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"People who divided opinion - those that were rated as both very beautiful and very ugly - did far better than those who everyone agreed were quite cute."
I find it very hard to believe that "very ugly" people did better than "quite cute". Maybe I'm biased but "cute" is who I approach almost every time. Cute says approachable to me. It's the 'Mary Ann' vs. 'Ginger' phenomenon.
And at the end of the day, that's what it's all about (the bolded part). So many people are hung up on looks, weight, some other physical feature that they don't get to experience the real person. Find two extremely attractive people married, are they truly happy? Do they truly love each other? Or are they getting so much side a$$ that it dont matter...
Where are all those guys??? I switched back to Match. I get very few responses to messages I send, had two cancelled meet and greets that were asked for by the guys, while I do get approached by men several inches shorter than I am, or the separated guys. There are about 90 men within a 50 mile radius that meet my reasonable criteria. About 80% of the guys in my age range (+/- 5 years of my own age) are looking for women younger than me, or I am topping their age range. Moving is really not an option for me. I just moved, and the relo cost a fortune. But I have no clue what these guys are looking for. I have not perused the women's profiles in my area. I feels kind of weird if I did that. Truth be told, though, even when I lived in a major city, I still had the same problem. Perhaps my approach is off? What do you guys use for ice breakers, for instance? I pick something in their profile, and comment on it, or ask a question.
One thing I've noticed (and I'm not suggesting this is the case with you) is that people who are overweight will often use their weight as an excuse to explain why they don't get asked out. Yes, there are men who won't ask a woman out if she's overweight. But in a lot of cases, they wouldn't ask her out even if she was thin. I've known people like this, male and female, who broadcast their insecurities about their weight, height, you name it. And what they don't realize is that it's their insecurity that's turning people off, not their appearance.
I would agree, to a point. But OLD is a prime example where such criteria make or break the deal. The conversation won't even get started because of it, so the parties involved don't even get an opportunity to show who they are. I have not seen any profile so far that complained about their perceived shortcomings as a reason for not getting any traffic, or getting asked out.
Moreso, a woman could have all the "features" a guy is looking for, but when she packs on a few extra pounds (I'm not talking grossly and debilitatingly obese), everything else seems to fade in light of this imperfection.
A few extra pounds ARE the features I'm looking for.
"People who divided opinion - those that were rated as both very beautiful and very ugly - did far better than those who everyone agreed were quite cute."
I find it very hard to believe that "very ugly" people did better than "quite cute". Maybe I'm biased but "cute" is who I approach almost every time. Cute says approachable to me. It's the 'Mary Ann' vs. 'Ginger' phenomenon.
I'm pretty sure they twisted the original data for the purposes of the BBC article. I think I remember reading the Okcupid data and the OKCupid article gave a completely different analysis.
I would agree, to a point. But OLD is a prime example where such criteria make or break the deal. The conversation won't even get started because of it, so the parties involved don't even get an opportunity to show who they are. I have not seen any profile so far that complained about their perceived shortcomings as a reason for not getting any traffic, or getting asked out.
I'm not referring to just online dating. I'm talking in general. Both on and offline, people have their deal breakers, things they'll never be flexible on. Sure it stinks that someone will never discover what a great person you are because they can't look past your age, height, weight, etc. But that's just the nature of dating. It was true long before online dating came along. Now it's just easier to screen out people. As for people who complain about their shortcomings, I'm not describing people online. Obviously, no one's going to post in their profile that women reject them because of their height. But in real life and on more than a few threads here, you'll come across people who say their weight or their height is why they can't get dates. And for some of these people, there's a lot of truth to it. But I also think a lot of people are just shifting the blame. They're frustrated with their lack of success in dating and rather than accept some responsibility for that, they want to point the finger at everyone else. I know one person who is constantly saying men don't ask her out because of her age and her weight. What I don't have the heart to tell her is that it's her insecurities and lack of self-confidence that men can spot a mile away and are turned off by.
I'm not referring to just online dating. I'm talking in general. Both on and offline, people have their deal breakers, things they'll never be flexible on. Sure it stinks that someone will never discover what a great person you are because they can't look past your age, height, weight, etc. But that's just the nature of dating. It was true long before online dating came along. Now it's just easier to screen out people. As for people who complain about their shortcomings, I'm not describing people online. Obviously, no one's going to post in their profile that women reject them because of their height. But in real life and on more than a few threads here, you'll come across people who say their weight or their height is why they can't get dates. And for some of these people, there's a lot of truth to it. But I also think a lot of people are just shifting the blame. They're frustrated with their lack of success in dating and rather than accept some responsibility for that, they want to point the finger at everyone else. I know one person who is constantly saying men don't ask her out because of her age and her weight. What I don't have the heart to tell her is that it's her insecurities and lack of self-confidence that men can spot a mile away and are turned off by.
Good point! But there come a time where you have to ask if the chicken or the egg came first when it comes to brow-beaten, deflated people who suffer from lack of dates. I think over time, it would wear on the strongest of us to see others pair up, and while yourself remains alone. I'd like to believe that many of those folks may engage of various levels of self-analysis for their own betterment, or consultations with friends and family.
Good point! But there come a time where you have to ask if the chicken or the egg came first when it comes to brow-beaten, deflated people who suffer from lack of dates. I think over time, it would wear on the strongest of us to see others pair up, and while yourself remains alone. I'd like to believe that many of those folks may engage of various levels of self-analysis for their own betterment, or consultations with friends and family.
It wears on you, but only if you let it. I've never been married and haven't been in a lot of relationships. But I've rarely found myself envious of people who had a partner. Part of that is because you never see what things are like in private. A couple in public may seem happy, but who knows how happy they really are. Plus, I can't envy someone who has a partner that I would never want to be with. Good for them that they found someone. But it's not like I'd want to swap places with them. As for what came first, the chicken or the egg, I don't think that matters nearly as much as coming to terms with where you are now. Rejection is part of dating. You can't take it personally. It's not a reflection on your worth, but that's how a lot of people treat it. Sure it feels great knowing that lots of people want to date you. But guess what? It's usually temporary. Think about the slim 20something who has guys asking her out all the time. And then she reaches her 40s and maybe she'a gained weight. Now she suddenly finds fewer men want to date her. Yes, that's hard to deal with when you were so used to getting attention. But that's why you can't base your self-esteem on how others see you, but on how you see yourself. My own opinion of myself isn't a function of how popular I am.
When I reentered the dating scene late summer '11 I was about a size 14/16, and looked good. Men still contacted me, a lot of men, but I likely did receive more attention/messages/likes when I hit a 10/12... and I weighed 180 lbs then, at 5'9.5".
Yes, a lot of men *do* care about size/physique, as do women. Older men and divorced men with children tended to be more forgiving and understanding of "imperfections" brought on by pregnancies, weight fluctuations, breastfeeding, etc.
I'm wasn't usually attracted to big men, but it depends on height and build, really.
I'm not referring to just online dating. I'm talking in general. Both on and offline, people have their deal breakers, things they'll never be flexible on. Sure it stinks that someone will never discover what a great person you are because they can't look past your age, height, weight, etc. But that's just the nature of dating..
And that, in and of itself, is ok with me, I understand people's personal preferences. But the one specific person I was referring to made such a big F'ing deal about going out on a date with a chick he met on OLD which turned out to be fat that he made it sound like he was scarred for life, in fact he came here to post about it... REALLY? Get over yourself buddy...
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