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About a year ago I went to lunch with a coworker. He and I went to school together, so I know some of his friends and family, but I hadn't seen in him in years before last year. I think we were both surprised to have enjoyed ourselves as much as we did. A few months later, we went to lunch again. At that time, he mentioned that after I moved, we should take a walk to explore my new town. It felt like it was meant to be a date. We didn't end up going until I reminded him of it. So, we went for a walk, it was nice, I don't think either of us was totally sure if we were on a date. At the end he said a generic "we should do it again sometime." But we never did, although every time I saw him he mentioned that he'd be in touch about getting together again.
Before that happened, I left the job (in October). When I told him I was leaving, he invited me to dinner to celebrate. We both put it on our work calendars. And then, somehow we never mentioned it again, and I left the job and we didn't go to dinner. [I know this is really weird]
In November I was back at the office to visit friends, and I stopped by to say hi. Yet again, he tells me he'll be in touch to get together. Doesn't get in touch.
In December I stopped by his desk. He says his roommate has been giving him a hard time about the fact that he hasn't emailed me. Blushes as he says it. Then says his family has been bugging him, too, and blushes again. Says he will be in touch before Christmas. Doesn't get in touch.
Obviously, actions speak louder than words. But I really like him, and when we spend time together, he seems to like me, too.
Should I just write him off, ask him out myself? Other options? Mostly, I'm wondering why someone keeps talking about going out but doesn't do anything about it?
Is there a reason why you didn't call him about that dinner date you both had on your calendars? "Somehow" you never mentioned it after putting it on your calendar? It takes two to tango. You could invite him out yourself, "to catch up", and see what happens. If he doesn't reciprocate after that, and keeps making vague promises, let it go. But at least make one try.
Is there a reason why you didn't call him about that dinner date you both had on your calendars? "Somehow" you never mentioned it after putting it on your calendar? It takes two to tango. You could invite him out yourself, "to catch up", and see what happens. If he doesn't reciprocate after that, and keeps making vague promises, let it go. But at least make one try.
All women should read this post. Then read it again
That said, I actually don't think he's into you, and that you should write him off. If he was really into you he'd have followed through on at least one of the multiple chances he had.
But do keep Ruth's advice in mind for the next time you happen to meet someone you like. Good luck!
Is there a reason why you didn't call him about that dinner date you both had on your calendars? "Somehow" you never mentioned it after putting it on your calendar? It takes two to tango. You could invite him out yourself, "to catch up", and see what happens. If he doesn't reciprocate after that, and keeps making vague promises, let it go. But at least make one try.
I'm not very good at relationships- I've had some, but not lately. We are in our 40s and in the last few years I'd resigned myself to staying single, because it's just easier. So as much as I like him, I've been ambivalent and it's kept me from just making a more clear move myself. And it's why I let the dinner day just pass by. But obviously I'm not totally into staying alone forever or I wouldn't be posting here.
All women should read this post. Then read it again
That said, I actually don't think he's into you, and that you should write him off. If he was really into you he'd have followed through on at least one of the multiple chances he had.
But do keep Ruth's advice in mind for the next time you happen to meet someone you like. Good luck!
My first reaction was the same as yours; he's not into her. But there was that tell-tale blush when she went back to her old office for a visit. And he said his family had been on his case for him to email her. That means he told his parents about her. So something is up. He may be one of those who needs a helpful nudge. Or to get hit over the head. Some guys need to get booted out of a weird inertia or doubts about their attractiveness/desirability, or whatever. "Does she really like me? Naah, she couldn't be into old nothing me!" (Retreat into safety zone.)
I'm not very good at relationships- I've had some, but not lately. We are in our 40s and in the last few years I'd resigned myself to staying single, because it's just easier. So as much as I like him, I've been ambivalent and it's kept me from just making a more clear move myself. And it's why I let the dinner day just pass by. But obviously I'm not totally into staying alone forever or I wouldn't be posting here.
You are in your 40's? Damn girl go get him.And if it doesn't work at least you tried.
I'm not very good at relationships- I've had some, but not lately. We are in our 40s and in the last few years I'd resigned myself to staying single, because it's just easier. So as much as I like him, I've been ambivalent and it's kept me from just making a more clear move myself. And it's why I let the dinner day just pass by. But obviously I'm not totally into staying alone forever or I wouldn't be posting here.
Both of you are hiding out in your comfort zones. You both need to shake things up and bulldoze that zone. Because all the fun is outside the zone! You may do the both of you the biggest favor of your lives, just by calling (and I suggest actual, live speech to email or text), having a brief chat and setting up a lunch or dinner. If you make it lunch, you'll have the rest of the afternoon to walk and talk, if lunch goes well.
Happy New Year, OP! May good things happen to you in 2015. Outside your comfort zone.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 01-05-2015 at 11:15 PM..
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Make plans and tell him we are going out at this date and time.He needs a take charge woman.
May good things happen to you in 2015. Outside your comfort zone. 
