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2) Average women have more success pursuing "hot" men than average men do with "hot" women (to address your statement about women getting played). The hot men and women of both genders get tons of messages. But the men are more likely to respond. If the women did, we'd be hearing more stories about men getting played (or whatever the inverse is...I would suggest "used")
As for why we don't hear about them: We do on occasion, but typically they're passed off as liars. Also, those who have more success with social experiences aren't as likely to discuss them online. Because they're off being social
While interesting points, these don't really zero in on the issue that men tend to use OLD more for playing women. Women tend to go there looking for LTR material. (Barring the young, narcissistic types, maybe.) There seem to be many more men there looking for casual sex (but they play the game and pretend they're looking for a relationship) than there are women looking for the same. So the fact that women may have better luck going for men above their league (I'd have to see it to believe it, but, whatever) doesn't mean they're using that advantage to be players. They're tending more to use it to find a good LTR.
The other complaint I've heard about OLD is that there are men on there also looking for an LTR, but they're overcommitted to their work, and don't have time for a relationship. They're businessmen who travel a lot and are rarely home. So they're able to attract women initially, and even get along well up to a point. They may dazzle the woman with a free trip abroad, or do other things to make her feel like he's really into her (and he may well be) and like she found a great guy. But then, when he's gone on long business trips and they rarely see each other, it falls apart, because women want more togetherness time with their guy. But those guys don't seem to have trouble getting dates.
While interesting points, these don't really zero in on the issue that men tend to use OLD more for playing women. Women tend to go there looking for LTR material. (Barring the young, narcissistic types, maybe.) There seem to be many more men there looking for casual sex (but they play the game and pretend they're looking for a relationship) than there are women looking for the same. So the fact that women may have better luck going for men above their league (I'd have to see it to believe it, but, whatever) doesn't mean they're using that advantage to be players. They're tending more to use it to find a good LTR.
All those things are true, but:
1) That doesn't make it any different than real life, where those roles and behaviors are pretty much the same, and
(edit: I refer back to my previous post about how many perceptions are magnified online. )
2) I wasn't suggesting that women are using that capacity to be players. I was suggesting that women run INTO more players as a result of their preferred search criteria.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
The other complaint I've heard about OLD is that there are men on there also looking for an LTR, but they're overcommitted to their work, and don't have time for a relationship. They're businessmen who travel a lot and are rarely home. So they're able to attract women initially, and even get along well up to a point. They may dazzle the woman with a free trip abroad, or do other things to make her feel like he's really into her (and he may well be) and like she found a great guy. But then, when he's gone on long business trips and they rarely see each other, it falls apart, because women want more togetherness time with their guy. But those guys don't seem to have trouble getting dates.
This is true, I'm sure, and definitely goes both ways. Busier types are drawn to OLD because of its convenience.
Last edited by Hivemind31; 02-03-2015 at 09:13 PM..
Regarding the OP: OLD simply magnifies the experiences you come across in the real world because of the ease which you can browse people.
Women getting hit on by creeps? Expect that x100 online.
Men getting blown off? Expect that x100 online.
..etc.
Is it an "over abundance"? That boils down to whether or not the user can handle it. But if it's too much, they always have the option to log off.
I've mentioned it before, but OLD and the fact that you're "protected" by a monitor and a CAT5/6 cable makes a lot of people brave. Crankshaft exposures from a guy wouldn't see the time of day in a public setting (I hope) and a woman would at least be likely to roll her eyes through a date if you asked her out in person. So, in the latter regard, her simply mass deleting tons of messages she hasn't opened may not be a bad thing. Saves your time. For some reason, I had a few women way back when try to get me to move lose to them for some reason over chats. I didn't really get that part.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathguy
1) Write a sincere detailed profile.
2) Get a GOOD but realistic profile picture....no crappy selfies.
3) Get a thick skin and settle in for the long haul if you are looking for a special person because there are a lot of people on the sites and only a small % will be right for you.
None of that matters. Just be really good looking. Everyone loves hiking, traveling, has a great career, loves their friends and family, etc. Most narratives are going to probably hit on all that. We all know this by now, so it's the pictures that matter. This is no different than wondering whether hacking out detailed openers or "copypastas" to loads of recipients is wiser. Most people probably don't believe half of what they put on their profiles, so responding to that won't matter. Being good looking does.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vigueur2014
I think OLD is great for guys who have the people skills, and ability to attract women cerebrally. It sucks for guys who rely on looks, or have a tough time talking to women in person.
I would sincerely bet on that being completely reversed. OLD turns folks into a pile of pictures and numbers and totally negates someone's charisma and people skills. As I said above, people get braver when "protected" and well crafted copypastas can help. Of course, come that first date, you can't mass message your date at the table. Well, actually, I guess you can, but it might be pretty awkward.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlfredB1979
None of that matters. Just be really good looking. Everyone loves hiking, traveling, has a great career, loves their friends and family, etc. Most narratives are going to probably hit on all that. We all know this by now, so it's the pictures that matter. This is no different than wondering whether hacking out detailed openers or "copypastas" to loads of recipients is wiser. Most people probably don't believe half of what they put on their profiles, so responding to that won't matter. Being good looking does.
False. The profile matters a ton. Cookie cutter profiles get you cookie cutter people and canned responses, if any.
It's not only what you say, but how you say it. Most all profiles are bland templates. It's no wonder they don't get much feedback. Put your personality into it. Show your passions, just don't write what you like to do. Create a narrative.
Whether I hit it off with a woman or not (you can't tell chemistry until you meet), across the board the feedback I got was that my profile really represented who I am, and it told them accurately who they'd be meeting. They knew my energy level and communication style before we ever met.
