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Old 12-18-2014, 06:54 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,017,204 times
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Back in September, i was dating and spending time with a guy I grew up with. We have always had some weird connection /bond. For instance we have always kept track of each other over the years, even if we were in relationships. We get along wonderfully, and very similar in so many ways. However...

Our dating ended with him going back to his ex gf the beginning of Oct. They are now engaged. He would send me a message or so every few weeks. I last heard from him a month ago when I got back home from a two week vacation outside of the country. He was just checking to make sure we had a good time and I made it home safely.

Well this week he passed me on monday morning and sends me a text that passing me, makes him question his decision. He misses his relations with me and has a crappy sex life with her.

He knows I would never be the other woman and I am definitely dating to find a husband. I have said he needs to do whatever will make him happy. He said one day I will make a husband very happy and he wishes it could be him... He said if he did what makes him happy would hurt other people. When I asked him to explain he said he has a habit of making decisions that effect more than just him and him being selfish would not be good for anyone.

I do not get it. Why are men so complicated? Life should not be so difficult. Find the one that you are happy with and enjoy life... It is that simple.
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Old 12-18-2014, 06:56 AM
 
321 posts, read 291,758 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
Find the one that you are happy with and enjoy life... It is that simple.

It is? Then why haven't you done it?
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Old 12-18-2014, 06:57 AM
 
Location: Denver, CO
2,387 posts, read 2,207,207 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
I do not get it. Why are men so complicated? Life should not be so difficult. Find the one that you are happy with and enjoy life... It is that simple.
If it were that simple, as so many people allude to on here, none of us would be single that don't want to be. Men aren't complicated. The whack jobs you pursue seem to be though.

Last edited by Lafleur; 12-18-2014 at 07:23 AM..
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Old 12-18-2014, 07:02 AM
 
7,274 posts, read 5,259,910 times
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As a man, I do not believe this sort of over thinking is gender related. Some people try too hard to make others happy before themselves, which may be the case here. Sometimes one cares so much about not hurting others that it affects their decision making. If people in general could just be true to themselves (being good and honest...etc.), realizing that you may indirectly hurt someone without malice, that's how life should work.

It should be as simple as find the one you are happy with period. But when you focus on others before yourself, you may put that simpleness in your blind spot.
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Old 12-18-2014, 07:07 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,017,204 times
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Originally Posted by mustelid1971 View Post
It is? Then why haven't you done it?
I have been happy in the last couple relationships. For whatever reason I find guys that have no idea how to be happy.
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Old 12-18-2014, 07:07 AM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 19,939,093 times
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This is not complicated. He was not interested enough in you (or you in him) or both together to pursue a relationship towards marriage. However, at the moment, it sounds like he might be having some buyers remorse with current fiance and is looking for a potential familiar outlet in you even if it is nothing with long term prospects.

I would shut this down, not communicate to him about it, and move on. He needs to handle his relationship, and you have no incentive or reason to risk your own emotions here.
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Old 12-18-2014, 07:15 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,017,204 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by metalmancpa View Post
As a man, I do not believe this sort of over thinking is gender related. Some people try too hard to make others happy before themselves, which may be the case here. Sometimes one cares so much about not hurting others that it affects their decision making. If people in general could just be true to themselves (being good and honest...etc.), realizing that you may indirectly hurt someone without malice, that's how life should work.

It should be as simple as find the one you are happy with period. But when you focus on others before yourself, you may put that simpleness in your blind spot.
He has a LONG previous history of hurting others. The new and improved him is doing his best to stop doing that.
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Old 12-18-2014, 07:16 AM
 
321 posts, read 291,758 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
I have been happy in the last couple relationships. For whatever reason I find guys that have no idea how to be happy.

If you're happy, and they're not happy, then obviously it isn't simple.

It's also pretty odd that one person can be happy in a relationship when their partner isn't. That is rather a harsh indictment.
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Old 12-18-2014, 07:19 AM
 
Location: Earth
4,575 posts, read 5,174,363 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
He has a LONG previous history of hurting others. The new and improved him is doing his best to stop doing that.
Then he shouldn't be texting an old flame behind his SO's back. Seems he hasn't grown much, or he backslides fast.

It's not gender-specific complication. Some people are just selfish, and/or like drama. And if others wouldn't put up with crap and drama, things may go smoother. Not be "easy" exactly, but less time wasted on people who think it's all about them, or wanna play alot of games.

Just as this guy. if you won't be a mistress, why bother with his pity party and crap? Cut him off, and go about your business, and let him handle his own. If his sex life is bad, sounds like he needs to be talking to his woman, not trying to find a mistress, or not be in a relationship with her at all if he found the sex was bad. Hell, the sex may be great, but he wants to hook up with you too, so he'll tell you bad stuff about the relationship that may not even be true.

Last edited by HappyRain; 12-18-2014 at 07:33 AM..
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Old 12-18-2014, 07:24 AM
 
11,558 posts, read 12,019,307 times
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It could be that he's using you right now as an 'emotional bridge'. Meaning that the gal he was, or even may still be dating, is not going as well as expected and he needs someone to help improve his attitude.

It's up to you if you want to be his temporary emotional band-aid . . . realizing that whatever attention he pays to you will be short-lived.
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