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Are there secrets to long-standing, happy marriages? If so, what are they? And I mean truly content couples, not the kind of relationships where 2 people tough it out for the sake of kids, emotional or financial security.
I've been married almost 36 years and, I guess, I would have to say we're still best friends above all else. Our marriage has plenty of flaws, and we both find ourselves making many, many compromises to make it work. We also started out with a great romance in the beginning and I guess remnants of this never really die.
How do you keep your relationship strong and healthy? Do you have special ways of handling conflict, boredom, stress? Tips for reigniting those times when the sparks just seem to be gone?
Would love to hear from successful couples who have it together.
I don't know if we qualify as "long-standing" - we are going to celebrate our 10 year anniversary in April - but we are really, really happy. We really balance each other out and are able to make each other laugh. We laugh together every day. We also communicate. If we are feeling something - we don't keep it in. We deal with everything and are closer because of it. We trust each other completely. I'm happier just being in the same room with him and I can't imagine going through my life with out him!
My wife and I have been married 38 years and we're just... compatible. There's no magic secret other than we picked well to begin with. Our personalities are similar and we rarely fight. There's never been any second thoughts or doubt, we just mesh well.
Well, I bailed out of a 30 year marriage and now am into a relationship of 19 years (married 17). What i have learned is:
1. Don't let any single partner dominate the relationship for too long. Keep the balance.
2. Lay off the "helpful feedback".
3. Never interfere (advice for men), unless you are asked.
4. Stay in touch; talk a lot; pay attention/listen to what your partner says.
5. It doesn't cost anything to be a "sweet person"/nice guy and in fact it pays dividends.
6. Give your partner the attention they ask for. If they don't ask. Ask them what they want.
7. If you want something, ask for it factually (I want xxxx).
I don't know if it counts as a long time, but we're coming up on 15 years in April. We're the original Odd Couple, polar opposites in almost every way... but we don't try to change one another, and we both love the other more than our own self. I can't think of anything we do in particular to make it work, but laughter is important, as is doing something unexpected every now and then. And it also helps that we never, ever, ever gripe about each other to other people; if one of us is pissed of, the other one is the first to know.
Like the person you marry. Some people say that they love the person they are with, but they don't like them. That is a huge red flag!
You spend more time with your spouse than anyone else, so you have to like them.
No partner should dominate the relationship, although they can dominate aspects of it. You just have to agree on it. ( for example: one partner does the brunt of childcare, one partner pays the bills.)
Don't fight about the small and irrelevant things. It usually is a symptom of a deeper issue. Dealing with the bigger issue can solve the small issues.
As you go through life together there are often different paths you choose to take. Always choose the path that brings you together.
These are things to avoid: Working in different cities, having opposite work schedules, choosing opposite sleep schedules, neglecting your sex life, having emotional or physical affairs, berating your spouse in public.
I love all of the responses here and it's wonderful to hear from others who have long, successful marriages.
Besides being best friends, lovers and confidantes, one of the things that I truly appreciate about my husband is how he's always, always been in my corner. Throughout my various career paths, personal challenges, insecurities, etc, he's not only displayed full confidence and respect for my choices, he's found ways to make life easier for me and help me succeed. Whenever I've lost confidence or feel discouraged, he somehow manages to show me how much he respects me and how talented he thinks I am.
In turn, I recognized early in our marriage that he needed a great deal of maternal nurturing. He grew up without a strong mother figure, so I realized that he did best with someone who would look after his health and well-being in a big way.
I'm also really proud about the family we created together and this has made our marriage strong, as well. Additionally, our kids often refer to our relationship as one they admire and hope to model after.
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