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It seems like that is the case. I don't like to constantly text. I don't even like to talk on the phone. The times I do text, it is to firm plans or something like that. Like today, my girlfriend and I were texting about a trip we are taking soon and making sure we had everything we needed. And that type of communication is ok with me. But having an all day conversation through text? No thanks! And people don't see to know when to end the conversation. Don't continue to try to find things to talk about just to keep the conversation going.
I dated a girl years that would constantly text me, I'd put my phone down and it would buzz non stop all day, it ended up being the reason we split. I can't have that.
Honestly, I've wondered if my parent's divorce does have an affect on my dating life. For the longest time, I jumped from one long term relationship to the next and stayed in them with abusive men. I had the mentality that I'd rather be with someone who treated me bad, than be alone. I decided that I needed to be single.
And single I have been, for 2 years now. I'm the COMPLETE opposite. I've almost too independent. The guys that I've been really into, haven't felt the same way.The guys who are really into me are not on my radar. I've wondered if I give off the impression that I'm not interested. I guess I've just become so used to doing things on my own that I don't even think to stop to allow them to do something.
Maybe, a relationship is not what you're truly wanting at this point in your life.
OP, it's not you, it's them. stop blaming yourself or searching for some personal shortcoming.
some men just need to develop a life that is interesting, entertaining and fulfilling enough where being in relationship is not a priority. that's the answer to being needy, insecure, feeling lack or insufficient, and, in general, not worthy without a women in their life. some men discover that early in life, some later, and some not at all.
and, frankly, i'm surprised you are even asking about this issue since almost all younger women i've dated have the same experience occurring with some regularlity. it's just part of the dating norm these days that appears to have evolved with the more commone use smartphones and social media.
Maybe, a relationship is not what you're truly wanting at this point in your life.
I DO want a relationship, but I don't want it with someone who doesn't have a life of their own. I'm not the girl who wants her boyfriend to do EVERYTHING with her. I play on multiple sports teams, go to the gym 6 times a week and value time with my girlfriends. I want someone who enjoys doing things by themselves as well.
I DO want a relationship, but I don't want it with someone who doesn't have a life of their own. I'm not the girl who wants her boyfriend to do EVERYTHING with her. I play on multiple sports teams, go to the gym 6 times a week and value time with my girlfriends. I want someone who enjoys doing things by themselves as well.
If this is what you want, I wish you nothing but the best. I'm simply saying that many of these things such as going to the gym 6 times a week, being on multiple sports teams and other activities, and then going out with girlfriends is more conducive to a single person's life, especially when you two are getting serious.
I'm not saying that you both shouldn't go to the gym and have a life, what I am saying is that a serious relationship may be more difficult to maintain if you have too many other things going on for you alone. I mean when will you cultivate the relationship, weekends after sports practice?
Regardless, that's no excuse for people to get clingy too soon. If this is the case, simply put on ignore.
I DO want a relationship, but I don't want it with someone who doesn't have a life of their own. I'm not the girl who wants her boyfriend to do EVERYTHING with her. I play on multiple sports teams, go to the gym 6 times a week and value time with my girlfriends. I want someone who enjoys doing things by themselves as well.
Are the sports teams and gym something you would do together with someone you're in a relationship with?
Everyone needs time with their friends, but people who are seeking a relationship, also seek to spend a good amount of time with the person they are in a relationship with.
If you want to be in a relationship, sometimes you have to give up a lot of the "me" time. (not trying to be an ass with that comment)
Are the sports teams and gym something you would do together with someone you're in a relationship with?
Everyone needs time with their friends, but people who are seeking a relationship, also seek to spend a good amount of time with the person they are in a relationship with.
If you want to be in a relationship, sometimes you have to give up a lot of the "me" time. (not trying to be an ass with that comment)
Absolutely. I'd love to incorporate a boyfriend into my sports teams or go to the gym together. A lot of the teams I play on do include couples. What I'm saying is, I just don't want an extremely needy person. I realize that in order to grow a relationship, you do have to make sacrifices, which I'm more than happy to do. I just want to make sure that the person I commit to is right for me, and jumping into something after one date, constantly texting non-stop all day and being expected to spend all my free time with them off the bat really isn't something I want to do. I just want to find a happy medium.
But it just seems like every guy I meet is like this. I went out a few times with a guy over the summer and he would blow my phone up while I was at work. I'd go to a meeting and when I came back, I'd have multiple text messages like "Whats up?", "Hello", "Are you ok?" and "Are you ignoring me?!?".
Even the guy I wrote about in my original post gave me attitude because I'm unable to see him this week. It iced last night, which has limited any travel, I'm on deadline at work to complete a project and I'm out of town Thursday through Sunday. I'm just unable to make time this week. And when I told him that this week was not a typical one and that I promised we would get together next week, he ignored me.
Honestly, I've wondered if my parent's divorce does have an affect on my dating life. For the longest time, I jumped from one long term relationship to the next and stayed in them with abusive men. I had the mentality that I'd rather be with someone who treated me bad, than be alone. I decided that I needed to be single.
And single I have been, for 2 years now. I'm the COMPLETE opposite. I've almost too independent. The guys that I've been really into, haven't felt the same way. The guys who are really into me are not on my radar. I've wondered if I give off the impression that I'm not interested. I guess I've just become so used to doing things on my own that I don't even think to stop to allow them to do something.
absolutely your parents divorce has an effect on your relationships. usually children get over the first divorce, depending on how the parents treat the children. however with the second divorce, you begin to think that it might be you that is the cause, and that will truly affect your outlook on life and relationships.
in the end you have to be the person you want to be. you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with another person. work on yourself first, make yourself the person you always wanted to be. once you have achieved that, then the guys that are interested in you, and are themselves what they want to be, will be attracted to you, at a time when you are truly ready for a long term relationship.
My impression is that the OP's travails stem less from boyfriends' psychological immaturity, than from pernicious effects of texting. It's the technology, rather than the personalities. It seems to me that the OP is disaffected by the immediate problem of being inundated by cloying, "desperate" text messages. But the person sending the messages need not be a spineless, unimaginative dependent. He may merely be misusing a modern technological tool. And he is appearing like a jejune dependent because no exculpatory evidence has yet been presented. Before that stage, the relationship ends - sunk prematurely via the barrage of text-messages.
Recommendation? Tell boyfriends that the OP's cell phone does not have texting-functionality enabled. This isn't far-fetched. My own phone does not receive or transmit text-messages. It's been quite a hardship, actually. For example, one of the dating-sites that I frequent has a "blind date" feature that appeals to me. To participate, one needs to have text-messaging enabled.
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