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Sorry, English is my third language. Excuse me for my bad grammar English.
Been dating for One year already, Both are in their late twenties, lives in the same hood.
Pros:
Girlfriend is the 'understanding, compassionate' type. She always put herself in your shoe. She accept your rough childhood, and financial circumstances. She never once judge you.
She understand the only blood family member you have left is your mother. And knowing your mom have health problem, she also wants to help take care of your mom.
When ever she over at your mom place, she help your mom cook, and help clean. She also helps pitch in her own working money to help buy more groccery for your mom.
She knows you are poor, and your tight financial situation. Therefore she never once asked you to buy her anything. Never asked for holiday gifts, or asked you to take her anywhere.
In all the dates, she voluntary to pay half half on dates. Because she know you doesn't make alot of money, so she try to help out by put in her own share of pay half the bills.
On first date, she told you to take her to "Coffee" date. On second date, she cooks you Chinese food. After one year of dating, she still cook for you.
When you happen to work night shift. She wake up to cook you food in the middle of the night, so you can have food to eat after back from work.
Girlfriend is poor too, but she have her own job, and she is Financially Independent. She always pay for her own things with her own money, never ask you for your money.
You were the first guy she sleep with, so she is boring in bed. Her culture doesn't teach her to push you down demand sex. But she give you all the sex you want/need, whenever you initiate it.
She never turn you down on sex. You are not lacking sex in the relationship.
Cons:
Girl grow up with a dysfunctional mother. Mother did belittle/mentally abuse her throughout her childhood.
But girl did move out away from her mother for more than a decade ago. The mother is no longer in the picture, and no longer in her life.
Becasue of her dysfucntional childhood. She can't seem to give in fully to you on the motional level.
She feels terrible that she only can give you the physical sex for you to get off, cook and clean for you; but lack the emotional attachment during sex.
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Sometimes she feel that you better off without a girlfriend like her. So for men, can you be in a relationship like this?
Will you be happy with all the things she do above for you, despite she having a hard time give in emotionally during sex?
Can you tell the girl care for you? Should she just dissapeared, so you can go find someone else?
Please vote on the poll too , thank you for your time. Happy New Year to all!
Magnatomicflux,
The girl in the topic is me. I am the girlfriend. I try my best to make him happy in the relationship.
The sex is fine, he sure enjoy sex (physically) I can give him the physical sex, so he can get it off when ever he have the needs. He not lacking sex from me.
It just that I have trouble give into him fully on the emotional level during sex. I'm trying to let him in emotionally, but I still can't seem to find myself give in 100% yet
I don't know if it FAIR for him to continue stay with me. I feel that I am torturing him mentally because I can't connect with him 100% on the emotional level.
He doesn't think it torture by being with me, but you know sometime men say things they don't mean. Who know how he actually think inside his head.
I make this thread becasue I want to hear the Men opinions on this, see if they Okay with being in a relationship like this.
btw, I don't think all the 'Pros' things I do for him is acting like his mom, I do it out of love and caring for him.
But I will make sure to ask him if what I do is acting like his mom though; funny I just never see like that way before.
Magnatomicflux,
The girl in the topic is me. I am the girlfriend. I try my best to make him happy in the relationship.
The sex is fine, he sure enjoy sex (physically) I can give him the physical sex, so he can get it off when ever he have the needs. He not lacking sex from me.
It just that I have trouble give into him fully on the emotional level during sex.
I'm trying to let him in emotionally, but I still can't seem to find myself give in 100% yet
I don't know if it FAIR for him to continue stay with me. I feel that I am torturing him becasue I can't connect with him 100% on the emotional level.
He doesn't think it torture by being with me, but you know sometime men say things they don't mean. Who know how he actually think inside his head.
I make this thread becasue I want to see the Men opinions on this, see if they Okay with being in a relationship like this.
btw, I don't think all the 'Pros' things I do for him is acting like his mom, I'm just a kind person in general.
But I will make sure to ask him if what I do for him above is acting like his mom though; funny I just never see it like that way before.
Oh...lol
Well I think it sounds like you are a good person, and a caring girlfriend, but you just need to work on connecting with him. If he seems genuinely happy to be with you, I would take his word for it that it is not torture. So long as you try and work on that issue, keep going. But make sure you are communicating your needs/concerns with him, if he doesn't know already. Help him, help you connect emotionally.
For what it's worth, I didn't see the "pros" as acting like a mother, either.
Why bogus? You never see an woman who helps her man pay half half on dates, or cook & clean for him? Or you never see a woman who grow up having a dysfunctional mother in her childhood?
Well sorry to break it to ya, but there are people who struggling in life right now. And there are people who have emotional baggage from their childhood.
And there are woman out there who have their own job, and are Financial Independent. I'm one of them.
Might amaze ya, but the world have 7 billions people, so anything is possible. Maybe you live in a bubble?
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Thank you Magnatomicflux,
I'm working on it everyday. It just even till today I still can't find myself give in to him 100% on the emotional side.
He can't just expect me to snap out of it immediately. I do have a dysfunctional childhood, it build walls up inside to protect myself emotionally.
I don't know when I can snap it out completely, but I sure don't have extra thousand of dollars to spend on Therapy. I live alone and every month I have to pay rents, bills, insurance, etc..
I do admit sometime I think he better off finding another girl, who can give in fully to him on the emotional side.
So if you were the BF in this situation, would you 1) Break up with her or 2) Stay because the Pros outweight the Cons, and just let she work out her emotional baggage.
We have no problem communicating. We talks to each others about everything, I'm a talkative, bubbly girl. The only problem is I can't seem to connect with him 100% emotionally during sex, and I can't find myself to say the 'lovey dovey' words to him.
I think you are judging yourself too harshly. In fact, I can't believe you get out of bed and prepare his food in the middle of the night. You are a good woman.
Do you think he wants to leave you because of sex? That's a two-way street that requires communication. If he is not working with you, lovingly, to make that experience better for both of you, then he is equally responsible. Don't blame yourself.
No man should make his partner feel "less than". It sounds like you do most of the work in this relationship to make him happy. What does he do for you?
If he leaves, you should see it as a sign that HE is not good enough for you. Don't disparage yourself.
And if all he needs is for you to say loving words to him, become an actress in bed. Practice saying various sexy words and phrases, like in a movie, while you are alone until you feel confident. Later, say a few of those phrases at the right time in bed.
Eventually, you'll mean what you say once it feels natural.
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