Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-16-2015, 09:46 PM
 
Location: West Hollywood
3,190 posts, read 3,168,403 times
Reputation: 5262

Advertisements

OK, so I met my girlfriend through the circle of friends I found shortly after I moved to Los Angeles. When we first met she was snarky and sarcastic but funny and sweet. We're both slightly curmudgeonly so we stay in most nights that we're together and really enjoy each other's company, but when we go out with friends she's becoming increasingly butthole-ish. She'll make really rude remarks about me, even if I'm not in the room and act like it's just fun ribbing. Sometimes the remarks are very personal and make me quite angry. I've talked to her about it and at first she feigned ignorance, like she didn't realize she was even doing it, but eventually she relented and agreed to stop doing it. But she hasn't stopped. Some of our friends have even commented on it, pointing out that it makes people uncomfortable, but she just keeps doing it.
I would probably just break up with her, but my friends are her friends and I really don't want to have to make new friends. She works with several of them at her day job and collaborates with almost all of them(in one capacity or another) through her band and she's known them for a lot longer. My only other group of friends are nerds that I play Magic:the Gathering with and I don't have much fun with them when we're not playing/talking Magic.

What should I do?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-16-2015, 09:48 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,619,721 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by MordinSolus View Post
OK, so I met my girlfriend through the circle of friends I found shortly after I moved to Los Angeles. When we first met she was snarky and sarcastic but funny and sweet. We're both slightly curmudgeonly so we stay in most nights that we're together and really enjoy each other's company, but when we go out with friends she's becoming increasingly butthole-ish. She'll make really rude remarks about me, even if I'm not in the room and act like it's just fun ribbing. Sometimes the remarks are very personal and make me quite angry. I've talked to her about it and at first she feigned ignorance, like she didn't realize she was even doing it, but eventually she relented and agreed to stop doing it. But she hasn't stopped. Some of our friends have even commented on it, pointing out that it makes people uncomfortable, but she just keeps doing it.
I would probably just break up with her, but my friends are her friends and I really don't want to have to make new friends. She works with several of them at her day job and collaborates with almost all of them(in one capacity or another) through her band and she's known them for a lot longer. My only other group of friends are nerds that I play Magic:the Gathering with and I don't have much fun with them when we're not playing/talking Magic.

What should I do?
It's funny how that which initially attracts us often ends up repelling us.

I say be true to yourself. Put your foot down.

You may also find out who your real friends are in this situation.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-16-2015, 09:51 PM
 
Location: NYC
16,061 posts, read 26,654,105 times
Reputation: 24848
Break up with her. If someone this early on is upsetting you imagine 10 years down the road. She doesn't sound kind.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-16-2015, 09:58 PM
 
Location: Tricity, PL
61,220 posts, read 86,083,221 times
Reputation: 130935
She is an ignorant, disrespectful fool. Don't let anyone do that to you, ever!
Ditch her!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-16-2015, 10:01 PM
 
3,350 posts, read 2,835,623 times
Reputation: 2258
Quote:
Originally Posted by MordinSolus View Post
OK, so I met my girlfriend through the circle of friends I found shortly after I moved to Los Angeles. When we first met she was snarky and sarcastic but funny and sweet. We're both slightly curmudgeonly so we stay in most nights that we're together and really enjoy each other's company, but when we go out with friends she's becoming increasingly butthole-ish. She'll make really rude remarks about me, even if I'm not in the room and act like it's just fun ribbing. Sometimes the remarks are very personal and make me quite angry. I've talked to her about it and at first she feigned ignorance, like she didn't realize she was even doing it, but eventually she relented and agreed to stop doing it. But she hasn't stopped. Some of our friends have even commented on it, pointing out that it makes people uncomfortable, but she just keeps doing it.
I would probably just break up with her, but my friends are her friends and I really don't want to have to make new friends. She works with several of them at her day job and collaborates with almost all of them(in one capacity or another) through her band and she's known them for a lot longer. My only other group of friends are nerds that I play Magic:the Gathering with and I don't have much fun with them when we're not playing/talking Magic.

What should I do?
This why you should date not within the group because people are going take sides and it create drama.
you should break up
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-16-2015, 10:09 PM
 
513 posts, read 427,194 times
Reputation: 411
Talk to her about her actions again, but this time be firm with her. Let her know that her rudeness is not setting right with you or other people. Breaking up is a little extreme; especially, since there are repercussions for you that will be difficult to deal with. Try fixing this situation first before ending the relationship, if you must.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-16-2015, 10:16 PM
 
Location: Massachusetts
6,301 posts, read 9,593,887 times
Reputation: 4797
Don't see why you'd have to give up your friends. Just break it to her gently that you feel you're better off as friends. If she presses you, you might let her know that her ribbing is something you enjoy with your buddies but it doesn't spark you in a romantic relationship. That will take the sting out of any backstabbing and spite she may have had in mind for you, so she can blame herself for reassignment to the friend zone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-16-2015, 10:19 PM
 
513 posts, read 427,194 times
Reputation: 411
BTW, I'm surprise that your friends even put up with her!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-16-2015, 10:25 PM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,281,045 times
Reputation: 43042
Do NOT stay with someone just because you worry about losing friends. She is treating you poorly. If a guy told me I was hurting his feelings with my sarcasm, I would be devastated that I had caused pain to someone I cared about. She apparently doesn't care that she's hurting you. That's not something you want in a partner. And if your friends can't be bothered to maintain a friendship with you if you're not with her, well, they're not people you can rely on. Doesn't mean they're BAD people, just means you need to build stronger relationships with other people who connect more with you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-16-2015, 10:29 PM
 
1,823 posts, read 2,833,298 times
Reputation: 2830
Your girlfriend is deeply insecure/unhappy and she's taking it out on you because she knows you care about her and are invested in the relationship. That's ugly behavior on her part and she is not someone who should be trusted, especially since you've already told her to stop and she hasn't.

Leave her and let her reap the consequences of her actions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top