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I hear you loud and clear but you are barking up the wrong tree. Everything you said is correct according to standard and if we go by the book's definition of FWB, then this wasn't a FWB situation. They actually spent time together. They went on dates and saw each other sometimes multiple times a day. So therefore, you huffing and puffing isn't relevant to this specific situation. This is why the "ghosting" issue has surfaced.
I had a FWB. Rules were no calls, no hanging, and we only see each other in the gym when I trained her. Even when I left the gym and stopped training her, she would call for an appointment and we would hit the backseat in a parking lot.
Me just rolling out without saying anything would be pretty cruel. We are humans, not animals.
The OP's situation is FWB, though it sounds like she probably had some romantic emotional attachment to him.
What many are describing - no hanging, no sleeping over, no strings at all - is an F Buddy.
They're different. I think it's strange and disrespectful for the FWB to disappear altogether and ignore; not for the latter.
I hear you loud and clear but you are barking up the wrong tree. Everything you said is correct according to standard and if we go by the book's definition of FWB, then this wasn't a FWB situation. They actually spent time together. They went on dates and saw each other sometimes multiple times a day. So therefore, you huffing and puffing isn't relevant to this specific situation. This is why the "ghosting" issue has surfaced.
I had a FWB. Rules were no calls, no hanging, and we only see each other in the gym when I trained her. Even when I left the gym and stopped training her, she would call for an appointment and we would hit the backseat in a parking lot.
Me just rolling out without saying anything would be pretty cruel. We are humans, not animals.
It does not exist but I wish you all well who believe in your little movie fantasy lives and please do carry on.
One of these days you all might actually comprehend and completely understand what I have tried numerous times to tell you. Until then you can continue to get your little feelings hurt because someone followed the rules of the agreement for sex only that was made, darn the luck.
But by that token, isn't having sex with someone you don't give a damn about animal-like behavior. When a female dog goes in heat, she gets banged and both go their separate ways. Nobody cares. So, if people are gonna have sex with someone they don't care about or don't care to spend time with, then what's the difference of getting up and rolling out without saying anything. Everyone just moves on to someone or something else. It was completely superficial. All ya did was meet up for casual fun.
I see your point but it was more than just sex. I was her trainer. I helped her enter and compete in her first marathon. I helped her lose weight. I gave her life, career, and family advice. She looked up to me. I didn't take advantage of the situation as I made it clear. We are adults and before us engaging, I reiterated it several times to include while engaging for her to curve her feelings and it would not develop further beyond what we had. She was ok and we communicated. The sex was mutually enjoyable, it wasn't me doing her a favor or she doing me one. We enjoyed the sex but I wasn't interested in a relationship with her.
So essentially, the physical act was animal like behavior but I suppose a 1 night stand is just as such. The difference is, we communicate prior to, during, and after. That is unlike animal behavior
OMGoodness what a load of wrong. He did NOT "ghost" he adhered to the agreement they made with each other.
I'm not sure what people are not understanding about no commitments, no strings. HE was NOT obligated to tell her anything and SHE was NOT obligated to tell him anything.
This is a very good example of why "friends with benefits" does NOT exist because so few understand what it really is. There is no "friends" part of this, it is for sex only, no getting together, no dating, no chatting, no going to the movies, no dinner in or out, just sex.
It really is not complicated at all until someone gets emotionally attached and "demands" a formal exit which is an explanation whether you want to believe it or not.
There is no obligation on any level for any reason.
Ooohhhhhhhhhhhh..........I get it now.
What I view as FWB isn't what you view as FWB. Sorry buddy, but in my life my FWB's were friends!!! We hung out, we chatted, we went to the movies, dinner, etc. We hung out like any normal friends, except we were having sex. And no, we were NOT dating. What you're describing is a Booty Call or F-Buddy. In no way is what you're describing is a FWB (at least in my book).
So now that we have our terminology straightened out, I would agree with your version of FWB. If a male in my life and I were having sex and nothing more. Where I'd just call him up, go have sex, go home and vice versa, omg, no I wouldn't expect any sort of "exit". Ever!
However, for the OP, this was more of my version of FWB since they did hang out like friends. So he's still a coward in my book, because as a friend, you don't "ghost". If you feel they weren't, then you're right.
