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Hi all!
I know it's a bit long and a lot to read. But please! I really need some advice.
So I've been with this guy for a year and a half.
The first year we started out as "friends with benefits", but have been officially a couple the last 6 months.
Even when we were friends with benefits he would lie to me. Talk to me about girls that he had not been with in the past. But I looked through his PC and found intimate pictures of him with some of the girls he had been talking about. So it turns out he had. Why would he lie about that?
So it was a bumpy ride the first year with him. And he constantly told me that he didn't know how to manage a friends with benefits relationship.
So last year in October we took a month apart and then got back together again in November. This time he insisted on officially being a couple. Just him and me and no one else.
So the time went by and every time we were fighting, he always said that there was totally a before and after November. That now he was more than committed to me, and just me.
I knew he still had feelings for his ex. As he had told me several times. Even telling me that he would probably always love her. He also told me that he talked to her once every while. But just things like "Hey! How's it going".
Anyway so I always doubted him. And had a really hard time believing that he was with me only. So two weeks ago I went into his whatsapp and facebook account to see if my doubts were right.
It turns out his conversations with his ex girlfriend were not just "Hey how's it going". But more like "I found a hair of yours in my car today. And it was a nice sensation finding it".
Nothing explicit about him cheating on me. But they talked just fine! It was not just a simple "Hey how's it going". So why would he lie about that?
He also told me back in February that he went to her place to get some papers of his and that he then discovered that he no longer feels anything for her. After telling me so many times that he would always love her.
When going through his whatsapp and facebook I also found out that he talked to an old fling of his about our problems! I feel such disrespect from his side doing this to me.
He says that they are just friends. But I know they had been together at least one time before I met him.
And she was flirting a lot with him in the conversation that I read. And he was like playing along with it.
He told me he had nothing to hide. And though most of the conversations were from February. I just found out 2 weeks ago. So I feel betrayed and cheated.
There were no evidence that he physically cheated on me. But I feel cheated mentally. Like really betrayed. So I ended it with him.
He just said that it was harmless chatting from 3 months ago and nothing more. That since we didn't start off with a clean slate, there were some transition time for him to really stop talking to old flirts and what not.
Now I'm here all devastated. Wondering if I did the right thing dumping him or not.
Could someone please help me! I got so much things going through my mind...
There is no doubt in my mind that you took the right action by getting rid of him.
However, I agree with the moderator (elnina) that you really want a return to the prior status as a couple with him. Not a wise move, but like many others you will learn from your mistakes if you proceed in that direction.
Your entire post is a chronology of his unacceptable behavior, and a testament as to why a person should never look back especially when the other party has a graduate degree in lying. Get smart.
Nobody wants to be with a liar, OP. You shouldn't, either.
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