a good relationship or a good career (cheating, husband, older)
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Being in a relationship is not the be-all, end-all and I find it pretty insulting to all single people to imply otherwise. I don't always vent or find emotional support from my partner, because I have very good friends I can also go to. Some people (including myself, at times) prefer to dine alone or travel alone or come home to an empty house, and it's ridiculous to say that anyone who isn't in a relationship spends holidays alone.
There have been a few recent articles (within the last month to a couple of years ago) where a lot of single 30s, professional females in big cities have written about being single. One discussed how she just couldn't find the right guy, so she settled for in vitro and had a kid on her own. She said she had a friend who did the same thing. She wrote how while all these other women with husbands would complain about them with other women, she knew that many still wanted their husbands. Another lady recently wrote that she was freezing her eggs. The older male doctor said that 80% of his business was mostly 30 something single women whose biological clocks were ticking and they wanted to preserve whatever they could in hopes of finding a husband in the not to distant future. Of course this doctor told the woman/writer it wasn't her fault, that young men today refuse to grow up. I and many others had a good laugh at that all over the comments section and various internet forums.
I think driven people, both men and women, especially those in the larger metro urban areas, make a career their top choice. This usually means advanced degrees, so you might do undergrad in one place in the country, then you move to either the city you want to be in or another one for grad school, and for some another move to where they want to be in their mid-20s. This lifestyle really isn't great for serious LTRs that could lead to something, and by the time one is established, they could be mid to late 20s and for some they might have only had a handful of true LTRs. Will be interesting to see how this plays out in the future, as it seems LTRs just aren't popular in college and even some high schools.
You guys who choose career - you never really loved before.
Does your face light up every morning when you walk into your office? I am excited every single day when I see my partner and can hardly hold back a huge smile.
Does your job spoil you on the days you don't feel well?
Does your job give you a warm feeling when you think of it?
Does your job massage your feet after a long day and cook for you?
Does your job listen to you when you need to vent?
What's all that money worth if you have to spend it alone? Isn't it nicer sitting on the beach with somebody you love as alone? Isn't it nicer to go out to a restaurant with your partner as alone or with friends? Isn't it nice to come home and the light is on?
And doesn't it suck when you want to go on vacation and nobody goes with you? Doesn't it suck on holidays when you work or are at home alone while everybody spends them with their family?
Choose career? You must not ever have a fullfilling relationship before. Money or friends can't substitute.
I think you over-dramatize relationships.
I'm going to answer every one of these from my POV, going down the list.
You guys who choose career-you never really loved before: False. I discussed marriage with my last SO, who I was with for about 2 years or so before the discussion, before she started cheating on me. You are wrong.
Does my face light up when I walk into the office? I don't have an office, and my face doesn't light up, but I didn't always do that with my GFs/SO either, because it wasn't always sunshine and rainbows.
Does my job spoil me when I'm not feeling well? I've only been actual sick at my job once in the past 2 years, and called in a couple days in a row. They never thought anything of it and I was told by both my supervisor and the manager of the building to get well and take as long as I needed. I've also went home a few times early because I had other things to do, and it will not count against my attendance. Yes, I feel spoiled.
Does my job give me a warm feeling when I think of it? It depends, sometimes I'm in cold rooms, and sometimes I'm in the hottest room in the building. So I'm 50/50 on that one.
Does my job give me a massage or cook for me? My job provides me free lunch, and on days that I work a long shift, I eat dinner there too. I've never had a GF give me a foot massage, and not a single one of them knew how to cook EZ mac in a microwave.
Does my job listens to me when I vent? Hell yes it does. Sometimes I'm just venting to vent and nothing happens. Sometimes I vent and they recognize a problem and they try to find a solution to it.
What's all that money worth if you have to spend it alone? It's comfort. If I make a bunch of money and live comfortably. I get to spend money any way I want, and I don't have to worry about arguing over money with a partner. I either have it to spend or I don't, and if I don't, so long as it's not a necessity, I shrug and move on and wait until I either can afford it, or drop the want, since it's a want, and not a need.
