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You hit the nail on the head! His friend was actually at the bar the night he left me to go drink and punched the wall. He saw me walk into the bar for a brief minute, tell my husband "wtf is wrong with you?" and then I left. The friend knew my hubby wasn't treating me right and took his opportunity. Wrong choice until I was divorced, but guess he didn't wanna wait around anymore.
His friend that gave me the flowers just messaged me on FB. The friend doesn't speak English well but said that my husband was "crazy in the head" and that my husband thinks i'm cheating on him with the friend. I've never ever kissed or hugged that guy. Oh goodness!
If you are satisfied with things exactly the way they are right now, then by all means "save your marriage."
Reading this thread, I should be appreciated of my drama-free marriage.
I be damn if my husband in his clear minded stated went tongue kissing all hot and heavy with another woman.
btw, that is cheating. It would be a deal breaker for me, that means divorce right ahead.
And OP, if you lock your husband out the whole night (accidently or not)
Your husband own every rights to be pissed of. IT IS HIS HOUSE that you locking him out of.
Good luck OP
I have posted quite frequently on here about my troubles in my 1.5 year marriage with my husband. He is 10 years older (23 & 33) and we are from different backgrounds (I'm Amerian and he is from Mexico). I was the one who posted previously about how he bought me nothing for Christmas but got two friends used IPhones.
3 weeks ago my husband got angry when I accidently locked him out on the patio (long story but the door doesn't have an actual lock it's a lever and I moved it too low). He didn't like that I wanted to argue about it, so he punched a hole in our wall. After that, I was destroyed inside. It was like all the feelings went out of my body. I do not tolerate any signs of future domestic violence. I went to an individual counseling session because I felt lost and she suggested i invite my husband. That night when I asked him he became very upset and said "will you run to the counselor every time we have a problem? Because if so this won't work. Do you just want me to tell you i'm wrong and you're right?" He relucantly agreed to go to the counselor that week. At the counseling office, I felt he was quite rude. He kept asking her how old she was, if she was married, etc to undermine her credibility. I complained of how he never helps around the house, punched the wall, and is always too tired from work to do things. His response was "Well what do you want me to do? Quit my job so we can be on foodstamps?" We are nowhere near close to that both working full time making nearly $40,000 a year each. I felt defeated and like I couldn't fix things.
This past weekend was Valentine's Day. My husband worked as always, but did bring me roses home. While I was at the nail salon, one of our mutual friends texted me to see what was up. He stopped by there when I was done, professed his love for me, and then gave me a dozne roses! This was my husband's best friend of 7 years. I was shocked and went home to throw them out. But to my suprise, my husband got home early and saw them. I made up a quick lie that they were for my cousin's bday. We went out dancing that night with my cousin and had a great time. The next morning as soon as I got up he started his jealousy again "Why did you and your cousin go sit on the couch alone last night? Who was texting you and what was so funny?" We were posting a facebook status! Then he said "I can't wait to get my Visa" over and over again which to me implied he wants to leave me. He is currently in process of getting a permanent residence card.
This Monday I was working and he was off. He texted me asking me for my computer password...he never ever does so unless to snoop on me. I legitimately don't remember and told him so. He said that I "must have something to hide" and "so you don't know your password! Can't wait to get my visa." When I got home I confronted him about everything. He asked me about the roses from Saturday and I admitted his best friend gave them to me. To my suprise he was livid at ME for not telling him instead of the friend. I told him I didn't want his feelings hurt or for him to go kill the guy and end up in jail/deported. He got mad I thought he was angry enough to punch someone...well he did just punch the hole in the wall. And he claims he said he "can't wait to get his visa" so he can "go on vacation and relax." I hid my gun in my trunk that night and he texted me "should i call the police or you took the gun and think i'm a psycho so i can pack my things and move." I was upset and felt like things were over. The next day I went on a lunch date with a guy I had known for over 4 years, and I did kiss him but nothing more.
Tuesday we had the same fight again. I again told him I need more help around the house and for him to acknowledge that he was wrong to punch the wall. Again we fought and he started crying! Yesterday he finally fixed the hole in the wall after 3 weeks and vacuumed the floor for the first time in our entire marriage. I was happy that maybe he is finally listening. But do I give him another chance when he has shown repeated jealousy? To go over other issues...he didn't tell me he had a child till 1 year of dating, broke my phone when an ex texted me, and wouldn't let me get married at the church my grandparents founded cuz his "friends wouldn't drive that far." Do you think this marriage is worth saving? Should i give him another chance or admit I kissed another man? I love my husband but ever since he punched the hole in the wall I haven't been able to get my feelings back for him...we haven't had sex in over a week and that time I felt somewhat lifeless. Is there any way to fix this?
