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OP, I'm sorry but get over it. Other women may be interested in your hubby. Probably mainly because they know he is married. This stuff happens. You are a woman so it wouldn't be hard for you to rebound anyway.
Made his favorite dinner...dressed nicely...glass of wine..his reaction is....he doesn't want to talk about "my" problem. There is nothing going on and I am being petty. I don't want him to have friends. He gets more understanding and support at work....I guess I have decisions to make
Lipstick on his shirt, and there's nothing going on?
What time is it where you live? Is he going to bed early?
What the H---... my husband just came back into the family room smiling talking like we never had the earlier conversation. He came over gave me a hug said he was tired and going to bed???? Were we not even in the same conflict 2 hours ago with me assuming I need to decide how to handle our impending split? What world is he in that he thinks I will accept the amount of disrespect I have been receiving?
He either
A) doesn't care.
B) doesn't believe it's an issue for his marriage.
C) thinks you will get over it.
D) all of the above.
All I can suggest is blantantly telling him you're not happy, feel disrespected and are having serious doubts about the future of you being together as a result.
I would suggest you both seek marriage consoling now rather than later if you want this to be resolved before resentment settles and hard feelings make working through it doubly hard.
A mediator here would help you both work through the fluff and come to perosnal conclusions over your feelings on continuing a realtionship together
I am not in your realtionship to know what's what with you guys but one thing is clear, you do not have the same philosophy regarding boundaries and respecting your SO in a marriage.
Last edited by rego00123; 02-22-2015 at 10:49 PM..
Based on his posts in other threads it probably means that he thinks women all have it easy easy in dating, while he has a hard time because he's a man.
I'm sure this attitude makes him an incredibly charming date and has nothing whatsoever to do with his difficulties.
Based on his posts in other threads it probably means that he thinks women all have it easy easy in dating, while he has a hard time because he's a man.
I'm sure this attitude makes him an incredibly charming date and has nothing whatsoever to do with his difficulties.
That's weird, because generally, men seem to bounce back after a breakup or divorce faster than women. They somehow come up with another partner remarkably quickly, generally speaking. Women take longer to find a good match.
That's weird, because generally, men seem to bounce back after a breakup or divorce faster than women. They somehow come up with another partner remarkably quickly, generally speaking. Women take longer to find a good match.
He was trying to say females have an easier time attracting attention.
He said with a huge chip of bitter...but he said it none the less.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
He decided to put a good face on it, and pretend everything's fine.
Made his favorite dinner...dressed nicely...glass of wine..his reaction is....he doesn't want to talk about "my" problem. There is nothing going on and I am being petty. I don't want him to have friends. He gets more understanding and support at work....I guess I have decisions to make
Sounds like you both are having some issues in the marriage. Are you willing to work with him on his concerns too?
Going from A to Z so quickly (considering divorce) is shutting him out as well.
I would suggest a plan to make time to speak with him about both of your issues, with the understanding that you are both able to express feelings without judgement, and go from there.
I realize it's tough to consider the other person when we're feeling betrayed, but the reality is his actions are a symptom of some issues going on in the marriage.
If there is one thing I have learned after having been in failed relationships is that I had to look carefully at what I did to cause problems.....and I have caused many. I have learned going forward in my relationships, that if I do something wrong then I have to make amends where I need to because it is the right thing to do and it is the right thing to do for any relationship if you want it to work out. (sound like a step program??? It is, and it should be a part of all of our lives regardless of if you are an addict or not. I did go back and make amends to ones in my life where which I have hurt over the past where possible).
Having done that if there is behavior that the other person has that is hurtful and unacceptable to me and having discussed this "behavior" with the other person in as calm and mature a manner as I possibly can (which never happened when I was a drinker), then I listen to their response. If they are unwilling to change their behavior then I have a choice. If I choose to accept their behavior and live with it, then I must try to let it go and know in my heart that I made that choice. No amount of complaining, crying and staying depressed is going to change another person. Believe me, I know. I may later think that I was being unreasonable....(such as when I got upset when my bf didn't end all communications with his ex). There are other things which over time, I realize were not unreasonable to me, however were unreasonable and "demands" on my part in his opinion.
If on the other hand the other person does change their hurtful behavior I need to try to let the past go. No more bringing up the past and what "they did to me" over and over again, as they may decide that living with a nagging female who rehashes things over and over is not what they choose to do. (I am guilty of this "nagging" I hate to admit.) The other person is letting me know by their change(s) that they are wanting the relationship to work out. If I want it to work out I will be grateful that they are making an effort on their part and I need to do what I have to on my side as well.
We all have boundaries and for most of my life I have endured and put up with a lot of things which I didn't have to.....I chose to. (And I know the other person involved with me has had to put up with alot as well). No one forced me to stay in a relationship where it was clear to me in so many ways that I needed to get out long before I actually did. However, I am realizing as I get older and (hopefully) a little wiser.....I have the right to know my boundaries and what is acceptable to me and what is not. I also have the right to happiness. If someone crosses my "boundaries" then I do not have to put up with it like I have in the past so many times.
OP, please do not think I am saying you are nagging, complaining, etc. And it doesn't sound like you really "did" anything to cause your husband's behavior. I am relating my experiences to you and what started out as some misunderstanding or situation like you described, turned into years of fights and years of wasted time . When you are in love with another person and they do not listen to you and take your concerns seriously and instead try and convince you that you are the only one with the problem, I hope you listen to your gut tell you this...."something is not quite 'right' about this". Good luck to you and I hope things work out for you and that you are happy. That is the main thing.
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