Disagreement on # of kids, permanent resentment ensues? (therapy, husbands, children)

[Katnan]

You've been given a lot of good advice, so I don't have much more to contribute, but to second (third, fifth, tenth?) counseling for both of you. The resentment could easily build on both sides for different reasons, it's not confined only to her resentment if she can't have another child. You have so much on your plate as well, none of which is trivial in comparison to her feelings.

I understand that people, although it seems mainly women, dream of a certain number of children, but that's all well and good before you start having them. Once they're here, so many things can change. It's a shame she is fixated on having a child, seemingly with no consideration for the three people already here in the family who are struggling. Getting the three of you to a better place "should" be the priority over simply trying to add another child to the mix.

This is something you cannot solve alone. Please start researching therapists/counselors in your area, ask your doctor for any recommendations. Thinking of you all with my best wishes for a positive outcome for all.

[Ceece]

Originally I didn't want kids then when I got married I did. After the first was born, and was such an easy baby, we talked about having 3-4. When the second came along, also very easy, I decided to stop. By then I had met kids through various play groups that had all sorts of issues that I didn't even know existed (autism, OCD, anxiety, ADHD, etc.). Once I knew that was a possibility I didn't want to push my luck. I was a SAHM and our finances were always a consideration. Point is, plans always change based on facts and reality. DO talk to someone.

[mortpes]

Stop the complaining and cut your tubes. Man up. Sorry but real life needs real solutions. Another child would only worsen the situation and not be at fair to the child. Today there is no real reason to have children and as thinking intelligent beings we should be able to see that. Yeah I love kids. (There is a natural reason your wife is not pregnant and there is great danger in pushing forward)

[bluemoon75]

I agree, you really shouldn't have another child in your rather stressed family life already. Since your wife is sick and not always able to help, that puts tremendous pressure and stress on you. You do have a say in things.

Also, just a FYI.. not sure if your wife is getting treatment for her hypothyroid condition, but hypothryoidism is a cause of miscarriages. She will need to get her condition treated before even trying again.

I wish you well..

[Checkered24]

Thanks everyone for some very good advice, constructive criticism, and support! A ton of great posts, which I am still reading through. I may post back a little more later, but I didn't want to just ghost on it!

[Mikala43]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I would really try counseling. Perhaps the counselor will get through to your wife the things that you can't. I wouldn't give in though. You may end up resenting the children and your wife, and that's no way to live.

[SeaOfGrass]

I don't have any more advice to add, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're in this position. From reading your posts, you seem like a good guy. Wishing you the best of luck.

[Chowhound]

The cold hard reality is that the "no" vote should win, no matter what, as the child doesn't need to have parents that aren't "all in" as the OP said...

The other hard reality is that it sounds like due to the wife's medical issues it sounds like he's doing more of the heavy lifting.....

Tough spot to be in... sorry for the OP.... most of the time I can zero in on an issue and find an obvious side.... this one, not so much........

I hope things in general work out... life can be tough at times.......

[Djuna]

I wish lovesMountains could chime in with her wisdom. Miss you xxx

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by Djuna

I wish lovesMountains could chime in with her wisdom. Miss you xxx

Agree. Her compassionate wisdom would be invaluable.