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I understand wanting to stay in it for love...But relationships are about more than the willingness to "like" another.
"Love" is a choice at it's core. He may choose to contuine to love you, and you may choose to contuine to love him back, But if you are both headed nowhere together and that is not the future you are willing to head towards the whole relationship is meaningless.
It's just a perosnal choice to remain stagnate at that point.
Do you have common goals together as a couple. Long term goals you both desire that can only be accomplished with another?
You can't just drift and hope your feelings for the other keeps things releavant.
Relationships need to grow with common needs, goals, bonds and desires otherwise your needs will just eventually outgrow the purpose of the realtionship
Last edited by rego00123; 01-30-2015 at 01:12 PM..
I understand wanting to stay in it for love...But relationships are about more than the willingness to "like" another.
"Love" is a choice at it's core. He may choose to contuine to love you, and you may choose to contuine to love him back, But if you are both headed nowhere together and that is not the future you want for yourself the realtionship is meaningless.
It's just a perosnal choice to remain stagnate at that point.
Do you have common goals together as a couple. Long term goals you both desire that can only be accomplished with another?
We have some common goals about owning a house, but thats it. And hes always talking about the new mustang he wants. I say we need a house first but he thinks cars are a top priority. He also really wants me to meet his friends and family in mexico since i havent done so yet
As she has stated, he won't participate with examining thier marriage issues
Without his involvement there is not much she CAN do. She will just remain exsactly where she is now, feeling unappreciated and like she is the one doing all the work.
Perosnally I was the OP I would just start going to see a realtionship consoler on my own. If for nothing more than clarity of my own mind and how to make good life choices.
You do not need your husband to seek clarity of mind or better your own outlook.
^^ OP, the above is pretty good advice. I'm sorry to hear that your family went through all that stuff in their marriages and have left you no good examples to follow.
^^ OP, the above is pretty good advice. I'm sorry to hear that your family went through all that stuff in their marriages and have left you no good examples to follow.
I've been considering it. Problem is that many of the counseling places in my area, Baton Rouge, are religiously based and I'd know they'd judge me regarding some of the issues i'm having. I'll try to find one that may be able to help me tho.
OP if you really need martial advice, I don't think C-D relationships is a good place to come for it. You should seek help from people whom you know who are currently in long lasting marriages and find out how they do it. This would be best for the two of you.
LOL
I've been married 23 years, but a teenager could see the problems here.
We have some common goals about owning a house, but thats it. And hes always talking about the new mustang he wants. I say we need a house first but he thinks cars are a top priority. He also really wants me to meet his friends and family in mexico since i havent done so yet
A new Mustang was a top priority for me too. When I was 20. The new model is pretty sweet, however.
I came home at 8 tonight after hitting the gym...where my husband knew i was going. Its currently almost 10 and hes not home or answering his phone. Seems like im in for a fun night
Do you have health insurance? If so, contact them for a list of marital/family therapists in your area. They will provide you with that information confidentially, and you can go to therapy by yourself. Maybe after talking through things - and hearing yourself make excuses for him (and yourself) aloud - you will arrive at some conclusions.
You may think that you love him, and he loves you, but none of what you describe is real love. He doesn't respect you, and I suspect you're doing things for him out of a desire to be "a good wife." Loving someone means looking out for them and putting them ahead of you sometimes - something he's not doing. And you're clearly resenting him for it, as you should. You do bear some of the blame for allowing this to continue for so long. You need to put your foot down - stop doing ALL of the cooking/cleaning (see what he says when you tell him you're going to hire a maid service to come in every once in a while), make him go to his restaurant alone while you enjoy one that you've been wanting to go to, go to the gym when you want to, etc. Give him a chance to picture his life without you, then see what he does. Maybe while you're doing that you might discover that you don't want to go back to his way.
I came home at 8 tonight after hitting the gym...where my husband knew i was going. Its currently almost 10 and hes not home or answering his phone. Seems like im in for a fun night
It's your choice to stay and endure the "fun night."
It's your choice to stay and endure the "fun night."
Things got even worse than expected. At around 10:30 he still wasnt home so i went to his favorite bar and saw his car. He was sitting there getting drunk with his friends. I walked in said "wtf is wrong with you" and left for home. Of course he comes home bout an hour later and i asked him what the hell was wrong.
When i had gotten home from the gym at 8 pm last night he was outside on the patio talking on the phone. I asked why he didnt respond to my 3 texts from hours ago, went inside and got a shower. Then after the shower he was gone. He said you locked me out in the cold so i jumped off the (2nd floor!) patio and left for the bar. He thought i locked the door on purpose! Instead of calling me to let him in, he did all that
I told him whose wrong, the woman who brought beers home for her hubby and stayed in bed or the man who went drinking at the bar? I told him thats not how a good husband behaves and i want better communication. Then he punched a huge hole in our wall and got up to leave. I took his hand telling him not to leave and he pushed me away. Of course he comes back ten minutes later begging for forgiveness and wanting makeup sex. I didnt want any more problems so i agreed. I felt nothing...it was like sex without a soul
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