If I played tennis with someone three times a week and then they seemingly vanished, i would wonder if they're okay. It's not a string to let someone know that you're ending the connection you've had.
But by that token, isn't having sex with someone you don't give a damn about animal-like behavior. When a female dog goes in heat, she gets banged and both go their separate ways. Nobody cares. So, if people are gonna have sex with someone they don't care about or don't care to spend time with, then what's the difference of getting up and rolling out without saying anything. Everyone just moves on to someone or something else. It was completely superficial. All ya did was meet up for casual fun.
No. That's a F. Buddy, which is what it seemed like OP had. You freak, and leave until ya wanna get together and freak again. ONS or F Buddy is basically on the same level. Sex with someone you cared nothing about on a deep level. You are not friends, you you have no real interest in the person. You're both just getting sex from each toher, and going on with your lives. Just with a ONS, you don't even wants 2nds or repeats with them, and with a F. Buddy, you do, or don't mind it.
FWB, that's way more personable. But I don't consider the OP and her guy "friends." So I wasn't getting the FWB vibe there. It could have become that if the guy had stayed interested, but he didn't I don't guess, far as anyone knows currently.
Spoiler
Quote:
Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate
FRIEND with benefits means that friends is the first and foremost things are. Someone you already genuinely care about, trust and respect. The benefit is the sex however. But the sex isn't the main part of the relationship. it's an extra, aka benefit-not the whole paycheck or even the main part of it. And usually it doesn't come 1st, the friendship does, and because of the love and trust already built, said friends trust one another to handle each other sexually, but no respect or care is lost. But some get FWB and FB mixed up, or use them interchangeably, which isn't correct. Because they are not the same thing.
These 2 were casually hooking up, but debatable to say they were "friends." That word is used too loosely these days. And people tend to say friend, when "acquaintance" or "associate" is a better word. Just hanging out a few times doesn't make a friend.
Is there any genuine love-friendship love?
Can you have serious conversations. are they someone you can turn to in a crisis.
Do you care what's best for them, and it's reciprocal?
A genuine friend is hard to come by. True undeniable friends are almost like extended family. Acquaintances, or people you can hang with, but don't have any real concern, care or feelings toward. You just may have some common ground and you can get together with that. I think of it like girls who hang out and gossip and talk trash about other girls. but hell, they're not even friends, and chances are when the aren't around each other, they're gossiping and talking dirty about each other to someone else. lol Those aren't friends. Sure, they're getting together and hanging out, but it's still superficial.
So, some don't consider what the OP had a friend. Therefor, it wasn't on the same level as a FWB, and no craps should be given whether he was cordial or not in his break off of the arrangement. She texts, he ignores. Ok, he lost interest. Mark it as their loss, and Next. For someone who was just a casual sex partner with whom no deeper feelings were shared, many think to even get upset about him not responding is wasting too much energy on it, since it wasn't too intimate of a relationship emotionally anyhow, especially when both people involved were rebounding from previous actual relationships.
So for the ones saying it's no big deal, they probably didn't get that the relationship was too deep, from the OP, and while she called it FWB, some still didn't see it as such, so much as relatively cordial F. Buddies.
I know what a F buddy is, yes. In the post of yours I quoted, you said animals get together and move on ... Nothing about repeat performances. Getting together again is not "getting banged and going their separate ways" like you described. That is a one-night stand.
I know what a F buddy is, yes. In the post of yours I quoted, you said animals get together and move on ... Nothing about repeat performances. Getting together again is not "getting banged and going their separate ways" like you described. That is a one-night stand.
Going separate ways afterward. By that I mean, going about their business and not bothering to give one another any thought until they meet again and want another go. but aside from the sex, they don't hang out. Aside from scheduling a meeting, they don't talk. It's all sex, and anything else is left out. So
"Going separate ways" = getting the hell away from each other. If that statement always means for good, then I apologize. But I always saw it as could be for good, or just the time being 2 parties go their separate ways. Just means they're going different places. Could be for good. Could be temporary.
So, if you don't like that word, the leaving one another and going about their business, until they want to meet again. And if one party doesn't, then many will feel an explanation or goodbye isn't mandatory or owed.
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