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My ex and I are almost 17. I was his first gf. We had known each other for about a year and dated for four months when he suddenly dumped me.
It came as a shock because he was always just as chivalrous, gentlemanly, sweet and attentive to me as he had always been once we started dating. Even up to MINUTES before the breakup, he was always asking me questions about my life throughout the day (either in-person or via text) and paid attention, even when I thought what I was talking about might be boring.
About a week before the breakup, I was recovering from surgery. Maybe he just texted me all that to be polite since I was recovering from surgery? But we had always texted each other all day since we became romantically involved, and we discussed SO MANY TOPICS beyond my recovery...and the only tiny red flags I noticed were that he was a little less physically affectionate (but that may have been because parents were around and he didn't like to PDA around them) and he wouldn't spend as much time with me as usual. I shook that off because he was helping his parents.
I had always noticed red flags regarding his parents. They controlled his life. He had always had to end our dates early because they set strict curfews, even asking me to leave his house early at night. His parents were cold to me once they found out we were a couple. They never let us be completely alone together. Sex was never involved since they clearly wanted him abstinent (I was probably more forthcoming physically than he was!). They wouldn't help him pay for anything. And he LOVED his parents and talked about them a lot (much more than the average teen guy!).
When he dumped me he said he wasn't ready for a relationship but we could still be friends. I said I couldn't trust him anymore and we haven't contacted each other since. He couldn't seem to face me at school and didn't come to my help (but I didn't ask him to). Then he treated me like a polite stranger. Now we just plain avoid each other. He hasn't had another gf.
Did he suddenly lose interest in me? Or is this more about his parents not wanting him to date? Did they make him call it off?
My ex and I are almost 17. I was his first gf. We had known each other for about a year and dated for four months when he suddenly dumped me.
It came as a shock because he was always just as chivalrous, gentlemanly, sweet and attentive to me as he had always been once we started dating. Even up to MINUTES before the breakup, he was always asking me questions about my life throughout the day (either in-person or via text) and paid attention, even when I thought what I was talking about might be boring.
About a week before the breakup, I was recovering from surgery. Maybe he just texted me all that to be polite since I was recovering from surgery? But we had always texted each other all day since we became romantically involved, and we discussed SO MANY TOPICS beyond my recovery...and the only tiny red flags I noticed were that he was a little less physically affectionate (but that may have been because parents were around and he didn't like to PDA around them) and he wouldn't spend as much time with me as usual. I shook that off because he was helping his parents.
I had always noticed red flags regarding his parents. They controlled his life. He had always had to end our dates early because they set strict curfews, even asking me to leave his house early at night. His parents were cold to me once they found out we were a couple. They never let us be completely alone together. Sex was never involved since they clearly wanted him abstinent (I was probably more forthcoming physically than he was!). They wouldn't help him pay for anything. And he LOVED his parents and talked about them a lot (much more than the average teen guy!).
When he dumped me he said he wasn't ready for a relationship but we could still be friends. I said I couldn't trust him anymore and we haven't contacted each other since. He couldn't seem to face me at school and didn't come to my help (but I didn't ask him to). Then he treated me like a polite stranger. Now we just plain avoid each other. He hasn't had another gf.
Did he suddenly lose interest in me? Or is this more about his parents not wanting him to date? Did they make him call it off?
This guy has issues and you deserved better than that guy.
Did he dump me for his parents, or suddenly lose interest?
This isn't meant to be flippant, it's meant to be a serious question for you to ponder (assuming for the moment this is a serious thread): What difference does it make?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sommie789
This guy has issues and you deserved better than that guy.
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
2,365 posts, read 2,148,500 times
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I had friends in school that made a baby and got married at 17. Both dropped out of school, and by the time the baby was just a year old, both had out-grown each other and moved on to new partners.
He's not ready. He wants to be friends. Why not just be friends? He sounds like a good honest guy.
He might be ready next year; and you might out-grow him and move on to someone new by next year.
Dont be mad. Be happy he was honest with you about how he feels.
Teens and twenties are funny years when it comes to relationships, as people mature at different rates and levels. You can be 15 and find your soulmate, live long and prosper together, and die together 60 to 70 years later.
Or...
You can be 25, think this great guy is your soulmate, and 2 years later, think this guy is really gross and you would rather die than be seen talking to him in public.
Bartels and James Winecoolers might be tasty to a 21 year old, while a more mature palette might have changed over to more regional and matured vintages.
Tastes change. The hot guy in 6th grade can suddenly stop growing - becoming the short guy by 12th grade. He might also loose his hair and become the bald guy by 12th grade.
Enjoy this honest guy for what he is to you now. If it is meant to be something more, then it will naturally grow into something more. You cant create a love match - its just something you will one day naturally fall into when the time and situation is right for it.
Have fun! Believe it or not, these are the best years of your life!
It's his parents. He's not ready to be his own person, and stick up for you to his parents.
It always surprises me how some parents treat 17 and 18-year olds like kids still, setting curfews, and all. Some kids are already in college by 17, making their own decisions. If you can't trust your child by 16 or 17, you've done something wrong.
It's his parents. He's not ready to be his own person, and stick up for you to his parents.
It always surprises me how some parents treat 17 and 18-year olds like kids still, setting curfews, and all. Some kids are already in college by 17, making their own decisions. If you can't trust your child by 16 or 17, you've done something wrong.
But, whatever.
Or maybe it's a recognition that even the most well-bred 16- and 17-year-olds still don't always have fully-developed impulse control.
I was one of 4 kids in my family. My parents trusted some of us more than others -- and for good reason, even though we were all raised under the same roof.
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