If you divorce him that may not happen and I wonder if this is the reason he married you in the first place.
Your choice to continue to live like this or not, no one here knows you, your husband or specific details no matter what you write.
There are 3 sides to the truth, yours, his and the actual truth.
If you divorce him that may not happen and I wonder if this is the reason he married you in the first place.
Your choice to continue to live like this or not, no one here knows you, your husband or specific details no matter what you write.
There are 3 sides to the truth, yours, his and the actual truth.
^ This!
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrs.mhernandez
Then he said "I can't wait to get my Visa" over and over again which to me implied he wants to leave me. He is currently in process of getting a permanent residence card.
That's where I stopped reading. That just raises so many warning bells. It sounds like he's been putting up with you long enough to get his green card. It seems that he's been unhappy in your relationship and is doing the absolute minimum for another 1.5 years, until he can be free. It wouldn't be the first time this has happened.
And seriously? You're going out on a date with and kissing another guy, and you've been thinking of other men (I read some of your other threads too). Do you have a low self-esteem? Are you afraid to be on your own? Honestly, I have a hard time understanding why you're trying to make this "marriage" work when he's been so rotten to you.
Reading this thread, I should be appreciated of my drama-free marriage.
I be damn if my husband in his clear minded stated went tongue kissing all hot and heavy with another woman.
btw, that is cheating. It would be a deal breaker for me, that means divorce right ahead.
And OP, if you lock your husband out the whole night (accidently or not)
Your husband own every rights to be pissed of. IT IS HIS HOUSE that you locking him out of.
Good luck OP
Wrong! I didn't lock him out...the front door was open! Dummy thought I was mad (which I wasn't) and jumped off the balcony to go to the bar instead of calling me to let him in. I did not lock him out of the house on purpose
That's where I stopped reading. That just raises so many warning bells. It sounds like he's been putting up with you long enough to get his green card. It seems that he's been unhappy in your relationship and is doing the absolute minimum for another 1.5 years, until he can be free. It wouldn't be the first time this has happened.
And seriously? You're going out on a date with and kissing another guy, and you've been thinking of other men (I read some of your other threads too). Do you have a low self-esteem? Are you afraid to be on your own? Honestly, I have a hard time understanding why you're trying to make this "marriage" work when he's been so rotten to you.
No I do not have low self-esteem, this was just my first serious relationship which happened to turn into marriage. The other guy I was thinking of that was referenced in a different thread is the same guy as the one I kissed...so it's only one person I was thinking of. I've just had a rough life and I don't think I know what a real marriage is supposed to be. My parents used to beat the crap out of eachother in front of me...i remember vividly when we went on vacation to florida one time and they were choking eachother in the hotel bed next to us. My father cheated multiple times. I saw him get taken to jail for busting my moms lip. I think that's why i'm so afraid...it's like i'm trying to abandon ship before it gets worse...
I think that you have a 'green card' marriage- he married you so that he can stay in America.
He's acting romantic now so that you won't leave him and mess up his chances. Please, leave now (make sure that you have a safe place to go to), continue with your counseling and start divorce proceedings. No one should have to live with someone who can't control his anger. He punches the wall today, tomorrow it could be your face.
No I do not have low self-esteem, this was just my first serious relationship which happened to turn into marriage. The other guy I was thinking of that was referenced in a different thread is the same guy as the one I kissed...so it's only one person I was thinking of. I've just had a rough life and I don't think I know what a real marriage is supposed to be. My parents used to beat the crap out of eachother in front of me...i remember vividly when we went on vacation to florida one time and they were choking eachother in the hotel bed next to us. My father cheated multiple times. I saw him get taken to jail for busting my moms lip. I think that's why i'm so afraid...it's like i'm trying to abandon ship before it gets worse...
That sounds like a really rough way of growing up, and I'm honestly sorry to hear that, OP. It certainly explains a lot. You have not had a good frame of reference for what healthy, happy relationships should be...and I think a lot of people who have had successful relationships can see that your current one doesn't qualify. I don't think anyone in their right mind would fault you for abandoning this sinking ship - it doesn't have to become your parents' marriage before it becomes "bad."
If I were you, I would get out before it gets to that point. You're only 23! Life is too short to put up with bad men and bad relationships.
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