Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My best friend has been close friends with this guy for over a year. She tells me they have been "just friends" (at different times, one or the other of them is dating or involved with someone else), but it seems to me that at one time maybe they were involved, at least emotionally. I think they were both too scared to pull the trigger. But past conversations would indicate that they truly are friends and that they truly care about each other.
BUT. She tells me that as of late, their contact has gotten very spotty. He says he's crazy busy with work, but he's always been a busy guy. His work situation changed about six months ago, so yes, possibly he's just super busy. He does respond to her texts. He does initiate texts. But he doesn't stick around long enough to actually have a conversation. At this point, neither one of them really knows whats going on in each other's lives. She's waiting for him to circle back around, bcs that has been the pattern. He disappears or is barely in touch, and then suddenly he'll text and they'll have a monster text exchange. But she told me that last week she texted him something sweet about something they had done together last Christmas and he barely responded. So now she feels like an ass and feels like maybe he's been trying to shake her loose this whole time and she's just been too clueless to take the hint ( the limited interaction, the limited responses = slow fade?)
That particular incident makes me think she's right. But it doesn't jive with other stuff: He reached out to her when he lost his dog of 15 years around Thanksgiving. He gifted her one of his favorite albums around Thanksgiving. He called her last week. The conversation got cut short and he was supposed to call back, but he didn't. But I guess they used to be in constant contact, so even those things don't amount to how they used to be with each other)
She asked me if I thought she should just stop trying so hard to keep a dying friendship alive. I think maybe this is more than a friendship to her, and that's why she's so entangled. I don't see her this worried about my response time! Haha
Is he pretty much her ONLY friend, besides you? Because I have lots of friends, some I talk to once a week, some I talk to a couple times a year and I've never stressed about this. He talked to her within the past month...What more does she want with a guy that's just her friend? People have lives, they live them...they get busy.
I think that as we get older, it is harder to make a connection with people. How many REAL friends do you people have? And what is your age range? So "Move on" may be the right advice, but it doesn't make it easy advice to follow.
I ask because I've realized that most of my friends are old friends. My adult friends are far and few between (maybe bcs of moving or maybe bcs I have a family now so most of my friends are parents of my kids friends and are friendships of convenience). I've read that most adults do not have many close friends. Work and family can make it almost impossible to maintain them. My friend is single but in her early forties, so the connections get harder to make bcs everybody else is "busy"
So this situation doesn't seem all that strange to me. My friend has many friends, but not many deep connections. The nature and intensity of their contact over the past year made her think he was somebody she could count on. SHe and I have an expression: "Forever Friend". We are that to each other. It seemed like he might be one of those people too. I think she is realizing that it wasn't susatainable or that she was wrong (even worse). Maybe she is just mourning the loss of what she once perceived to be a close friendship. Or maybe she was secretly in love with him and isn't admitting it even to herself.
It sounds like your friend likes this guy as more than just a friend. I have friends of varying degrees. I have a couple friends I talk to almost every day, some a couple times a week, and some maybe every few months. It depends how busy we are, distance between where we live, etc. I can honestly tell you I don't keep track of who texts or calls who first, or worry about how long it takes them to reply, or if they don't seem excited to talk to me. Worrying about response time and the enthusiasm of their replies is something I pretty much only worry about with someone I'm dating.
It sounds like this guy considers her a friend, but not a top priority in his life. Which is okay IMO - you can't be everyone's top priority, but that doesn't mean they don't care about you. She either needs to accept this level of friendship, or move on.
LOL, if she wants a conversation, then she needs to make a call. Texting isn't the way to truly communicate. There is too much translation/assumption, when you can't hear a person's tone, etc....I don't understand how a person can know another for a year, and still be scared to put her big girl panties on and ask the guy....
My advice is anything that is more involved than "be there in 5 min" should be done over the phone.
LOL, if she wants a conversation, then she needs to make a call. Texting isn't the way to truly communicate. There is too much translation/assumption, when you can't hear a person's tone, etc....I don't understand how a person can know another for a year, and still be scared to put her big girl panties on and ask the guy....
My advice is anything that is more involved than "be there in 5 min" should be done over the phone.
That is how I feel too.
Call him or talk to him in person.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
