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Old 02-20-2015, 10:20 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,073,504 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant View Post
The point isn't that a person with comparable access to relationships and to career-success prioritizes the latter ahead of the former, and then finds unsurprisingly that his/her relationships have soured and failed.

Rather, the point is that work and career can be pursued according to a fairly straightforward and linear plan. Relationships can not. Work and career depend overwhelmingly on the individual in question. Relationships depend upon rapport between two individuals. Rarely do we stumble serendipitously into a rewarding career; instead we have to groom ourselves and climb incrementally. But incremental climb is useless in pursuit of relationships; on the contrary, one goes through an extensive bout of frustration and nothingness, only to suddenly find a relationship-opportunity.

Few people would trade a beloved spouse for a stellar career. But this isn't the question! The question is, if we start from nothing, and build upwards, which should we pursue, and how accordingly should we structure our lives: towards furthering our careers, or trying to start a relationship?
Actually, the question was simply which would you choose - a good relationship or a good career. You've made it into something entirely more complicated. You can obviously choose to interpret it any way you would like - but the question was not that complex.
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Old 02-20-2015, 10:22 PM
 
511 posts, read 505,010 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant View Post
The point isn't that a person with comparable access to relationships and to career-success prioritizes the latter ahead of the former, and then finds unsurprisingly that his/her relationships have soured and failed.

Rather, the point is that work and career can be pursued according to a fairly straightforward and linear plan. Relationships can not. Work and career depend overwhelmingly on the individual in question. Relationships depend upon rapport between two individuals. Rarely do we stumble serendipitously into a rewarding career; instead we have to groom ourselves and climb incrementally. But incremental climb is useless in pursuit of relationships; on the contrary, one goes through an extensive bout of frustration and nothingness, only to suddenly find a relationship-opportunity.

Few people would trade a beloved spouse for a stellar career. But this isn't the question! The question is, if we start from nothing, and build upwards, which should we pursue, and how accordingly should we structure our lives: towards furthering our careers, or trying to start a relationship?
that was a specific response to a specific post
Your post contained some good points btw
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Old 02-20-2015, 10:27 PM
 
511 posts, read 505,010 times
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[quote=Dewdroplet76;38531368]This is something that confuses me. I understand that some people value their career over love - but I don't understand the reason being that sometimes relationships suck or relationships never work out. The question isn't which would you choose - a relationship or a good career - it's a GOOD career or a GOOD relationship. [quote]
Yes

Quote:
One could just as easily say that you could always get fired - but that wouldn't be a good career. So why do people talk about cheating, breaking up, etc. - when talking about a good relationship?
I wish I could answer but i've read this a few times and not sure of what you mean.

People make mistakes so each of our definitions of a good relationship could be different. But if financial turmoil causes the death of a marriage, well then that oath and the contract between the parties has been broken. IF it is a good relationship, generally imho, finances do not cause divorce in and of itself. The relationship probably wasn't a good one if that happened.

Of course there can be extenuating circumstances. Sometimes a lack of funds mean someone who is in dire need of medical care doesn't receive it. And they can somehow receive it by becoming divorced. I am not addressing those unusual situations
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Old 02-20-2015, 10:28 PM
 
15,714 posts, read 21,013,556 times
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My career is kind of a dead-end. I love what I do, but I'm not going to make millions doing it...heck I'll never even break 6 figures.

On the other hand, a good relationship isn't the be-all, end-all for me either.

I guess I'd go with chocolate as my answer. It has endless possibilities, doesn't fight or get cranky and if I'm not in the mood for it I just don't eat it
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Old 02-20-2015, 10:31 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,073,504 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsApt View Post


I wish I could answer but i've read this a few times and not sure of what you mean.

People make mistakes so each of our definitions of a good relationship could be different. But if financial turmoil causes the death of a marriage, well then that oath and the contract between the parties has been broken. IF it is a good relationship, generally imho, finances do not cause divorce in and of itself. The relationship probably wasn't a good one if that happened.

