to go out more with her friends so that she can meet more people. Doing nothing is not working for her - so if she wants to get somewhere, she is going to have to start doing something. If what you are doing isn't working for you, then you are going to have to start doing something different.
In terms of telling you that you are lying - I wasn't trying to tell you that you were lying in the first place. You said that women don't ask men out because they are insecure. That is probably true for some women -maybe even many women. But my point is that a lot of attractive, awesome women get asked out by the people they desire so that they don't have to ask men out in the first place. That isn't insecurity. You are talking about all women - I'm talking about specific women.
Well, you thought wrong. In the past, I couldn't talk to them because I had bad anxiety around attractive women. Now, not so much. Believe or not, having an attractive therapist does work.
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