Isn't it nicer sitting on the beach with somebody you love as alone? I am not a beach person, and have no plans to be on a beach, so...This doesn't bother me.
Isn't it nicer to go out to a restaurant with your partner as alone or with friends? No, at last with the majority of my friends we knew what we wanted to eat and had choices to eat at. My GFs? Nope, most of the time when they were hungry, but didn't know what they wanted, so the discussion we had about almost every restaurant became one frustrating argument that ended in me going to BK and ordering burgers.
Isn't it nice to come home and the light is on? I can just flip my light on when I leave so when I come home, the light is on! Boom, crisis averted!
And doesn't it suck when you want to go on vacation and nobody goes with you? No? Again, I get to go where I want to vacation at, not have to discuss it, and have the freedom to do what I want while vacationing. If I want to vacation with someone, I can just invite a friend or 3 and plan accordingly.
Doesn't it suck on holidays when you work or are at home alone while everybody spends them with their family? I'm not working on many holidays, but not as many as government employees. I visit family and hang out with friends.
I'd choose career if I was forced to make a choice. A fulfilling relationship adds another awesome layer to an already awesome cake that you are baking(your life, hopefully), but it is not in any way a necessity in life. You HAVE to work, well most of us have to, unless you're like the 1%, but if you were in that 1%, you don't actually have to worry about most things in life.
maybe you are just all cold and unromantic. I can be in a relationship for many years and still get excited to see him EVERY SINGLE day. When I come home and the light is on and he opens the garage for me, that's just awesome.
If I see the sun going down over the ocean, I would like to sit down and share that moment with somebody. Don't tell me to post that picture on facebook, living through social media doesn't count.
maybe you are just all cold and unromantic. I can be in a relationship for many years and still get excited to see him EVERY SINGLE day. When I come home and the light is on and he opens the garage for me, that's just awesome.
If I see the sun going down over the ocean, I would like to sit down and share that moment with somebody. Don't tell me to post that picture on facebook, living through social media doesn't count.
Or maybe they just have different feelings about relationships and careers.
I would choose a good relationship - but I know that not everyone feels the same way that I do.
I'm going to answer every one of these from my POV, going down the list.
You guys who choose career-you never really loved before: False. I discussed marriage with my last SO, who I was with for about 2 years or so before the discussion, before she started cheating on me. You are wrong.
Does my face light up when I walk into the office? I don't have an office, and my face doesn't light up, but I didn't always do that with my GFs/SO either, because it wasn't always sunshine and rainbows.
Does my job spoil me when I'm not feeling well? I've only been actual sick at my job once in the past 2 years, and called in a couple days in a row. They never thought anything of it and I was told by both my supervisor and the manager of the building to get well and take as long as I needed. I've also went home a few times early because I had other things to do, and it will not count against my attendance. Yes, I feel spoiled.
Does my job give me a warm feeling when I think of it? It depends, sometimes I'm in cold rooms, and sometimes I'm in the hottest room in the building. So I'm 50/50 on that one.
Does my job give me a massage or cook for me? My job provides me free lunch, and on days that I work a long shift, I eat dinner there too. I've never had a GF give me a foot massage, and not a single one of them knew how to cook EZ mac in a microwave.
Does my job listens to me when I vent? Hell yes it does. Sometimes I'm just venting to vent and nothing happens. Sometimes I vent and they recognize a problem and they try to find a solution to it.
What's all that money worth if you have to spend it alone? It's comfort. If I make a bunch of money and live comfortably. I get to spend money any way I want, and I don't have to worry about arguing over money with a partner. . I either have it to spend or I don't, and if I don't, so long as it's not a necessity, I shrug and move on and wait until I either can afford it, or drop the want, since it's a want, and not a need.
