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Snarky, sarcastic people tend to not be nice people. Just like on t_v, while it's funny at first, it becomes grating, annoying, and eventually hurtful. I don't get involved with snarky, sarcastic people as friends and certainly not as romantic partners.
Snarky, sarcastic people tend to not be nice people. Just like on t_v, while it's funny at first, it becomes grating, annoying, and eventually hurtful. I don't get involved with snarky, sarcastic people as friends and certainly not as romantic partners.
^This. Snarky, sarcastic people are not happy and they tend to be controlling as well. They're hurt inside and they want YOU to hurt just as much as they do. Oftentimes they see themselves as victims and they think their hurtful behavior is justified because of "everything they've been through". No. The rest of us are not here to play the role of punching bag for a miserable person.
OK, so I met my girlfriend through the circle of friends I found shortly after I moved to Los Angeles. When we first met she was snarky and sarcastic but funny and sweet. We're both slightly curmudgeonly so we stay in most nights that we're together and really enjoy each other's company, but when we go out with friends she's becoming increasingly butthole-ish. She'll make really rude remarks about me, even if I'm not in the room and act like it's just fun ribbing. Sometimes the remarks are very personal and make me quite angry. I've talked to her about it and at first she feigned ignorance, like she didn't realize she was even doing it, but eventually she relented and agreed to stop doing it. But she hasn't stopped. Some of our friends have even commented on it, pointing out that it makes people uncomfortable, but she just keeps doing it.
I would probably just break up with her, but my friends are her friends and I really don't want to have to make new friends. She works with several of them at her day job and collaborates with almost all of them(in one capacity or another) through her band and she's known them for a lot longer. My only other group of friends are nerds that I play Magic:the Gathering with and I don't have much fun with them when we're not playing/talking Magic.
What should I do?
Talk to her about it in private. If she doesn't understand her behavior is wrong, consider looking for someone more compatible.
You can't fix stupid. Stay with her, if you don't value your ethics. If that's her personality, dump her, and move on, before she drags you down to that level. You can fix personalities. You can only change behaviors, by threat of punishment or reward. If you threaten her to stop it, she may stop it, for fear of punishment, but she will still be that same person and want to do it.
OK, so I met my girlfriend through the circle of friends I found shortly after I moved to Los Angeles. When we first met she was snarky and sarcastic but funny and sweet. We're both slightly curmudgeonly so we stay in most nights that we're together and really enjoy each other's company, but when we go out with friends she's becoming increasingly butthole-ish. She'll make really rude remarks about me, even if I'm not in the room and act like it's just fun ribbing. Sometimes the remarks are very personal and make me quite angry. I've talked to her about it and at first she feigned ignorance, like she didn't realize she was even doing it, but eventually she relented and agreed to stop doing it. But she hasn't stopped. Some of our friends have even commented on it, pointing out that it makes people uncomfortable, but she just keeps doing it.
I would probably just break up with her, but my friends are her friends and I really don't want to have to make new friends. She works with several of them at her day job and collaborates with almost all of them(in one capacity or another) through her band and she's known them for a lot longer. My only other group of friends are nerds that I play Magic:the Gathering with and I don't have much fun with them when we're not playing/talking Magic.
What should I do?
If the friends are commenting on her remarks, they will not be surprised if you break up with her. Do you think it is possible you will still be welcome with these friends? I think it is.
Snarky, sarcastic people tend to not be nice people. Just like on t_v, while it's funny at first, it becomes grating, annoying, and eventually hurtful. I don't get involved with snarky, sarcastic people as friends and certainly not as romantic partners.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stava
^This. Snarky, sarcastic people are not happy and they tend to be controlling as well. They're hurt inside and they want YOU to hurt just as much as they do. Oftentimes they see themselves as victims and they think their hurtful behavior is justified because of "everything they've been through". No. The rest of us are not here to play the role of punching bag for a miserable person.
I'm actually a snarky and sarcastic person, but I'm not unhappy or a jerk. Since I was 13 or 14 people have taken to calling me "Chandler" after the character on 'Friends' and I've always been a polite person. Sometimes I would blow my top and lash out at people, but that was generally when I was depressed or having a bout of insomnia. I never just dig into people when others are around to hurt them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petunia 100
If the friends are commenting on her remarks, they will not be surprised if you break up with her. Do you think it is possible you will still be welcome with these friends? I think it is.
My reservations about breaking are more about making everyone else uncomfortable. She's going to be around, for sure. This situation seems to be the only thing they have a problem with in regards to her. If I stick around the two of us are going to be around each other a lot. Some people turn into different people entirely after they've been dumped so I don't really know how things could go over.
I'm going to talk to her about this again tomorrow night and if she seems agreeable I'll give her one more chance. If that doesn't pan out I'll end things.
So, do you do the same thing to her? If you are snarky and sarcastic I bet you let one slip every now and then.
No. When I make snarky comments it's generally at no one's expense or just plays on words like intentional misinterpretations of what someone said. I really only take jabs at male friends that I'm close with because that's how I came up. The men in my family would always take shots at each other and it continued for me in the military. I know not all guys are like that but it's pretty common in my experience.
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