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Honestly, if you can't even entertain the thought of going out on first dates, or even talking to somebody casually, online or off, without immediately jumping to thoughts of "What if it ends just like my last relationship did???" "What if he/she doesn't like the same things my ex didn't like and it's all dooooooomed???" etc., you are probably not in a good place to be dating right now. You need to get over some stuff, 'cause you're transferring your insecurities onto new people unrelated to your past.
Good points and probably need to lay low on dating a little bit longer. Will just stick to the occasional casual date and not worry about getting into a relationship yet.
So she is trying to find guys her age or older to see if they are long term relationship material. Plus there is also the physical aspect, I'm in great shape for my age, but I'm not going to be able to compete with a guy who's in their early to mid-30's in certain areas.[/quote]
I don't think you are talking about basketball here. so I have to remind you modern medicine has come a long way. Sure it may cost you a little money , but you should look into it if you think you need it
So I'm back in the dating pool, just dating casually to get an idea of what I want in my next relationship. In my last relationship, in addition to all the bipolar weirdness at the end (which you can read about in my older posts) the only thing that came up over the course of three years was I really my ex's type. When I moved into her house and putting stuff into the room I would use for my office, there was a box of pictures. My ex started to open the box and show me some of the pics. What I noticed is that most of her ex-boyfriends and her ex-husband tended to be younger than her (by at least 5-8 years), blue collar, ex-military, drove jacked up pick up trucks or owned motorcycles. Plus they were into hunting, four wheeling and hanging out at country bars. I, on the other hand, am white collar, have a professional management job and into hiking, climbing and trail running. Don't hang out at country bars, but instead hang out at craft breweries or quirky little dive bars if I go out at all. Plus I was 7 years older than her. My ex said it wasn't an issue, she was done going out with those kind of guys. Liked the fact I was stable and responsible, plus not always hanging out in the garage working on my toys.
One of our mutual friends showed me a picture of my ex on Facebook with one of the guys that she was cheating on me with and sure enough she went back to her old type.
Started chatting with someone that found me on a dating site and seemed to hit it off. She'e educated, professional and in the age range of what I normally date, though at the younger side of it. But she admitted that I was the first older guy that she has corresponded with. Again, like my ex she is into younger guys that are 10 years younger and tend to be current or ex-military.
Do women ever really change their type? Don't want to pursue someone that is going against what they normally date. By my calculations, I'm 15-18 years older than her usual dating pool. She did admit that the reason her relationships don't work or never get off the ground is that younger guys don't want to commit to a 40 year old woman. So she is trying to find guys her age or older to see if they are long term relationship material. Plus there is also the physical aspect, I'm in great shape for my age, but I'm not going to be able to compete with a guy who's in their early to mid-30's in certain areas.
I do. When I was a teen, I loved Asian guys who drove lowered cars.. and were into computers..
I'm still into guys who are into computers, but I like the alternative kind of nerdy boy who's socially aware (politics/society), someone well-rounded. My type transformed into a more well-rounded boy, who came from a rough upbringing, faced adversity only to become a great person that he is today.. which is someone always striving for something more deeper and meaningful.. compassionate man.. an ideal. I've dated different types, but this one is the one type that's not really changed and ages like fine wine.
Don't assume that everyone has just one "type," or a type at all.
You wouldn't be able to tell anything accurate about me by the guys I've dated. All of them, including the man I'm married to, have one thing in common, and that's that they've all been highly intelligent. But other than that, ages, ethnicity, height, profession, appearance, etc. have all been all over the place. Other than liking smart guys, I don't have a type. A number of guys in my past are, well, rather short. Doesn't mean that short guys are my "type," it means that I happened to be interested in some guys who happened to be short, so I accepted it, though it wasn't necessarily my preference. I didn't date a guy who was an auto mechanic because I like auto mechanics...I liked him, and he happened to be an auto mechanic.
If somebody's not interested in you, they're not going to change their mind and reconsider. But if she's willingly chatting with you, there's at least some interest there. Will it last? Who knows? But she may or may not have a rock solid "type." She might just have, "These are the sorts of guys I happen to have dated in the past."
. I would add a few more points. First, don't go in thinking you'll be able to change a person's mind about what they like and don't like. If someone tells me they're not interested in me because of my height, my age, my race, or something else I can't change, I accept it and move on. I won't try to convince them to make an exception for me. Second, a person's preferences aren't necessarily locked in. It's important to always be willing to question whether your own preferences still make sense. What you may have looked for in a partner at age 25 isn't (and probably shouldn't) be what you look for at age 45. Third, don't worry about how you compare to someone's previous partners. Whenever I start dating someone, I never inquire as to the kinds of people she dated before because I don't want to know if I'm similar or different. It's easy to let one's insecurities get the best of you. Everyone has a past, but it's best not to know too much about it.
People who stick with types are better left to those types. If she likes young frat boy jocks who lose count once they run out of fingers and toes, then more power to her. You are not a match. One thing you can't do, is continue searching and dating women who are the same type and expect a different outcome. If you are attracted to a certain type of women who is attracted to a different type of man, you may have to start being a little more selective and pay more attention during the getting to know you phase.
I will say that types we were once attracted to can change. Either by finding attraction in people we were never that attracted to or losing interest in a type that we were once attracted to, each individual is different.
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. I would add a few more points. First, don't go in thinking you'll be able to change a person's mind about what they like and don't like. If someone tells me they're not interested in me because of my height, my age, my race, or something else I can't change, I accept it and move on. I won't try to convince them to make an exception for me. Second, a person's preferences aren't necessarily locked in. It's important to always be willing to question whether your own preferences still make sense. What you may have looked for in a partner at age 25 isn't (and probably shouldn't) be what you look for at age 45. Third, don't worry about how you compare to someone's previous partners. Whenever I start dating someone, I never inquire as to the kinds of people she dated before because I don't want to know if I'm similar or different. It's easy to let one's insecurities get the best of you. Everyone has a past, but it's best not to know too much about it.
