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I think you have hit the nail on the head with all of your responses. Maybe the next time we are in that situation again I can just mention it. I mean, I know that there is something going on but if I am completely wrong about this I don't want to look like an idiot or make him feel uncomfortable. Is there a way that I can approach this without being so direct and making a big deal about it?
Well, it depends on where you want to take it. If you are not interested and want no part of it, don't get yourself in situations when you are alone and don't think about the fact that he is less flirty if you are. Just act as if it is a normal bright sunny day.
But I don't think that is the answer you are looking for.....
Look, from a man's point of view, there is a 95% chance he is interested. The only problem is that he makes it difficult to read when you are alone.
If you want something to happen, there is no other way but to lead. Like I said, he isn't exactly Dr. Kucho. He seems to freeze up and if you leave it to him you will never know. You will have to do the initial poking and tell him jokingly- "you need to stop playing punk and kiss me"
But the last thing you want to do is TRY TO CURB YOUR CURIOSITY. If you are simply wanting to know if he likes you or not, you are at risk of awaking a sleeping bear. So becareful what you wish for.
Again you have 3 choices:
1- ignore and find a man (i bet he will get pissed and you will notice)
2- let him initiate and you will never get anyhere
3- ask him why is he flirty but then gets quiet when you are alone. ask him he you scare him or is he worried that you will say anything. make him feel at ease so that he will open up to you.
Alex sounds like he is able to act on his feelings when he has the support from others and its not a "put up or shut up" situation.
When it's all in good fun And everyone is doing the same kind of behavioirs he feels more confident since there is no reproductions for his actions. It's understood EVERYONE is that ways during these moments.
You have to make him understand it's ok for him to show himself to you, that YOU are ok with it. Make it clear to him the only repercussion for his actions are your enjoyment
I am a huge proponent of not beating around the bush with people in opposite sex friendships. If you are cultivating your friendship under the guise of "just friends" and either one of you has outside feelings or intentions you shouldn't be continuing the realtionship as if it was "just" about frienship.
Your Goals and agendas for remaining in contact are not the same.
I understand however most others prefer to leave things at "best left untold" to avoid not having who they desire pushed away or leaving themselves left vulnerable to ridicule and embarrassment.
Decide what YOU want from him. Act accordingly once you understand your intentions
Last edited by rego00123; 02-09-2015 at 01:26 PM..
Well, it depends on where you want to take it. If you are not interested and want no part of it, don't get yourself in situations when you are alone and don't think about the fact that he is less flirty if you are. Just act as if it is a normal bright sunny day.
But I don't think that is the answer you are looking for.....
Look, from a man's point of view, there is a 95% chance he is interested. The only problem is that he makes it difficult to read when you are alone.
If you want something to happen, there is no other way but to lead. Like I said, he isn't exactly Dr. Kucho. He seems to freeze up and if you leave it to him you will never know. You will have to do the initial poking and tell him jokingly- "you need to stop playing punk and kiss me"
But the last thing you want to do is TRY TO CURB YOUR CURIOSITY. If you are simply wanting to know if he likes you or not, you are at risk of awaking a sleeping bear. So becareful what you wish for.
Again you have 3 choices:
1- ignore and find a man (i bet he will get pissed and you will notice)
2- let him initiate and you will never get anyhere
3- ask him why is he flirty but then gets quiet when you are alone. ask him he you scare him or is he worried that you will say anything. make him feel at ease so that he will open up to you.
Even if I did want to pursue him in that way, I would never be able to bluntly come out and tell any guy to just kiss me.
After raising these questions today, here is where I stand: My intentions aren't to date him or to pursue him romantically. I know that this may change in the future and I could be open to that at a later date. I do want to come to some point where we can be open with each other. I feel like if he has feelings for me he would be a gentleman about it and we can both come to and understanding and move on in whatever way we choose. How I approach it is still under question.
Also, I don't think he will come out and say anything at least the first time I bring it up. I think he would deny anything at first and then take some time to think about it.
Edit- The issue is that I want to figure out what is wrong that makes him act the way he does when we are alone. I don't know whether or not he has feelings for me. That was just an option that I came up with in trying to understand it.
Can there be option#4- come to an understanding and move forward, whatever way that goes?
Alex sounds like he is able to act on his feelings when he has the support from others and its not a "put up or shut up" situation.
When it's all in good fun And everyone is doing the same kind of behavioirs he feels more confident since there is no reproductions for his actions. It's understood EVERYONE is that ways during these moments.
