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My boyfriend and I have been together since high school. He really is a great guy, very sweet and caring. Since college started though, it's been a rather difficult transition. Our freshman year was a lot of finding out where we both wanted to draw the line with things like alcohol and partying.
After experiencing alcohol, I made the decision I did not want to drink. Both my parents were alcoholics, and rather abusive ones at that, and after what alcohol did to my family, I really just have no desire to touch the stuff, which would be fine, except that following realizing all our friends from high school were toxic influences, we both attempted to branch out. I found yoga, philosophy, and french conversation club, and so far it's been great. My boyfriend, however, didn't have much luck finding a niche so he decided to join a fraternity. He had sort of sunk into a depression prior to that, so I was very supportive of anything that would really make him the happy-go-lucky guy he used to be.
The problem now has become that being a "pledge" has taken up so much of his time, that I hardly ever get to see him. Even when I do get to see him, he's essentially on-call and could have to leave at any moment to go do something for the frat. Which really makes me feel as if he's never truly "mine" anymore. I don't know if that's selfish or not, but anyway.
He really does want me to be involved with the fraternity, but the problem is all of their events are very centered around alcohol, and I don't drink. In fact, the "out of control" feeling of a loud party (truth be told as far as frat parties go, they aren't that bad) just makes me feel sort of uncomfortable, not to mention the stigma I feel surrounds my not drinking. And I really don't feel that even counts as time we get to spend together, to me it simply feels as if we're in the same room, and I especially don't like to see him get belligerently drunk, which has happened in the past, but he claims to have learned his lesson. However if I don't go to these events, I'll hardly ever see him. He's only a pledge for six more weeks, at which point things should become less demanding, I just worry about waiting that long, especially when I don't even know the sort of guy this whole process is going to have him turn out to be. At the same time, I would feel bad giving up on the longest and most serious relationship either of us has had.
My boyfriend and I have been together since high school. He really is a great guy, very sweet and caring. Since college started though, it's been a rather difficult transition. Our freshman year was a lot of finding out where we both wanted to draw the line with things like alcohol and partying.
After experiencing alcohol, I made the decision I did not want to drink. Both my parents were alcoholics, and rather abusive ones at that, and after what alcohol did to my family, I really just have no desire to touch the stuff, which would be fine, except that following realizing all our friends from high school were toxic influences, we both attempted to branch out. I found yoga, philosophy, and french conversation club, and so far it's been great. My boyfriend, however, didn't have much luck finding a niche so he decided to join a fraternity. He had sort of sunk into a depression prior to that, so I was very supportive of anything that would really make him the happy-go-lucky guy he used to be.
The problem now has become that being a "pledge" has taken up so much of his time, that I hardly ever get to see him. Even when I do get to see him, he's essentially on-call and could have to leave at any moment to go do something for the frat. Which really makes me feel as if he's never truly "mine" anymore. I don't know if that's selfish or not, but anyway.
He really does want me to be involved with the fraternity, but the problem is all of their events are very centered around alcohol, and I don't drink. In fact, the "out of control" feeling of a loud party (truth be told as far as frat parties go, they aren't that bad) just makes me feel sort of uncomfortable, not to mention the stigma I feel surrounds my not drinking. And I really don't feel that even counts as time we get to spend together, to me it simply feels as if we're in the same room, and I especially don't like to see him get belligerently drunk, which has happened in the past, but he claims to have learned his lesson. However if I don't go to these events, I'll hardly ever see him. He's only a pledge for six more weeks, at which point things should become less demanding, I just worry about waiting that long, especially when I don't even know the sort of guy this whole process is going to have him turn out to be. At the same time, I would feel bad giving up on the longest and most serious relationship either of us has had.
I'd never cheat on my boyfriend, but I did recently meet a guy who was older and intellectual, and against all the debauchery in frats who really made me wonder if someone like that might make me happier...
my only advice would be to really think hard about what you think you really want in a relationship. don't stay with him mostly just because you have been together for a long time. (i'm not saying that is what you are doing or contemplating. i'm just saying i've made that mistake too many times.) you are still young. but don't waste too much time trying to make a relationship work if you feel in your heart that it is not what you really want.
Priorities matter, and it can be really hard for a teetotaler and heavy and/or binge drinkers (and the vast majority of college drinking is binge drinking) to find common ground.
I'd never cheat on my boyfriend, but I did recently meet a guy who was older and intellectual, and against all the debauchery in frats who really made me wonder if someone like that might make me happier...
ARE you happy?
The length of being with someone means nothing if you spend the majority of your time in it constantly trying to make it work and ultimately end up unhappy as a result.
You can't think about it as arbitrary lengths of time or effort put in....it either works for you or it does not.
The length of being with someone means nothing if you spend the majority of your time in it constantly trying to make it work and ultimately end up unhappy as a result.
You can't think about it as arbitrary lengths of time or effort put in....it either works for you or it does not.
The way things are now, no I can honestly say I'm not.
The length of being with someone means nothing if you spend the majority of your time in it constantly trying to make it work and ultimately end up unhappy as a result.
You can't think about it as arbitrary lengths of time or effort put in....it either works for you or it does not.
The way things are now, no I can honestly say I'm not.
With your family history, is it really worth fighting the temptations being involved with fraternities. While you aren't interested in drinking, he joins a house, where drinking is part of the culture. It's not really having any consideration for your fears.
The way things are now, no I can honestly say I'm not.
Here is your answer! Move on!
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