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trmaoy: Well, good for you! I would do the same thing as to cutting off contact. I am also in agreement that I feel "a problem with me. Rationally, I know this isn't true but I feel it anyway. Then the anger replaces that. This is where I am today. How dare someone take my genuineness and kindness and try to play me for a fool." I have come to the conclusion that who needs that kind of "friend" in their lives?
I've had similar problems before but I hold ALL my friends responsible for their selfish behavior. Sometimes you have to be pushy and direct if you want anything done, othertimes you have to let go and realize that the friendship has terminated on its own.
I've been to some newcomer groups and sometimes the people there arn't the best. Just because it says newcomer group welcome all! Doesn't mean its true or that you are going to get along well.
Also somebody posted that guys are the most flakey. I've known a lot of guys who are flakes.
give as I am able - expect nothing in return
remember those who helps me who owed me nothing
i think you hit the nail right on the head, however it isn't always easy to stick to this perspective. we get caught up to often in what we want, what we think we should be gettting...we are all guilty of being selfish and selfcentered...
i think you hit the nail right on the head, however it isn't always easy to stick to this perspective. we get caught up to often in what we want, what we think we should be gettting...we are all guilty of being selfish and selfcentered...
If both people are completely happy with that sort of friendship, then it's fine. But usually, it's the person who is giving more that starts to feel used and is resentful about the situation. And in that case, either talk it out or cut that taker out of your life. A taker is a parasite that will keep taking forever. If the relationship or friendship is too unbalanced, then it becomes toxic to the giver.
There is a book called Matchlines by Dr. Molly Barrow and her feeling is that for the best and happiest relationships and friendships, one should seek the company of those who have a similar love and giving capacity in their personality profile. And that makes sense to me.
i think you hit the nail right on the head, however it isn't always easy to stick to this perspective. we get caught up to often in what we want, what we think we should be gettting...we are all guilty of being selfish and selfcentered...
What I want is a friendship...so I meet someone, we get along, I get her number, I call her, it's cool, we meet. Then 2 weeks go by, again I call her, we meet, it's cool...still another 2 weeks pass and she does not call me. So because I am "caught up to often in what (I) want" I am being the selfish one by continuing to call her???? It amazes me how things get turned around. I do not see how I am the one being selfish by me making the effort and always doing the calling and the setting of venues, etc.
What I want is a friendship...so I meet someone, we get along, I get her number, I call her, it's cool, we meet. Then 2 weeks go by, again I call her, we meet, it's cool...still another 2 weeks pass and she does not call me. So because I am "caught up to often in what (I) want" I am being the selfish one by continuing to call her???? It amazes me how things get turned around. I do not see how I am the one being selfish by me making the effort and always doing the calling and the setting of venues, etc.
What sort of activities were you doing with her when you did get together with her?
we each have 2 that are all in 2-5 age ranges. the kids get along very well.
One thought is that you are a better multitasker than she is. Two children in that age group is a lot of work and attention. She may not be as good as you in scheduling ahead to make plans with friends on top of her childcare and household duties. And she may not be as hungry as you are for adult company during her day.
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