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Now I know I’m going to get ripped up for this, but perhaps I deserve it. I figured since you all gave input at a time when I asked for help, I’d tell you how the story ended. It’s sort of funny, and sad, and predictable and NO; I am not making any of this up.
In January I returned to campus and valiantly worked up the courage and made a plan to tell her how I felt. I think it was on the 23rd that I took her to the library under the pretext of “studying” for a project we were starting to work on in a composition class. This is the part you’re going to love, I sat her at a table inside a nook in the library on the second floor which overlooks the entrance. It was about 12-12:30ish on a Friday, so nobody was in there except staff. We were alone. We talked casually for a little while, at which point I told her I had something important to tell her. I took out my iPod and laid it on the table, I played the song “unchained melody” in orchestral, the same version from the soundtrack of the movie “Ghost.” As this roughly four minute song played, I gave a speech in which I said I loved her and she was perhaps the most unique, beautiful and genuinely stunning woman I had ever met. I extolled her personality, I spoke at high points with passion during the crescendos, and slowed down and spoke simply during the lulls. Not exactly the performance I had drilled for twice in the last day. Honestly, I didn’t speak as well tuned with the music as I’d had liked to. I did not say, “with that being said, ‘I love you’.” until after the song ended. I reached again into my bag and pulled out a rose I had made out of origami paper. She said she was “flattered” and that what I did was “sweet” and “brave.” We talked for an hour after that, mostly about what she wanted to do over summer. After that, I walked her to class, thanked her for her time, and nearly skipped home. Felt great, of course, ignorance is bliss.
That weekend, she told me that she had begun seeing another guy about a week before I came out with my feelings. I conceded to defeat, thinking it was only temporary. I knew the guy and figured he wasn’t suitable for her so they would not last long. They lasted from the end of January until about the same time in March.
The rest all took place in the last couple weeks. Here’s the part you did not see coming.
So, upon returning to campus from spring break (mid-March), my friend who was since January trying to help me get over her met her for the first time. They started talking a lot and hanging out, they drank together maybe 2 or 3 times and started to get really close. I noticed they started to get very friendly. Before that, any time I’d talk about her despite being “over” her, he’d say, “If you talk about her again, I’ll f*** her.” I took him seriously and vehemently asked him not to. Slowly but surely, they got close and one night I discovered she was sleeping over at his apartment. This made me sick, angry, and I felt betrayed. I Should Have expected it, but alas, I guess I’m too faithful yet in humanity.
I rationalized it like this, he and she are so compatible, like, really they are. She just got over a breakup AND he’s transferring schools at the end of this term (in like 19 days.) Plus, if she had just latched onto me like that, there would have been no way I’d have resisted it either. The reason I’m writing this is because of what I found out happened earlier that night. She got undressed, and ran around his apartment naked, letting him, his roommate, and his roommate’s girlfriend feel her. What?
They both told me that they felt bad about it. About “doing that to me.” I ensured my friend that whereas I resent him for it, I’m not willing to let this happening sour our relationship. I’m not talking to her anymore, for any myriad of reasons you can read here. I can’t stand to be around her either, like physically near her. It’s not that I’m only simply angry, but that I’m abhorred, repelled, mortified. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before, I come from a very conservative community. According to everyone here on campus I talked to, this is normal behavior. I simply cannot accept that. I cannot either bring myself to call her a ****, because I genuinely believe this was a case of her falling for my friend as he simultaneously did for her.
It’s not like any of this matters anymore.
You had her pegged as some kind of Madonna, and she showed you she's human. She never owed you anything, and especially not to live up to the Goddess standard you set for her. Do you see it would have never worked between you because you had her so high on the pedestal she wasn't even human anymore...no woman wants to try to live up to that.
In the future, way too over the top, the music, the rose, etc. Too much!
According to the women giving advice here don't be too much of a nice guy and be more of a jerk. Less romance, more douche. Give the women what they want.
I agree the OP is clearly willing to do what it takes, just doesn't know what to do. He needs to get out and violate some comfort zones and see how it really is with girls.
Wow man, the whole unchained melody bit was way too extreme. I would stay away from your so-called friend and the girl. Neither seem to have any kind of respect for you.
Stop becoming infatuated with girls you are attracted to. I've done it and it doesn't help one bit. They put their pants on 1 leg at a time just like everyone else.
