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And you are correct, men could care less about getting married. This whole thing is fabricated by women.
If a guy is divorced, the last thing he is going to want to do is get married.
True. The poor guy has just finished divided up his stuff with his ex and after a 15 year marriage the divorce was probably a little messy and lessened his net worth. So respecting his wishes not to get married again would seem the most intuitive and supportive thing to do as his friend.
However, most women love declarations of love and all dream of a guy who is willing to vow to spend the rest of his life in her company. This seems to validate their self worth and worth to the rest of the world.
If you're not going to have kids with him, perhaps a good compromise for a while would be just to go steady instead. Maybe having a promise ring would be enough for the O.P., but anyway, she should understand why he wouldn't want to leap into another marriage and having his assets be shared by another person again.
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
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Wow the guy was married for 15 years, and it failed... So you know him for 3 months (or 1/60th of 15yrs) and talk marriage? Lets see that was over Christmas and he asked to not talk about again so you waited all the way to New Years (1 week) to Bring it up again.. He may get married again but it won't be for several years.. Heck even if he had'nt been crushed 3 months ain't long enough...... 3 years maybee 3 months no way...
You're dating a man who has been married and (divorced? Widowed?). We have no input on his marriage (good? Bad? Horrendous?), but obviously he's not ready for another commitment yet, as he has told you numerous times.
You: Marriage, marriage, marriage. Am I wasting my time with you?
Him: Okay, with this one it's marriage or nothing. She's not listening now, so I don't think she'll listen later. Time to leave.
Guys...once again, thanks for your input. I am 45 and he in he is 51. I was and am not trying to convince him to marry me. I was just having a moment where I was emotional and wondering where he was in the relationship. To all who have responded....we have worked this one out. We are together and it actually brought us closer together. We had an EXCELLENT weekend and he told me exactly what I wanted to hear from him. He also said he doesn't want me to feel that I can't talk to him about our relationship. It was just my timing of the last conversation. He also is aware of some of things that he was saying to me to make me feel insecure and he is no longer saying them. He addressed them in an email to me and apologized. He said in the email that he has never had so much fun nor wanted to be with anyone as much as he wants to be with me. More importantly, he shows me that he means what he says and I am completely satisfied with everything.
Is it possible your boyfriend is right? By that I mean, if you're already bringing up the subject of marriage after only a few months, then it's most likely a very important issue to you. If he's been clear from the start that it isn't something he wants, it may be very well that you're on different paths here in this journey. Perhaps he can see clearly that those roads would never cross in either direction.
I was married for quiet a few years and do not plan on ever getting married again. I do hope to find a very special one to share my life with. I don't think that that caring about someone means that you marry them in the end. Especially for those of us that have been through marriage and desire no more kids.
I think perhaps you should give some serious thought if you could actually continue your relationship falling deeper in love with him and truly accept not marrying. If you can, then I would give him some time and try to have a heart to heart conversation about your relationship and that subject. He has to understand that you care about him with or without a ring. If that's not true - then there's probably someone out there for you with the same life goals that would bring you much more happiness in the long run.
Good luck and I'm sorry you're hurting. Loosing someone - even temporarily stinks! Have faith though.
Bluegrassgirl - this is the second post of yours that is dead on!!! You rock!
(even though you're a bluegrass girl )
And PS - WTF IS it with females & the "M" word anyway??? YUCK!!!
insert barfing smiley - in fact, insert a whole bunch of them!!!
Honey, if he don't love you enough to be with you as if you "were", then a piece of freakin paper ain't gonna do sh*t!!!!!!! Stop dreaming!!!!!
The only thing it'll do is cause misery when you get a divorce - which you will if the relationship wasn't the way it should be anyway...
Jeez, what is so difficult to grasp?!
*If you (as in anyone) are religious then I understand it is part of your belief system, especially if you want kids. (UGH!!!) so thus disregard my post because it doesn't pertain to you
sometimes all you need to tell him is eactly how you feel. but first think about it this man was married for 15 years and it STILL fell apart, maybe he thinks marriage ruins everything, maybe his insecure maybe his wound still hasnt healed. what it really comes down to is that he decided this before he met you so it has nothing to do with you at all. you need to let him know that the comment you made wasnt intended in the way he preceived it but rather you werent thinking so much about what those exact words would portray to him and you were just having a bad day. he needs to know you want to be with him because with him your happy and if it ever comes to the point where marriage will make or break it you'll cross that bridge when you come to it but you'd rather not loose out on a great guy ad potentially the best thing thats ever happened to you because hes afraid your looking for a husband 3 months in. but at the same time make sure that this decision isnt going to come back one day and haunt you because you convinced him marriage isnt important and one day you realize you want to marry this guy and get hurt because he wont perpose... i hope this helps
I've been dating this man for the past 3+ months and things have been going great. This is the best relationship I've ever been in. We are good friends. We can talk. We support one another. We laugh from our guts till we can't breathe. We both have good jobs. He is dependable. We are compatible with the same interests, etc. He took me away to an island for the holidays and we had a great time. I am crazy about him. We both treat one another great. We may have spent too much time together during the holidays as we were together for 2 weeks straight. I usually see him mostly on the weekends so this was a big change. He was married for 15 years and I've never been married. About a month + into our relationship the subject of marriage came up very innocently in a conversation. At that point, he told me that he didn't think he would get married again. I guess I was disappointed to hear him say that as, although it is not a deal breaker for me, I was hoping to meet someone that was at least open to it. I asked him if he could just keep and open mind and he asked the same of me. We moved forward and did not have any more discussion about it till New Year's night. I was feeling a bit anxious as we had just spent 6 wonderful days away and had a great New Years, etc. I was feeling all these feelings and I guess I wanted to know where he was at. I know this man shows me that he is crazy about me but I think I just needed to hear something. Anything....He has made a few comments from time to time that make me wonder such as "when I meet Mr. Right" and things like that. Anyway, we got into this conversation and I asked him what he was thinking and feeling. He made a comment to me that it was too soon for him and that he was committed to me but that again, he did not think he could get married again. He said that if that was what I wanted, I would need to find someone else. I'm not sure why, but what came out of my mouth was "am I wasting my time with you?" I was having a very off day and I know I should have gone home earlier. I didn't mean what I said because quite honestly, getting married is not a deal breaker for me and it's not like we talk about it often. However, he is hyper-sensitive about certain things and a few times has over-reacted to certain things that I've said. Anyway, 2 days later, he broke-up with me. He said that he was very hurt by what I said about am I wasting my time after the wonderful time we just had, etc. He said he feels that we have different goals and he thinks I would get hurt. I am so upset that I even had this conversation with him. My friends have told me that men hate these conversations but quite honestly, after talking with him about the relationship and speaking with my friends, I realize it is way too early to be having conversations like this. I just want to go forward the way things have been with him. He explained to me how he views the relationship and I agree with him and I understand it. I told him I think 95% of our relationship is great and he agrees with me. I told him that people would die to have our relationship and he knows this is true but he said he does not want to go forward with me. I am heartbroken because I feel like I made a mistake. I have apologized to him and he said he accepts it but he still feels very hurt. I guess I would like to hear some comments from some of you guys out there....thank-you.
I'll give you one input right off the bat: please use paragraphs.
Go catch it.. Even Mr Big who was totally in love with Carrie Bradshaw freaked out at the thought of marriage
Might give you some perspective as to what he's thinking
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you know him best
