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She was married before. That was a train wreck in itself and I think this is where a lot of the insecurity comes from.
Well, maybe I'm the jealous type too then ...and maybe your wife IS overreacting to disbelieve you and continue to bring it up...BUT my take on situations like this is that while it may not have been an "emotional affair" YET, it did have all the makings for one...or more.
All I'm saying is that from what you described it would have bothered me too and I consider that "wisdom" not "insecurity."
I'd like to believe that nothing would have ever happened but I guess we are all human. And humans are capable of unspeakable acts.
I try to be better than that but I guess we all screw up....because we're human.
Well, for you personally, perhaps not. However, I think a lot of people have been very surprised to find themselves "over their heads" in a situation they never thought they'd be in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee
yes, and I think your not only thoughtful but mature....
Not seeking approval. Just want to know what you would think.
I never let cycling interfere with my family life. Or at least I try not to. On saturday mornings I ride as early as 5:00am. When I get back sometimes everyone is still in bed. And I offer equal (if not more) time for my wife to do her own activities (shopping, scrap booking, bingo etc) And my wife and I do share common interest such as NASCAR. We go to races together and watch the races on sunday afternoons. It's not like we do our own thing all the time and are never together. I feel like we have a healthy relationship.
And I'm not a dead beat husband who doesn't make time for his kids. I spend as much time caring for them as my wife does. I even coached our oldest daughters soccer team a couple of seasons.
And I have no...I reapeat...absolutely no romantic feelings for this woman who used to be my friend. And I never would have romantic feelings for her under any circumstances. It just ain't happening!
I'm enthusiastic about cycling. And I have tried my best to include my wife in this activity but she isn't intersted. I understand. I'm not interested in scrapbooking in the least. I would never be jealous of her doing scrap booking with somebody when I don't care at all about it. That would be my own fault for not being interested. I made friends with this gal because she was enthusiastic about cycling too. To me it didn't matter if she was male or female. If it was a guy I wouldn't have done anything different. Would my wife assume I was having an affair with a guy if I was spending time with him and helping him out? I don't think so. So it's my fault for making a female friend. That sucks.
She asked me to build up a bike for her because I do it all the time with my own bikes and it wasn't a big deal for me to do it. It wasn't like she was asking me to build a rocket and go to the moon. It's easy stuff to me. To me working on bikes is nearly as much fun as riding.
Was she aware that I am married with 3 kids? Yeah. And I'm aware that she is married and has 2 kids. Nobody was attempting to hide anything here. She even invited us on several occasions to bring the kids over for a BBQ/pool party. She wanted to be a friend of my family's just as much as she wanted to just be a cycling pal. The intent was honest and heartfelt. It made me feel terrible that I had to tell her I couldn't be associated with her any longer because I know she was just trying to make new friends.
Okay, that was my next question, did you try to be friends as families? And you did. I honestly think I would feel the same way as your wife, and yes, it sucks that you cannot be friends with her but you have to keep the peace with the woman you will be coming home to after your wonderful bike ride. You have to ask, was that bike ride with your good friend worth it when you came home and faced the wife's wrath? I would say no, and do it alone next time listening to your favorite music and thinking of how lucky you are to have such a great family to come home to! Good luck!
I.....uh...ok....maybe need an example of someone who we know is innocent here huh?
Yeah, like OJ ...... Wait .......
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