You have to make him understand it's ok for him to show himself to you, that YOU are ok with it. Make it clear to him the only repercussion for his actions are your enjoyment
I am a huge proponent of not beating around the bush with people in opposite sex friendships. If you are cultivating your friendship under the guise of "just friends" and either one of you has outside feelings or intentions you shouldn't be continuing the realtionship as if it was "just" about frienship.
Your Goals and agendas for remaining in contact are not the same.
I understand however most others prefer to leave things at "best left untold" to avoid not having who they desire pushed away or leaving themselves left vulnerable to ridicule and embarrassment.
Decide what YOU want from him. Act accordingly once you understand your intentions
Thank you for your response! I think that I just want to come to an understanding with him. I am okay whether or not he does have feelings. I am just a little concerned with how to go about making him feel comfortable enough to open up like that if that is the case. Obviously I would want to talk to him in a private situation, but if he is like how he always is then the situation will be awkward until someone brings it up. If that makes sense?
Thank you for your response! I think that I just want to come to an understanding with him. I am okay whether or not he does have feelings. I am just a little concerned with how to go about making him feel comfortable enough to open up like that if that is the case. Obviously I would want to talk to him in a private situation, but if he is like how he always is then the situation will be awkward until someone brings it up. If that makes sense?
I really don't think you are being honest with yourself and us. You don't need to know any of the things you are asking. To prevent any of this you two should not be alone together. There is no way ever that you two should be alone unless you allow it.
And if you simply want him to stop acting like a chump, just say- hey, stop acting like a chump and stop being weird around you. If there are no "hidden" feelings, then he won't take it that way.
But again, we are just having a discussion and want you to be honest. I wasn't born in yesterday's rain and at this point you are confused about all this and it is ok. But at the same time trying to save face so you don't come across unladylike. Why do I say this? Because you wouldn't having thoughts of being rejected by him. You wouldn't be worried so much about whether he has feelings or not.
There is no need to make him feel comfortable because he is not your best friend. In fact, he is your ex-bf's brother. Or you can talk to you ex and tell him that his brother is quiet around you, maybe that will work- that is his job, not yours. But you don't want that do you? In reality, you have no obligation to go the extra length with him unless you want him to become more comfortable in order to open up and lead you...... do you see where I am going with this? Like I said, you are confused and you are trying to put on a face but I see it a little deeper.
I really don't think you are being honest with yourself and us. You don't need to know any of the things you are asking. To prevent any of this you two should not be alone together. There is no way ever that you two should be alone unless you allow it.
And if you simply want him to stop acting like a chump, just say- hey, stop acting like a chump and stop being weird around you. If there are no "hidden" feelings, then he won't take it that way.
But again, we are just having a discussion and want you to be honest. I wasn't born in yesterday's rain and at this point you are confused about all this and it is ok. But at the same time trying to save face so you don't come across unladylike. Why do I say this? Because you wouldn't having thoughts of being rejected by him. You wouldn't be worried so much about whether he has feelings or not.
There is no need to make him feel comfortable because he is not your best friend. In fact, he is your ex-bf's brother. Or you can talk to you ex and tell him that his brother is quiet around you, maybe that will work- that is his job, not yours. But you don't want that do you? In reality, you have no obligation to go the extra length with him unless you want him to become more comfortable in order to open up and lead you...... do you see where I am going with this? Like I said, you are confused and you are trying to put on a face but I see it a little deeper.
You have to be honest with yourself first...
haha I always smile at your posts. I am not saying that everything you have said is true, but I really haven't said much of what you said.. and it is 80% dead on!
You have mentioned the ex in most of your posts and I don't think he is the problem or an issue, on my end. Our relationship when we were together was good but friendly. We have no hard feelings towards each other and we both have dated other people, met the other people and it is all fine.. at least I think so.
Honestly yes, I think there are some feelings there. I haven't thought about pursuing him. As far as I can see down the road here is the best case scenario ... I say something along the lines of "hey, stop acting like a chump and stop being weird around you." He opens up and says that there is something there. I tell him that I share those feelings- we don't have to pursue them, but we can just be. We get along now and things aren't awkward and everyone is happy.
if you don't care either way I would honestly just leave it be.
It's harming no one, just your curiously
At most I would ask him in private if everything is ok between you becuase it feels like their are things he isn't comfortable with around you.
If he chooses to remain in his shell, he simply isn't comfortable enough to have that out as information.
Or obviously doesn't feel any way towards you.
Your call.
I think often of leaving it be, especially as time passes, until the next time comes along. And thanks for saying "At most I would ask him in private if everything is ok between you becuase it feels like their are things he isn't comfortable with around you." because this is something that I would actually feel comfortable saying or bringing up in that manner.
If he's your friend...ask him! If there's a bond of friendship, well...friends talk you know.
Thank you for your response! Simple solution
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