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I don't understand the whole "I will take a break from my boyfriend/girlfriend and then come back". It sounds more like "I will screw around a bit and then come back to you".
Sorry, that is not it at all!!
My GF is not that type of woman. Her beliefs, upbringing and self-respect would not allow her to "screw around". I know that for a fact.
I don't understand the whole "I will take a break from my boyfriend/girlfriend and then come back". It sounds more like "I will screw around a bit and then come back to you".
I don't even view it as screw around. So many people jump to that conclusion. I see it more as something got too serious too quick, or it's just not working how I envisioned it. I do agree that you really can't go backwards in relationships, yet people try it all the time. I think you can work out any issue and still be focused on each other, if that's what you want. Taking steps back just resets the relationship and builds up resentment. It's really hard to recover from a break.
And this is EXACTLY why I'm not going to date until my divorce is at LEAST one year old. My ex-wife jumped into a relationship while we were still married and yep, you guessed it:
Her new lover was directly involved with our divorce.
Things got nasty, silly, stupid and downright mean right up until the end.
Total unnecessary drama when more than two people are involved with a divorce.
I will not have a lady in my life that has to deal with that stuff. No way. When I'm ready, my head will be clear and I will be able to give 100% to a relationship.
That is wise. I respect people who have that type of self discipline and conscientiousness.
OP, just skip buying her any gifts, sending plants/flowers, and leave her alone. That is what she stated that she wanted. Let her take her mental break. If she thinks about it and misses you, all the better. If not, then move on. There are other women out there, I promise.
But I must say that I agree with others....she sounds a bit self-centered and entitled. Perhaps SHE should worry about HER own financial security for the future until the two of you say... move in together, get married, engaged...whatever. She's big girl and should already be doing this anyway.
I appreciate the fact that you say that she has stuck by you during your divorce "situation" but I would think that any women who enters into a relationship with a man going through any type of divorce should understand what may come along with that.
She shouldn't have any say in your son's college choice, IMO.
And seriously, the cost of a gift constitutes how a person feels about someone???? I always thought that it was how much thought was put into it or how much the receiver would appreciate the gift. Hmmmm.....
Last night, over a bottle of wine, my "girlfriend" finally told that she wants to chill our relationship .... cutback on seeing each other, no kissing, no sex, no intimacy ... stay friends and she what happens.
This came on the heels of a text message she sent to me last week (June 23rd) ... "I'm old enough and don't need to talk to anyone about my life. No one can help me. We went thru this several times. I'm not happy and you can't change that. Therefore, it's no point we continue"
Having received this text...and waiting a couple of days to let her regain her composure. I called her out ... pointing out that whenever there is a disagreement, she ALWAYS send me an email / text. After almost 3 years, I deserve the decency of being told face to face. While she has always taken the path of least resistance...no excuse for another electronic "Dear John" note.
The basic and underlying reason for this "chilling" (aka, break-up) .... she cannot she me fulfilling her needs going forward. She honestly stated that at her age (48), she wants to be pampered ... depend on her guy for everything .... be given special things by her special guy. She does not see that happening because I have alimony & college education to pay for the next 8 years. She also stated (sadly) that perhaps she does not know how to be in a relationship outside of marriage.
While we were chatting she texted me a gif stating ... "You can say sorry a million times, say I love as much as you want, say whatever you want, whenever you want. But if you're not going to prove the things you say are true, then don't say anything at all." This summarizes everything in a nutshell .... I do love her...I have done things for her (IMO) ... but not what she expects/wants from her boyfriend. In her eyes, she WANTS things that only her boyfriend can give. So, when I spent much of the past month helping her move by myself .... she thanked me but it was not "special" to her because she could have gotten her family & other friends to help her.
She has other colleagues who have tried to woo her ... well before she met me and continue to do so. Her so-called friends have given her extraordinary gifts...e.g., a complete high-end stereo system, Ecuadorian roses (never knew they existed), offered to co-sign her mortgage,etc.
My "former" girlfriend now "new" friend is Asian; but has lived in U.S. for 27 years. She is a modern woman with very old-fashioned qualities. Some sense of entitlement yet self-image concerns, high-quality tastes, abnormal sense of morality, an abnormal stickler to rules, avoid confrontation, definitely sees things in black & white (no grays). Examples: our first night of intimacy came 4 months after we met, after about 20 dates. For some of you, that may be too long or too soon. BUT the real reason for waiting ... she waited until she got her court approved divorce decree. Even though, she and her ex-husband had not lived together for 2 years...and that divorced papers were signed in April ... she could not be intimate with me until September when she became officially divorced. She planned our first getaway weekend to happen 2 days after receiving her court approved divorce.
We have been a "couple" for 2+ years. I have paid for 90% of meals & vacations. Not that I was counting but when she said what have you done for me ... why do I have a boyfriend .... and all we have been are eating, drinking, counselling, traveling companions. smh.
Anyway enough of that, had to get this off my chest. Interested in the ensuing comments.
Imo, you dodged a bullet. Does she not work and support herself? Let some other poor fool waste their money on her. You are doing the right thing by investing your money in your son's education.
Move on man, you did indeed dodge a bullet. Sooner or later you will find someone decent, who doesnt want you only for what you can do for them. As to your comment about how she "isnt this type of woman" to do xyz, you can see how foolish that was. AWALT my friend, AWALT.
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