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It's not all yelling for five hours. He talks some. And I did take a walk around the block midway through, so we take some breaks, I guess.
I don't know how you can sit there and psychoanalyze your sexual relationship for 5-6 hours and then go to bed with this "dung". He gets some enjoyment out of this. I hope you know that. He wants total control, so be prepared for it.
I think the OP is worried about the joint finances because she is also on the hook for the business + household, and his income level, both parties would lose in the event of a divorce. They've weaved a tangled web so quickly after marriage.
I agree that the behavior could be linked to some type of other insecurity going on in his world, possibly partially due to his economic success.
So he could just be scared about something and taking it out on you.
Either way he shouldn't be behaving like that. I certainly wouldn't give up on the marriage. Possibly counseling is a good idea.
My husband and I fight for hours sometimes. But he would never tell me that he shouldn't have married me or that I'm just a 6.
There are just things you shouldn't ever say to your wife or husband for that matter.
You can never take them back, ever ever and you can beg and plead, but once they are out there, there will always be some doubt and some insecurity......
A man should never say the things that he said to the OP...... he may have them flash in his brain and we can't control out thought per se, but you don't always have to say what you think. That's another part of being a grown up.....
If I told Mrs. Chow that my buddies said nay, don't be with her and that she sucked in bed........ awful things to say and much worse to hear.
Luckily it would just be factually incorrect to say she was bad in bed....
Also, to the OP.. you are from Little Rock and I am in NWA, so you KNOW that me coming on here was not a coincidence. I usually don't post to the relationship forums. Not to mention, I am glad you shared what was really going on ( so don't think I'm trying to be a troll or something) but you know ( already) that this relationship is going to eventually dissipate.
Leave it while your head is not permately messed up because that is where this is going. You are using it finacially is all... but the damage it will do to your head is a whole 'nother story. Good Luck.
It's not all yelling for five hours. He talks some. And I did take a walk around the block midway through, so we take some breaks, I guess.
You take a break for fresh air, then come home to more yelling and arguing? Why? Why continue after the break? Why come home at all, why not take the car and enjoy some shopping, or take yourself to dinner? He talks and yells for 5 hours, with a break in the middle? And you voluntarily re-enter into that after a break? It sounds ... not normal.
Well, he did say later that he didn't mean that I was only a six, he was just hurt and wanted to hurt me. And he said I'm not all around terrible in bed, I do have one strength. But, based on the fact that's been a recurring complaint, I think he isn't pleased with our sex life. Not that we don't have sex, it's just not great for him most of the time. But I don't think he took back the statement about how he shouldn't have married me. Maybe he believes that. Then again, he's said a few times that marriage is just about picking someone and "making it work", so his plan was for us to just get over our incompatibilities and do that.
He also said that he'd go with counseling with me, so I think we're going to try that. With our money situation, I'm just hoping it doesn't cost that much and/or we can pay for it with my HSA? I read on the counseling center's website that divorce is very often avoidable and unnecessary, a lot of people seem to believe that. I really don't want to be a person who gets a divorce and then regrets it later.
You take a break for fresh air, then come home to more yelling and arguing? Why? Why continue after the break? Why come home at all, why not take the car and enjoy some shopping, or take yourself to dinner? He talks and yells for 5 hours, with a break in the middle? And you voluntarily re-enter into that after a break? It sounds ... not normal.
Meh, it was 3 am on New Year's Day in the suburbs, I didn't have many options. And I'd been drinking so I wasn't about to drive anywhere. And it was very cold outside so I didn't want to hang out there for a long time.
Well, he did say later that he didn't mean that I was only a six, he was just hurt and wanted to hurt me. And he said I'm not all around terrible in bed, I do have one strength. But, based on the fact that's been a recurring complaint, I think he isn't pleased with our sex life. Not that we don't have sex, it's just not great for him most of the time. But I don't think he took back the statement about how he shouldn't have married me. Maybe he believes that. Then again, he's said a few times that marriage is just about picking someone and "making it work", so his plan was for us to just get over our incompatibilities and do that.
He also said that he'd go with counseling with me, so I think we're going to try that. With our money situation, I'm just hoping it doesn't cost that much and/or we can pay for it with my HSA? I read on the counseling center's website that divorce is very often avoidable and unnecessary, a lot of people seem to believe that. I really don't want to be a person who gets a divorce and then regrets it later.
I don't often get too mushy with posters, but I really really hope it works out...... the fact that he's open to counseling and he's apologetic is a good sign.
Best of luck to you.... life is long and hard and friggin painful at times, if you can have a chance at happiness..... go for it.
Well, he did say later that...he was just hurt and wanted to hurt me.
People in good, solid, loving relationships don't WANT to hurt one another.
They might get angry at one another.
They might inadvertently hurt one another through being oblivious, unaware of an issue, or insensitive.
But if you are at the point where you are actively DESIRING to hurt somebody and say things with that intent, yeah, that's not a person that you love and care for. There is no room for consciously deciding to be deliberately cruel to someone in a loving relationship. No matter how miserable a person you are.
And, honestly, saying, "Well, I was just being hurtful when I said that you suck in bed...in reality, you only kind of suck, because I DO like that one thing that you do" is no kind of apology.
Are you just used to being treated like crap, that this sort of nonsense sounds like a hopeful, positive thing to you?
Quote:
I really don't want to be a person who gets a divorce and then regrets it later.
You also don't want to be a person who decides to stay in a relationship then regrets it later. Really.
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