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2.5 years .... we started out slow. We always joked that she did not kiss me until our 5th date (over a 6 week span).
BIG red flag right there...she is 45...been in the rodeo for a while...it took her a month and a half to kiss you...phhhttt...I would be done after the first date if there was NO kiss...doesn't have to be tongue boxing kiss...
yeah I would be prepared for this to be permanent break...sorry, it sucks!
Here is the bottom line. If she wants to take a break, it means that she isnt affraid of losing you. If she isnt affraid of losing you, it means she is as good as gone. She might hang around until something better comes along, but that's about it. Believe these words.
+1 yea OP, this person speaks truth. She is not afraid of losing you. So that means maybe you should move on.
I would start banging other people. That's just ME though!
BIG red flag right there...she is 45...been in the rodeo for a while...it took her a month and a half to kiss you...phhhttt...I would be done after the first date if there was NO kiss...doesn't have to be tongue boxing kiss...
yeah I would be prepared for this to be permanent break...sorry, it sucks!
LOL!!
Actually, on Date #5 we spent an entire day together .... no kiss even after I asked permission for one. So, after a couple of days, Date #6 was going to be the last date if I did not get a reasonable kiss. But she shocked me with a long deep open mouth kiss as we were walking. Anyway that's history now.
Actually, on Date #5 we spent an entire day together .... no kiss even after I asked permission for one. So, after a couple of days, Date #6 was going to be the last date if I did not get a reasonable kiss. But she shocked me with a long deep open mouth kiss as we were walking. Anyway that's history now.
It's her and not you. I think that women like this are never truly happy. I believe it's also cultural and upbringing as I know asian women who are like this (I'm an asian woman in the same age range but born in North America). Lifestyle is more important than love and she probably believes that she can get what she wants and she's holding out for it. In order to be with you, she has to come to terms with balancing what she wants with what she can attract. It's optics... she has to look successful, be highly moral, have the perfect husband with the perfect lifestyle. The asian culture promotes perfectionism and there's no such thing as a perfect relationship -- everyone has baggage, especially at this age. But she has to come to that conclusion.
She's really quite naive. Wish her the best of luck and move on.
It's her and not you. I think that women like this are never truly happy. I believe it's also cultural and upbringing as I know asian women who are like this (I'm an asian woman in the same age range but born in North America). Lifestyle is more important than love and she probably believes that she can get what she wants and she's holding out for it. In order to be with you, she has to come to terms with balancing what she wants with what she can attract. It's optics... she has to look successful, be highly moral, have the perfect husband with the perfect lifestyle. The asian culture promotes perfectionism and there's no such thing as a perfect relationship -- everyone has baggage, especially at this age. But she has to come to that conclusion.
She's really quite naive. Wish her the best of luck and move on.
Thank you for your feedback and perspective. I was hoping that another 40-50 yrs old Asian woman would comment.
Wow!! "Lifestyle is more important than love". Never thought of it that way! That explains a lot!!! She did not like to be embarrassed or dress inappropriately (like the time, she was upset that I wore dress jeans to dinner while she was in a dress. To her it was an awkward experience that we were dressed so differently. But truth to be told, that was common in a suburban strip-mall restaurant .... women typically lookedbetter than the guys.)
For the past 3-4 weeks, she had been an emotional rollercoaster .... almost as if her brain was short-circuiting ... conflict between her "love" for me and me being able to provide her "material needs".
I am rather competitive .... so part of me wants to give her the proverbial "piece of my mind" because her recent actions have me taking account of everything I did for/with her. Of course, I never gave it a second thought when we were together since that is how I am.
The other part of me feels so very sorry for her. I told her our disagreements were mainly "material"... about my gifts or actions that she deemed did not make her feel "special". However, buying flowers & plants spontaneously .... paying for 90% of meals, outings & vacations .... driving her to social events because she does not like driving to NYC ... picking-up her sick daughter from school .... surprising her by picking her up from work to avoid taking public transit.... I guess were NOT "special" enough.
For the past 2 years, she would at times griped about having to shovel snow, take out the garbage, change light bulbs, etc. etc.. for the first time in her life....because that was the man's job.
I told her last week .... in any solid relationship, both people have to be willing to be vulnerable and accept certain risks. She was not sure whether she could take risks.
First of all, she is not unstable ... she is a real card-carrying VIRGO woman. She likes / expects order, timeliness...has high standards but very logical. For example, she loves expensive items but will never go into debt...knows her limits.
The "argument" was over my Xmas gifts for the past 3 Xmas (which I admit missed the mark) and her questions about our future. She does not "feel secure" because she doubts that I can take care of her. She sees me sending my son to private college...and questions why; whereas her daughter goes to public college. Basically, in spite of everything I say / do .... she also feels" that she will never be #1 in my life.
Again, it is an unusual situation because I am still technically married (have met her kids & mother but they do not know my status) .... and she has met my mother & brother (but not my kids).
Ahhh....a Virgo.
Your son's attendance at a private college is none of her dang business. she thinks that is wasteful? Or somehow detracting from your potential to support her, or that it is Unfair that your son goes to private school while her daughter does not?
There is a lot that goes into choosing a college, none of it planned lightly. She hasn't even MET your kids? Who does she think she is to question your choices?
I just think it all sounds weird. No way I could date someone for 3 years and not meet their kids. How awkward would that be?
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