Also, stop being so nice and romantic. I haven't seen a girl go for that stuff in a long time. You have to slam them against the wall and slap them a few times in order to get them to notice you. Na, a bit extreme on the opposite spectrum but don't compliment them a lot at first. Make fun of them a little and joke around with them as if they are just another friend. Showering girls with compliments at the beginning makes you seem desperate.
Wow man, the whole unchained melody bit was way too extreme. I would stay away from your so-called friend and the girl. Neither seem to have any kind of respect for you.
What ever happened to just telling her "hey lets go out for a drink or two after class on Thursday." It's dudes like you who give the rest of us decent dudes a bad name. Again, stay away from here. That kind of sh*t will get you a restraining order quicker than you can say city-data.
What ever happened to just telling her "hey lets go out for a drink or two after class on Thursday." It's dudes like you who give the rest of us decent dudes a bad name. Again, stay away from here. That kind of sh*t will get you a restraining order quicker than you can say city-data.
Are you referring to me giving decent dudes a bad name or the OP? I'm confused by your post and quoting me.
Hi, I want advice. I'm obsessed with a girl who I believe to be the most beautiful woman I've ever met.
I'm in college. During this past term I met a girl who is one of the most confounding and amazing people I've ever met. We had a class together, and we both participated in the big activity that one of our campus clubs hosted. Anyway, on our last day of actual instruction in the class she pulled me aside and asked me if I wanted to study together for the exam. I handled it cool and we studied together (with her friend she brought with) for about 4 hours. Of course we didn't study. It almost immediately devolved into us talking about ourselves, our beliefs, our opinions on current and past events(her friend studied separately). Needless to say, after 4 hours of talking with the girl who when I first saw here I thought, "She is so hot, too bad she's 10 leagues above me so it'll never happen." I was pretty chipper. Since then we talked over Christmas break on Facebook messenger and I've been on cloud nine since the weekend before finals when we studied. She hasn't talked to me in 3 days since then and its really got me down.
Anyway, she had a boyfriend, who she met on campus back in August, but they're now on a "break."
She is not only the most beautiful girl old out there, she's one of the nicest girls, and certainly the nicest beautiful one, I've ever met. She's altruistic, caring, thoughtful, and intelligent. She's not afraid to speak in front of crowds, she has a legitimate care for everyone. She has a soft spot for mentally challenged people, especially children.
Funny, smart, confident, and kind?
This girl is as close to an angel as I've seen em' come and I'm totally obsessed with her. She's all I've thought about and talked about since then. My issue is, I consider myself to be in the 70-75% range as far as potential mates/boyfriends come and she is truly without question in the 95-110% range all factors considered.
What do I do? I'm miserable at the idea that it can't work, and I'm depressed at the fact that it reasonably can't. In fact, I'm afraid to say that I've wasted the past months of knowing of her and weeks of truly knowing her fantasizing about a girl that wasn't meant for a man like me. One that I can not have.
Tips, Comments, Suggestions?
Regards.
Your problem is that you are putting all your eggs in one basket based on looks. Bad idea.
Also, if you are the type of person who is "falling head over heels" based on looks, maybe you're a bit shallow and as a shallow Hal, why would you "deserve" a girl who seems "perfect"?
My advice would be to fix yourself first and become a better person....not saying you're a bad person, you're probably a decent enough guy, but if you want to hit a home run in the dating world, you need to become someone who is "Deep" not someone who flips out over hotness.
The most quality daters out there aren't looking at looks at all, they're looking for substance and heart...if two people who have substance and heart meet up, they have a shot to make something magical, if one of the two people is superficial or shallow, its not as likely to work.
Your problem is that you are putting all your eggs in one basket based on looks. Bad idea.
Also, if you are the type of person who is "falling head over heels" based on looks, maybe you're a bit shallow and as a shallow Hal, why would you "deserve" a girl who seems "perfect"?
My advice would be to fix yourself first and become a better person....not saying you're a bad person, you're probably a decent enough guy, but if you want to hit a home run in the dating world, you need to become someone who is "Deep" not someone who flips out over hotness.
The most quality daters out there aren't looking at looks at all, they're looking for substance and heart...if two people who have substance and heart meet up, they have a shot to make something magical, if one of the two people is superficial or shallow, its not as likely to work.
OMG, where have you been, WS Kid, during all the threads insisting women don't really want substance and heart, they say they do, but they go for jerks and money? You need to visit us more often. And we need to make your last paragraph there into a sticky! Ladies, here's one who gets it!
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