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Does anyone have any perspectives or experience on how this and the attendant scatterbrained, hyperfocused at time behavior affects relationships? Id be interested in hearing from folk dating someone with ADd or if you have it or suspect you are. Im pretty sure I have it myself...though I have my strategies to keep from literally leaving a paper trail im certainly not perfect. Id imagine this would not bode well for someone prone to anxiety for example.
Does anyone have any perspectives or experience on how this and the attendant scatterbrained, hyperfocused at time behavior affects relationships? Id be interested in hearing from folk dating someone with ADd or if you have it or suspect you are. Im pretty sure I have it myself...though I have my strategies to keep from literally leaving a paper trail im certainly not perfect. Id imagine this would not bode well for someone prone to anxiety for example.
I have ADD, and have learned the most important thing is to accept yourself and only choose partners who you can be yourself with. I used to pretend to be different in early stages, I would have my apartment all cleaned and shiny (luckily they never looked in the closets, where I tossed everything) but eventually the "real" me, the one who must leave my mail out in plain sight on the table because "out of sight = out of mind" for me...the one who drops crumbs all over and rubs the in with my feet versus getting the vacuum out....that girl eventually comes out of hiding and that's when things fall apart.
Now I don't hide who I am, anyone who chooses me chooses me flaws and all, just as I will. Not to say I don't manage my ADD, I use many strategies that allow me to succeed in life, have excellent credit, not lose important things, etc. It is not an excuse, BUT it will never change, I will always have this. If someone tells you they can only be with you if you promise to be neater, or to never be late, wish them well and say goodbye, because that relationship is not going to work.
I was diagnosed with ADD when I was six. Only thing is you may seem like you aren't paying attention, you have to make the extra effort to look them in the eyes for instance.
It's not like dating someone with a bipolar disorder. That's a time bomb.
I don't have much insight, but I have something to give you a little confidence. My uncle has ADD and he's a ladies man and always has been. I am not sure how he does it, all I know is he's always had a girlfriend (usually a really pretty one too). He's also very outgoing and friendly and he genuinely cares about other people, so that might overcome what setbacks his ADD present.
ocjngirl: bahaha that wraps things up pretty well. I've wondered what it is like to have everything tide down. I was conversing with a coworker-who would fall on the "neat and anxiety prone" side and realized that some of the stuff that ADd people deal with would drive some other people to tears. A good friend called me over the phone when his wallet dissapeared and I remember systematically and happily going through all procedures that now needed to occur.
I definitely don't think I'd want to date someone else who also had it though. Although two forgetful people might equal the safety net of one regular person
jiliabean: D'aww thats pretty cool. I think that the traits that come with ADD is simply a set of strengths and weaknesses-energy and enthusiasm is usually one that comes with it. I am sure that a girl will come along that will see me as more than an eccentric, but nice dude will come along...but she's going to have to be something else I think!
I have ADHD and as long as I take my meds there's not really any relationship issues, although he has asked me a couple of times if I'd remembered to take them.
It's can be pretty obvious if I miss more than a couple of days.
I've been dealing with ADD for 32 years so far, since my actual diagnosis. I was on the highest dose of Ritalin allowed.
I'm still messy at home. I'm sensitive. So guilty-feeling at times that I should have been Catholic (so they tell me, I have no patience to sit through church so I don't attend...)
I can't stand clutter. It clutters my mind. And I can go from 0-60 in my annoyance of people who create clutter in my space. My husband and kids know this.
SQUIRREL!
Wait, what was I saying?
It's hereditary. If you plan on having children, expect it. Be pleasantly surprised if you don't experience it in your offspring.
Oh yeah - I get distracted easily and should have invested in 3M post-it notes. I had a client once (when I decided to have a photography studio for awhile) who worked for 3M and he gave me post-it notes...
OK, wait, where were we?
Dealing with the ping-pong thoughts of dating\loving ADD partners....
Being impulsive can create challenges for partners. Like shopping on a whim, or banking by instinct...."I *think* there's enough money in my account, so I'm going to buy this right now", or deciding on a different career path. Suddenly.
These are all aspects of ADD. Absolutely manageable, but it does take (IMO), a kind, understanding partner who isn't going to get wrapped around the axel when there is a sudden change. Because ADD people tend to get wrapped up enough for everyone around them, so it does help when there is a calming force in our lives.
That said, ADD people can be completely amazing with regard to loyalty, friendship, understanding, and their sensitivity to others. Often times, we are pretty smart, too. But, not always the best at articulating thoughts due to the sheer volume of stimuli that passes through our brain. No joke.
Ultimately, the key is to be yourself, know your limitations and your worth to others, and own it.
I think hyperfocusing tends to create interesting problems too.
I wonder if Thomas Edison had it in some form...according to the tales he apparently stayed late at night in the lab working on something the day he got married...totally forgetting until he was reminded. Something like "Oh, it is very late I should go home. I got married today!"
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) but eventually the "real" me, the one who must leave my mail out in plain sight on the table because "out of sight = out of mind" for me...the one who drops crumbs all over and rubs the in with my feet versus getting the vacuum out....that girl eventually comes out of hiding and that's when things fall apart. 