Of course there can be extenuating circumstances. Sometimes a lack of funds mean someone who is in dire need of medical care doesn't receive it. And they can somehow receive it by becoming divorced. I am not addressing those unusual situations
My point was that the question was very simple - which would you choose - a good career or a good relationship. Some of the people choosing career are doing so because they are saying that relationships don't always turn out well. My point is that the question was about a GOOD relationship. And a GOOD relationship doesn't involve cheating, lying, divorce over money, etc. The question isn't supposed to be between a great career and a lousy relationship. The question is supposed to be between a good career and a good relationship. That's my point.
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Old 02-20-2015, 10:41 PM
 
Location: moved
13,574 posts, read 9,590,473 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
My point was that the question was very simple - which would you choose - a good career or a good relationship. Some of the people choosing career are doing so because they are saying that relationships don't always turn out well. My point is that the question was about a GOOD relationship. And a GOOD relationship doesn't involve cheating, lying, divorce over money, etc. The question isn't supposed to be between a great career and a lousy relationship. The question is supposed to be between a good career and a good relationship. That's my point.
The simplicity of the original question is deceptive. I defer to the OP to elaborate what he/she intended, but I aver that we must distinguish between having a good relationship/career dropped into our laps, and the path towards achieving the one or the other from scratch.

If the question is one of "path", then I wholeheartedly choose "career". If instead it's one of instantaneous creation by fiat, then I'd hesitate. A good relationship is more precious than a good career, precisely because it's rarer. Is it more rewarding? More supportive? Does it lead to more life-satisfaction? Good questions!
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Old 02-20-2015, 10:46 PM
 
511 posts, read 505,010 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Sixy* View Post
My career is kind of a dead-end. I love what I do, but I'm not going to make millions doing it...heck I'll never even break 6 figures.

On the other hand, a good relationship isn't the be-all, end-all for me either.

I guess I'd go with chocolate as my answer. It has endless possibilities, doesn't fight or get cranky and if I'm not in the mood for it I just don't eat it
Good answer lol!
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Old 02-20-2015, 10:50 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,073,504 times
Reputation: 22274
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant View Post
The simplicity of the original question is deceptive. I defer to the OP to elaborate what he/she intended, but I aver that we must distinguish between having a good relationship/career dropped into our laps, and the path towards achieving the one or the other from scratch.
Then, I suppose people's answers would vary a lot due to which career they were choosing. My career didn't take me to unpopulated or remote places. Well, it did, but for brief periods of time. I was able to pursue my career and my relationships at the same time.

Quote:
If the question is one of "path", then I wholeheartedly choose "career". If instead it's one of instantaneous creation by fiat, then I'd hesitate. A good relationship is more precious than a good career, precisely because it's rarer. Is it more rewarding? More supportive? Does it lead to more life-satisfaction? Good questions!
I guess since I have the good relationship, I would never consider giving that up for a good career. I hope to have both - and for brief periods of time, I did!
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Old 02-20-2015, 10:57 PM
 
511 posts, read 505,010 times
Reputation: 526
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
My point was that the question was very simple - which would you choose - a good career or a good relationship. Some of the people choosing career are doing so because they are saying that relationships don't always turn out well. My point is that the question was about a GOOD relationship. And a GOOD relationship doesn't involve cheating, lying, divorce over money, etc. The question isn't supposed to be between a great career and a lousy relationship. The question is supposed to be between a good career and a good relationship. That's my point.
Alright, can't argue with that
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Old 02-20-2015, 11:42 PM
 
2,757 posts, read 2,210,465 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsApt View Post
If the relationship cannot survive financial turmoil, wouldn't you think that wasn't a good relationship?
at least that is not my definition of one


A Career is one avenue to ensure your future basic needs are met, yes
It's really hard to imagine a relationship succeed without proper finances. I'm not talking about being wealthy, but having enough for survival with extra money for some luxuries like dining out and traveling.

I take the question as both parties not having a good career, making barely enough to survive without a good retirement package for both parties.

People with no careers who are together that are happy usually are frugal with minimal expectations in life.
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