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Would it not stand to reason, that in a rural area the median weight is higher, for both men and women? The OP might expect more criticism over her weight in a trendy cosmopolitan city stocked with young professionals, but in a rural locale, without the culture of gyms and climbing-walls and gluten-free bakeries, presumably being overweight is more common.
Well, here nature is your gym. There are a few rather small and simple gyms in the area, but nothing like Lifetime Fitness etc. Which is something I really miss. The average weight may be higher because of the lower socioeconomic status of the people in the area, relying on inexpensive, processed foods, as opposed to a cleaner version of nutrition.
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Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
Neither should being 50 be such an impediment. Lots of men in their 50s are divorced and on the market. According to my conjecture, middle-aged women are more likely to recuse themselves from the dating-market, than are middle-aged men. Thus women have the advantage of numbers, even if in overall population-terms in that age bracket they outnumber men. Is the OP open to dating men in their late-50s or early-60s?
True, the market is there, but expectations are above and beyond, online. Many have not even processed their past relationship, or are fully divorced. But to answer your question, late 50s or early 60s is not the bracket I am looking, more like mid 40s to mid 50s. Even when the 5 is in the front already, you run into a lot of unhealthy, unfit people that are active as hell on paper, but full of ailments IRL, and blame it on their age. And, to be honest, their sex drive may be in the gutters right along with it. If I wanted a platonic companion, I'd get a dog.
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Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
I'd argue that the real source of the OP's frustrations is cultural. Even if she does not advertise her salary and financial status online, there are subtle markers of class and taste that can be discerned. This has nothing to do with being pompous or self-congratulatory, or condescending towards those who are less advantaged. The OP is not to blame. The local culture is to blame. The OP's evident success as a professional places a cultural barrier between her and her peers, and is likely intimidating to men.
I don't advertise any of my status other than my degree, when asked. If and when things proceed further, they may get a glimpse at other stuff, such as my car, or home. The last guy used me to boost his ego by association with me, and in the end, tossed me aside because, per him, he felt eviscerated that he could not or did not want to pay for proper dates. While I have a nice home and car, my lifestyle is humble. No fancy clothes, although I do dress up nicely once in a while. No expensive jewelry, not too fond of makeup, although that goes on during special occasions as well. My profile photos are of the nicer look kind, though, so I'm not looking like a gray mouse on them.
This will probably raise storms of protest from some members, but my observation is that men are very quick to get back into a relationship after a break-up, whereas it takes women much longer. It's not so easy to find someone compatible. Men aren't always looking for compatibility and character; they have other priorities.
That can be a very short-lived solution. What happens once the "spark" dies, and the "chemistry" fizzles out? Next?!
That can be a very short-lived solution. What happens once the "spark" dies, and the "chemistry" fizzles out? Next?!
Yup. Those are the guys who come back posting that she cheated, or she's high-maintenance, blah blah, gripe, whine. But you can't expect them to go for women they're not physically attracted do, oh, no! The attraction has to be physical! Gotta have that physical component.
I'd argue that men post-divorce/breakup have more propensity to seek a new relationship, while women are more guarded and more interested in relishing their "freedom". So I definitely agree as regards male vs. female interest in what to pursue. I can't however agree in the results. That is, the men are looking for a relationship, but are they finding it? The women aren't finding a relationship, but that's because they're not looking.
I think women tend to want to take time to process what just happened in their lives. Sure, some jump right into another relationship as a way to numb the pain, or get a distraction. But end the end, you still have the work to do, or else you carry the same **** with you to the next relationship. And i think once you've been around the block a few times, you embrace this idea, do your housecleaning, and prep yourself for the next, and with a little bit of luck, the last chapter in your life.
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Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
But back to the OP's situation. I'd opine that her lack of success stems from her being "priced" out of the local market, again more in terms of culture than literally anything pecuniary. Her ex-husband is a better fit with local standards and expectations, and thus his success in finding a new relationship is greater. We are judged less by what we offer in absolute terms, than in how we appeal in relative terms. And this is the OP's disadvantage.
He wasn't my ex-hubby, but a guy I dated/was in a relationship with. But you make a good point, he may blend in better than I do.
Yeah well those guys would never work for me. If someone can't get the weight off for themselves, why on earth they would think anyone else would be able to do it, I don't know.
You'd be surprised how many women go down that route, though. But ultimately, more often than not, her issues with control exceed his weight loss. Sooner or later, he will learn that there was a price to pay for his slender, sexy, hot gal pal.
Yup. Those are the guys who come back posting that she cheated, or she's high-maintenance, blah blah, gripe, whine. But you can't expect them to go for women they're not physically attracted do, oh, no! The attraction has to be physical! Gotta have that physical component.
The post sounds sarcastic, but you can't really expect people to pair up with people they aren't attracted to can you? Without the physical attraction how can people be more than friends?
I'm 25, and it definitely matters for me. I'm relatively lenient, but there is a fine line between the perfect amount of fat and too much of it. Depends on the woman and how she carries it, and I've found that how much muscle they have underneath makes a big difference too.
The post sounds sarcastic, but you can't really expect people to pair up with people they aren't attracted to can you? Without the physical attraction how can people be more than friends?
For many women, and some men, the physical attraction comes after you get turned on by the personality.
But, whatever.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 02-07-2015 at 11:16 AM..
Oh! I thought this thread was about something else entirely.
Darn it.
LOL, so did I, and that makes me a dirty old woman for clicking on it!
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