The OP talks about the supply of men online, but doesn't talk about the quality of that supply. A woman may get a message from 10 different guys and ignore 9 of them. Is she being picky? Or is it that the 9 guys just weren't attractive. "Picky" is a label a lot of guys apply to a woman in order to cope with rejection. But how is this different than the real world? A woman may get hit on by 10 men, only one of whom was attractive. As for online dating, let's keep in mind why the ratio is so skewed. It's because women get bombarded with messages from men who are just playing the numbers game. That causes a lot of women to leave the site. In the real world, women can't do that.
Online dating is a tool, nothing more and nothing less. Like all tools, what you get out of it really depends on how you use it. But too many men go in expecting some kind of guarantee. They think having access to a larger pool of women will increase their odds of finding someone. Maybe it does, depending on the type of person you're looking for. It can definitely help you find people you might not otherwise meet. But beyond that, the same old rules still apply.
None of that matters. Just be really good looking. Everyone loves hiking, traveling, has a great career, loves their friends and family, etc. Most narratives are going to probably hit on all that. We all know this by now, so it's the pictures that matter. This is no different than wondering whether hacking out detailed openers or "copypastas" to loads of recipients is wiser. Most people probably don't believe half of what they put on their profiles, so responding to that won't matter. Being good looking does.
I would sincerely bet on that being completely reversed. OLD turns folks into a pile of pictures and numbers and totally negates someone's charisma and people skills. As I said above, people get braver when "protected" and well crafted copypastas can help. Of course, come that first date, you can't mass message your date at the table. Well, actually, I guess you can, but it might be pretty awkward.
People use fake pictures or pictures from 15 years ago too.
Personalized messages and non-generic backgrounds are how they can tell the person is legit.
None of this gets rid of the scum but helps to establish that you are legit. Can't do anything about the rest.
False. The profile matters a ton. Cookie cutter profiles get you cookie cutter people and canned responses, if any.
It's not only what you say, but how you say it. Most all profiles are bland templates. It's no wonder they don't get much feedback. Put your personality into it. Show your passions, just don't write what you like to do. Create a narrative.
Whether I hit it off with a woman or not (you can't tell chemistry until you meet), across the board the feedback I got was that my profile really represented who I am, and it told them accurately who they'd be meeting. They knew my energy level and communication style before we ever met.
The other realistic component to online dating how you can sort by hard facts. Say you're a 25 year old guy and you only want to date women in the age range of 21-28. That same age range isn't so black and white in day to day interactions, because there's so many more dynamics at play. Online you can keep your desires as complex or loose as you desire.
Where as in day to day, that same 25 year old guy could meet a woman who's 19 or 39, and is exactly what he's looking for. There's a better change that that same woman wouldn't get the guys attention online, because they wouldn't fall within his age parameters. The difference in day to day compared to online, is that he's not getting shown x amount of women all at once.
I'm not saying this is always true, but I do believe good men and good women slide through the cracks from each other online.
While interesting points, these don't really zero in on the issue that men tend to use OLD more for playing women. Women tend to go there looking for LTR material. (Barring the young, narcissistic types, maybe.) There seem to be many more men there looking for casual sex (but they play the game and pretend they're looking for a relationship) than there are women looking for the same. So the fact that women may have better luck going for men above their league (I'd have to see it to believe it, but, whatever) doesn't mean they're using that advantage to be players. They're tending more to use it to find a good LTR.
The other complaint I've heard about OLD is that there are men on there also looking for an LTR, but they're overcommitted to their work, and don't have time for a relationship. They're businessmen who travel a lot and are rarely home. So they're able to attract women initially, and even get along well up to a point. They may dazzle the woman with a free trip abroad, or do other things to make her feel like he's really into her (and he may well be) and like she found a great guy. But then, when he's gone on long business trips and they rarely see each other, it falls apart, because women want more togetherness time with their guy. But those guys don't seem to have trouble getting dates.
I had several men try to play me. I was smart enough not to do that but I feel for women who think they meet a good guy only to find out he wants sex and no relationship. There are plenty of women who just want sex, why do these men go after the women who want a relationship and hurt them? I know there are men who got hurt, but those mainly seem to be men who would get rejected by women who didn't want them. I was accused of "hurting" men because I had no interest.
The OP talks about the supply of men online, but doesn't talk about the quality of that supply. A woman may get a message from 10 different guys and ignore 9 of them. Is she being picky? Or is it that the 9 guys just weren't attractive. "Picky" is a label a lot of guys apply to a woman in order to cope with rejection. But how is this different than the real world? A woman may get hit on by 10 men, only one of whom was attractive. As for online dating, let's keep in mind why the ratio is so skewed. It's because women get bombarded with messages from men who are just playing the numbers game. That causes a lot of women to leave the site. In the real world, women can't do that.
Online dating is a tool, nothing more and nothing less. Like all tools, what you get out of it really depends on how you use it. But too many men go in expecting some kind of guarantee. They think having access to a larger pool of women will increase their odds of finding someone. Maybe it does, depending on the type of person you're looking for. It can definitely help you find people you might not otherwise meet. But beyond that, the same old rules still apply.
I got called "picky" often because I rejected men. However, the men I was rejecting were men not what I wanted, like dads or older men. My profile clearly stated men 10+ years either way and childless so why a 70 year old or a single dad meant them is beyond me.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
I'm not saying this is always true, but I do believe good men and good women slide through the cracks from each other online.
Oh sure. The person I'm dating now would have overllooked each other online. We looked at each others profiles for fun after we started dating.
She is 5 years younger, which was outside of my filter. I would have even noticed her.
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