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Why? His self assessment may be spot on, and who is in a better position to make it?
My point was someone was claiming posters were "man shaming." I'm just pointing out it was the OP who did that himself.
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Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,069,460 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
. Such a person might say: "If I was unsuccessful while so many advantages were accorded to me, how could I possibly be successful now?"
Yep, exactly.
Quote:
Such a pursuit is likely impractical for the committed family-man, and thus it offers an alternative (an ersatz?) for family life.
Yeah. I do have some hobbies. Ultimately it will never fill the void in my life that would be filled by a relationship...but I guess we have to deal with reality, right?
The unfortunate fact is that my degree of happiness will always be limited. I might reach 90% happiness, but 100% will never be there because I will long for the support and intimacy that a relationship would offer. Right now I tend to be more like 50% or at most 75% happy, because of all the logistical and financial issues I have (low wage job, no car/don't know how to drive, renting a living room for $300/month). I think resolving those issues might bring it up to a maximum of 80%, pursuing hobbies with more rigor (once I resolve the other issues) might go up to 85 or 90%. I don't think that last 10% is attainable, though. Unfortunately.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,069,460 times
Reputation: 2158
Reading earlier posts in the thread, I notice a lot of people suggesting that someone "settles", but I think ohio peasent was correct in his reponse to that. It doesn't seem like a healthy relationship, to try to be with someone for whom you feel no sexual attraction, or not a normal level of sexual attraction. Granted, if you have been with someone for decades, their beauty might fade in the eyes of others, but when you first get together, there has to be sexual attraction. I mean, that's largely the point of it. By no means is it the entire point. You involve another human being in sex because, while you can get casual sex from yourself, there are other things that can't come from yourself such as support and intimacy.
But if the sexual attraction isn't there, I don't see the point. You can't force yourself to be sexually attracted to someone you're not. And even if you could, that's just a lifetime of misery. You don't have conscious choice over what your "standards" are in looks. You look at one person and you find them sexually attractive. You look at someone else, and you don't feel the sexual attraction. It isn't standards, it is what your body is telling you. It is genetic, hormonal, innate.
Sure, you could force yourself to develop a taste for animal excrement, but I don't think that is a life anyone wants.
Not at all the same, or even in the same universe.
OP said he was at the bottom of the totem pole, which is his own self assessment, which very well may be true.
The female posts I quoted mostly amounted to stating that the OP needs to "man up" or be a "real man." That is man shaming.
You are interjecting sentiments which were not there.
Not loving oneself is a big problem; it affects much more than romantic-type relationships. And having a successful relationship does not rectify the problem.
You are interjecting sentiments which were not there.
Not loving oneself is a big problem; it affects much more than romantic-type relationships. And having a successful relationship does not rectify the problem.
Umm, no I'm not. In fact, I quoted you and other posters' exact words. Yours was the traditional "just be confident."
I've given up I don't even attempt to hit on women anymore..
Me neither. Whenever I try to get close to women disaster happens.
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