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That being said, a bit of courtesy, while shouldn't be expected according to discourteous folk, is more common practice among courteous folk. This is especially when two individuals have been interacting for at least 3 X’s per week. It's a relationship, regardless of the 2 or 3 letter label. That is what we as humans employ, courtesy.
I do agree that he was rude by just leaving you hanging and not informing you he wanted to end it. Definitely not how I would have done it. With mine it was actually a mutual decision to end it. Unfortunately some people believe that since it isn't a real commitment they can behave however they want, and that's always a risk with this type of arrangement.
OP I agree the guy should have had the common courtesy to say to your face he found someone.
Don't get into these situations if this upsets you.
Well how am i supposed to have the foresight that it will end like this? He was my friend. Never would have expected it to go down like this. There was no reason for it. Now I do think poorly of him.
As for all the people who keep saying he found another girl other than me.
I have said it multiple times now.
We both were rebounding, that is why neither of us wanted or were ready for a commitment.
I would put money on it that he went back to his ex, so yes he did find someone. When
I knew it was going to happen. He clearly wasn't over her which is why I demoted him to casual. One night he even ran out on me in a puff stating he was getting feelings for me but still had feelings for his ex, and like had some sort of weird panic attack.
The only sense I could make out of him not responding is that he did go back to her, even after he came running back to me the day after his panic attack arguing that he didn't want her back. He might have felt silly that he actually went back. After that day I could sense that he was missing her more, and that I was being compared to her.
The fact that he would leave eventually didn't blind side me at all. Anyone who does that is not done with their ex. We equally used each other as crutches and to fulfill a basic human need. I don't regret it.
What did blind side me is how he left without a word. Even when I told him he could have just said no.
Am I disappointed that he left the way he did, yes...am i disappointed that we won't hang out anymore, yes...but I don't understand why I am being preached to as if I deserved this?
Last edited by Chelle212; 01-22-2015 at 04:43 PM..
What part of sex only isn't anyone understanding? He owes her nothing, no closure, no phone call, no explaination, it is done, he is not responding, she should take the hint and leave the guy alone.
This is why there is no such thing as friends with benefits, it does not exist because most humans cannot handle not getting emotionally involved. Even though that is what they agreed to from the start.
It doesn't need to be complicated, just a simple reason is all I like. I've had FWB that ended abruptly without reason and I didn't get bent out of shape about it, she just quit texting or calling back when I asked if she wanted to get together. No big deal.
A simple one liner like
"I'm dating someone else now"
"It was fun while it lasted but I need to move on"
"You're a horrible person and I'd rather stuff broken glass into my vagina and sew it shut with barbwire before having sex with you again"
I'd rather get something like that then complete silence and ignoring but I'm not going to go crazy about it. I give a simple explanation if I want to end things and if she goes crazy on me I cut off all contact.
I'm sorry but it sounds to me like you were casually dating. He should have the decency to at least respond to your texts/calls and tell you what's going on. However, people are tools so don't expect much.
Listen, Im prolly worst than ole dude. Im a badd mofo. I will even defend my shady actions. But I still have a conscious and know what is reasonable and or not. And I never double cross FRIENDS.
You keep trying to bring it on to her as a life lesson. He was part of this package as well. It was he that spent a few hours, multiple times a day, and at least 3 times per week with her. Him, not some other dude. Him.
This happened and will continue to happen to most peopel, regardless of the 3 letter word. People bail for no reason in marriages as well. It doesn't make it cool. There IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION OF COURTESY. This all she asked for, not for him to boyfriend her, but communication.
But in most cases, the relationships end badly because of feelings by one person not being as solid as the other. Rare is the case when ACTUAL FRIENDS, just bail. Friends with benefits implies just that, friends with intamacy. What friend, regardless of benefit, just bails?
This is aside from the "not getting involved in non-committed relationships". That is a different issue. The issue is about him bailing ON A FRIEND in which he was benefiting intimately and he not communicating him leaving. That is her issue, not the fact that he ended it. Yes, she would have been hurt but who wouldn't? But she most certainly would not have come here asking about why he bailed.
People, no matter the relationship, just don't bail on each other. When I am moving, I go and see my old clients and tell them. it's part of social dynamics.
Stay in perspective.
If the guy thought he owed her anything more than he gave her wouldn't he have treated her better?
If the guy thought he owed her anything more than he gave her wouldn't he have treated her better?
Yeah. I know everyone is saying a friend doesn't do what he did. Thing is, he may not have thought she was a friend. So, in which case, she was a casual sex partner he owed nothing to far as he was concerned..
The thing I don't get is how can someone be so intimate with another person even if you're not in love with them to just drop off and never call again...... I've never done anything like that.... I'm not a saint, but damn.... makes me glad as hell that I'm not out in the dating world or fwb world or whatever the hell they had, cause if that is considered "normal" to insert yourself into another human and then don't even have the common decency to at least say, hey, let's move on, this isn't working out...........
The thing I don't get is how can someone be so intimate with another person even if you're not in love with them to just drop off and never call again...... I've never done anything like that.... I'm not a saint, but damn.... makes me glad as hell that I'm not out in the dating world or fwb world or whatever the hell they had, cause if that is considered "normal" to insert yourself into another human and then don't even have the common decency to at least say, hey, let's move on, this isn't working out...........
Yeah, it's pretty disheartening seeing all these "he doesn't owe you a damn thing" types of responses. Keep in mind this is a human person you're dealing with, not some robot.
Thanks Chowhound. It is not normal. We were friends before, and we have seen each other 20+ times first as dating and then a couple times as FWB. That is deff in the territory of at least saying goodbye to someone.
Spending 3x a week with someone, texting them throughout the week, sometimes spending almost entire days together.....even if I wasn't a "friend" to him, I was deff more than just a sex buddy. I think I was more of a crutch for him than anything.
I texted him twice that day. Nothing that brought on any pressure, he could have responded.
I mean i'm pretty much over it at this point, this subject has been beaten to death. When it first happened I was pretty upset about it, but this guy really put me on an emotional roller coaster with the whole ex thing and related stunts the past couple of weeks and i'm tired of stressing over him period. He has way too much emotional baggage. I feel like I dodged a major bullet that would have come my way if this went on much longer, and I'm happy that he showed his total lack of human decency so early on.
Nonetheless this thread has been a little harsh at times, and interesting at others so I keep coming back, but I think this is the last time I will respond to it.
Also I would like to add, I also think what he did was a little stupid.
If he ever did want to come around again and have a chance at a hookup, wouldn't it be wise to at least have responded to me instead of leaving me with a bad taste about the entire thing?
Last edited by Chelle212; 01-22-2015 at 10:08 PM..
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