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Ok, I met a good guy via OLD couple of months ago, he's smart, attractive, thoughtful, likes the same things as me...But he never really asks me questions. He says I tell him what he wants to know (because I volunteer the info.) Since we met online, the majority of our 'dating' has been texting/email. He lives 2 hrs away, we've gone out a few times and have slept together twice. He's very attentive and caring in that area. Anyway, he has kind of an 'Engineer personality' - I'm sorry of that offends anyone. He likes to understand things and solve problems, but witty banter isn't his communication style. I ask him questions and he gives detailed long answers; admittedly, he has an interesting background. Anyway, he wants to understand women (me) so he's reading some 'Love Languages' - type book (not the 5 love languages), so I give him credit for trying. Anyway, I don't really want to stop seeing him, but how do I deal with his (lack of) conversation style? I'm sure I'd rather have a good guy than a 'Salesman BS'er' - again sorry if I offend anyone out there. Thanks for your thoughts.
This isn't an either/or situation, that you get a good guy who is poor at communication, or a salesperson type personality. There is plenty in between. I find that it is such an individual choice of what you are willing to accept.
Is his communication style any different in person than over the phone? I would have a hard time with lopsided conversations, either someone who says very little, or rambles on about themselves without inquiring about me at all. Not looking to listen to a monologue all the time.
You have to find who fits your personality and communication style and doesn't leave you feeling resentful or ignored.
Reminds me of a close friend of mine. Met him back in highschool, super introverted and extremely intelligent. Like intelligent enough that he earned a full scholarship to one of the top engineering schools in America intelligent. Couldn't talk to save his life though, so he would bury his face into a book, do homework/get farther ahead in classes, play video games. Then he met me and he began a very long road to becoming something of a decent conversationalist too. I've known this guy since he was maybe 15-16 years old, and beginning with me, and meeting a few other friends which helped improve his skills, it took him until he was about 21 to become what I would consider a "good conversationalist". Because he was severely lacking in this area he couldn't find women, though I noticed a lot of women checking him out, height can solve a lot of issues.
After he realized that he could keep up with the Jones on holding conversations, he's had no problems finding dates, even had a chance to get married. Now he's in his mid-late 20s and dating someone much younger than he is, a lot of it is because he can talk now lol.
Moral of the story: anyone can become better at holding a conversation, it just takes the will and some help to do so.
I find that men who don't ask me questions about me don't care about getting to know me. I am not saying that this is the issue with your relationship. I am only referring to my experience.
Sorry to hear that, from what it sounds like he probably does have the typical "engineer" personality, I'm a techie type and am around a lot of engineer types and a good chunk of them are like you described.
He's probably a decent guy, you just have to figure out if it's something you can deal with.
Ok, I met a good guy via OLD couple of months ago, he's smart, attractive, thoughtful, likes the same things as me...But he never really asks me questions. He says I tell him what he wants to know (because I volunteer the info.) Since we met online, the majority of our 'dating' has been texting/email. He lives 2 hrs away, we've gone out a few times and have slept together twice. He's very attentive and caring in that area. Anyway, he has kind of an 'Engineer personality' - I'm sorry of that offends anyone. He likes to understand things and solve problems, but witty banter isn't his communication style. I ask him questions and he gives detailed long answers; admittedly, he has an interesting background. Anyway, he wants to understand women (me) so he's reading some 'Love Languages' - type book (not the 5 love languages), so I give him credit for trying. Anyway, I don't really want to stop seeing him, but how do I deal with his (lack of) conversation style? I'm sure I'd rather have a good guy than a 'Salesman BS'er' - again sorry if I offend anyone out there. Thanks for your thoughts.
Sounds like he is trying and interested in learning...,
You mentioned most of the communication is electronic, I'd try to speak more in person before deciding anything.
As an aside -I work with a bunch of tech nerds where there is endless banter ....
The sales guy is the one who waffles on. Lol
I've worked with and dated this personality type and, yes, for the most part, the witty banter was missing, they were great for deep discussions on philosophy on almost any topic. I think I'm amusing enough for two people, so the humor that was missing on their end was something I was fine with. I joked around with a full understanding that I was the only one that would be laughing at those jokes.
The fact that he's reading that book (great book, btw!!!) is a sign of romance, of affection, of sweetness...I don't think you'll find too many guys this nice, but if you're not interested, move on...because other's will be interested in him.
Sounds like your typical boring average Joe Blow......
Look for a hero next time.
He has lots to talk about.
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How was the sex?