Isn't it nicer sitting on the beach with somebody you love as alone? I am not a beach person, and have no plans to be on a beach, so...This doesn't bother me.
Isn't it nicer to go out to a restaurant with your partner as alone or with friends? No, at last with the majority of my friends we knew what we wanted to eat and had choices to eat at. My GFs? Nope, most of the time when they were hungry, but didn't know what they wanted, so the discussion we had about almost every restaurant became one frustrating argument that ended in me going to BK and ordering burgers.
Isn't it nice to come home and the light is on? I can just flip my light on when I leave so when I come home, the light is on! Boom, crisis averted!
And doesn't it suck when you want to go on vacation and nobody goes with you? No? Again, I get to go where I want to vacation at, not have to discuss it, and have the freedom to do what I want while vacationing. If I want to vacation with someone, I can just invite a friend or 3 and plan accordingly.
Doesn't it suck on holidays when you work or are at home alone while everybody spends them with their family? I'm not working on many holidays, but not as many as government employees. I visit family and hang out with friends.
I'd choose career if I was forced to make a choice. A fulfilling relationship adds another awesome layer to an already awesome cake that you are baking(your life, hopefully), but it is not in any way a necessity in life. You HAVE to work, well most of us have to, unless you're like the 1%, but if you were in that 1%, you don't actually have to worry about most things in life.
You proof my point that you never had a fullfilling relationship and therefore choose the career.
You guys who choose career - you never really loved before.
Does your face light up every morning when you walk into your office? I am excited every single day when I see my partner and can hardly hold back a huge smile.
Does your job spoil you on the days you don't feel well?
Does your job give you a warm feeling when you think of it?
Does your job massage your feet after a long day and cook for you?
Does your job listen to you when you need to vent?
What's all that money worth if you have to spend it alone? Isn't it nicer sitting on the beach with somebody you love as alone? Isn't it nicer to go out to a restaurant with your partner as alone or with friends? Isn't it nice to come home and the light is on?
And doesn't it suck when you want to go on vacation and nobody goes with you? Doesn't it suck on holidays when you work or are at home alone while everybody spends them with their family?
Choose career? You must not ever have a fullfilling relationship before. Money or friends can't substitute.
You ever try to pay your bills with love or a hug? All that you just said requires money to do.
My job/career is largely under my own control; it's what I make of it. Invest substantially in your education and your livelihood, and while a plethora of successes is not guaranteed, good prospects are reasonable to expect.
Relationships, on the other hand, by definition require the collaboration of two people. BOTH need to invest. The steadfast contribution of one, can not compensate for the potential lassitude and dissipation of another. Neither is there strong correlation between good preparation and good outcome. The same career could be pursued for 50 years, but people change, and a woman or a man who loves her/his partner might feel differently in the ensuing decades.
Indeed my face lights up upon arriving in my office every morning. Work is social, work is liberating. Work releases me from the drudgery of solitary domestic existence. My coworkers in many cases have genuine concern for my health and well-being, as I do for them. We trade workloads when others are incapacitated or encumbered. Work indeed confers upon me a feeling of warmth and belonging. My coworkers largely listen to what I say, and I aim to reciprocate. And when I vent – believe me, the efflux of steam is most colorful! – there's typically a sympathetic ear.
Sitting on the beach? My workplace offers many business-trips, some of which allow for beachfront detours. I've been on business-trips with beach sojourns up and down the two American coasts; in England, Turkey, Australia, Singapore, Indonesia, Hawaii, and various others.
And on holidays and weekends I aim to come into the office. It's a well-appointed, climate-controlled place, with a cushy armchair and good coffee… more than could be said for my house in the forest.
I recall with dejected bitterness what happened on the afternoon of September 11th, 2001 – but not entirely for the usual reasons. Our organization went into lockdown, with everyone sent home, "to their families". I had no family to whom to go home. The closest thing to family was my colleagues at work. For several days our organization was closed. Those were barren forest days for me, devoid of company or any human voice, save for the radio.
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