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I've been dating this guy for about 4 months, it has been going really well. He treats me great and is really sweet, respectful and affectionate. I have been a little bit frustrated at how things were moving quite slowly - we only saw each other about once a week at best and he was quite slow to respond to my texts, taking up to a day sometimes. However, in person things were really great and right before Xmas he met my parents and then my extended family and got me a lovely Xmas gift (I didn't get him anything).
After Xmas I went on holiday for 3 weeks and before I left, he talked about how he really wanted me to keep in touch while I was out there and how he was going to miss me. He also called me right before I boarded my flight to say bye. Once I was on holiday however, I decided to just have fun with my friend and I didn't get in touch with my guy for a few weeks, and ignored his attempts to contact me. I also got with another guy in a club while I was away, but I haven't told him this.
When I came home last week, I messaged him to say I was back and he seemed a little bit cold, but said work was really busy for him and asked when he was going to see me. We then didn't speak for a couple of days, which is really unusual for us. We made plans for Thursday night, which he then cancelled because he said he got stuck at work. This turned into a fight because I didn't believe him as he made no attempt to reschedule and is now ignoring my texts.
I'm really upset about all this and really want to get back to the way things were before I left. I'm well aware I messed up and probably hurt his feelings but I don't know how to get through to him now. He's very, very sensitive and quite non-confrontational, so I think he will ignore me for a long time now if not forever.
If anyone has any bright ideas about how to fix this, that would be great.
I've been dating this guy for about 4 months, it has been going really well. He treats me great and is really sweet, respectful and affectionate. I have been a little bit frustrated at how things were moving quite slowly - we only saw each other about once a week at best and he was quite slow to respond to my texts, taking up to a day sometimes. However, in person things were really great and right before Xmas he met my parents and then my extended family and got me a lovely Xmas gift (I didn't get him anything).
After Xmas I went on holiday for 3 weeks and before I left, he talked about how he really wanted me to keep in touch while I was out there and how he was going to miss me. He also called me right before I boarded my flight to say bye. Once I was on holiday however, I decided to just have fun with my friend and I didn't get in touch with my guy for a few weeks, and ignored his attempts to contact me. I also got with another guy in a club while I was away, but I haven't told him this.
When I came home last week, I messaged him to say I was back and he seemed a little bit cold, but said work was really busy for him and asked when he was going to see me. We then didn't speak for a couple of days, which is really unusual for us. We made plans for Thursday night, which he then cancelled because he said he got stuck at work. This turned into a fight because I didn't believe him as he made no attempt to reschedule and is now ignoring my texts.
I'm really upset about all this and really want to get back to the way things were before I left. I'm well aware I messed up and probably hurt his feelings but I don't know how to get through to him now. He's very, very sensitive and quite non-confrontational, so I think he will ignore me for a long time now if not forever.
If anyone has any bright ideas about how to fix this, that would be great.
OP:
Regarding the bolded part in pink...
What type of relationship do you and the guy you have been dating for 4 months have?
casual
committed
That would determine whether or not what you did would be considered cheating.
Silly girl....that's fine if you're not exclusive and you kinda met some other nice guy. Of course, what are the odds something is gonna be serious with a "holiday" guy?
But to think you can just ignore someone and then pick things up where you left off is unrealistic. He made a point of saying he wanted to keep in touch and you deliberately decided NOT to. So now he's a little cool....your tough luck. Maybe he'll warm up and maybe not...treat people honestly and respectfully and your results may be better.
We haven't had 'the talk' so I would consider us casual.
Wow you take casual nobodies to meet your family?
If this guy meant anything to you, you would have not been able to go three weeks, nearly a month, without thinking about and talking to him. I'd dump someone like you in a heartbeat. Then what makes it worse is you think you should be entitled to his attention when you got back as if he's just the equivalent of some booty call you only contact at YOUR leisure and when YOU want company. In those three weeks you deliberately ignored his calls and he altogether ceased to exist to you, I hope that he's lost interest and is looking for a more caring and less vain woman.
Find somebody else to occupy your time and leave the good men alone.
And have "the talk" for what? Why should this man take you seriously and agree to be exclusive? No need to assume that it's even worth discussing at this point. You showed with your actions that only casual fun is what you choose.
I think you were mean, disrespectful, and untrustworthy to him. He's doing the right thing by no longer dating or speaking to you. Sorry, but you're the one who did it. Leave him alone so he can find somebody else without distraction.
You probably made him feel unimportant, so he made you unimportant.
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We haven't had 'the talk' so I would consider us casual.
Then you are creating an issue out of nothing, casual is just that casual and he has no obligation to you and obviously you felt no obligation to him to keep in touch while you were gone and you found someone in a club as well.
It appears he is not as important to you as he thought he was so "the talk" in my opinion would be useless to have.
You were kind of rude and you really came off like you really didn't care if he was in your life or not.
If this is casual you should've made the point in saying something. Men don't always have to initiate the talk. Next time open your mouth and don't assume things are a certain way without talking to the other person. Especially if you're trying to date other people.
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