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my girlfriend has a masters degree and plenty of teaching certificates and recently secured a public elementary school teaching job in the region/area we currently both live and work in.
thing is, i do NOT see myself living in this area or potentially even this part of the country for my entire life. i am unsure how willing or ABLE she would be to move if and when an opportunity presents itself.
does anyone have any similar experience or insight? she knows full well my feelings on where we currently live and my desire to potentially uproot in the not-so-distant future.
Time to accept the fact that she will more than likely stay where she is for a few years to get established in her profession
or
move on right now and do not extend the amount of time you are together.
Time to accept the fact that she will more than likely stay where she is for a few years to get established in her profession
or
move on right now and do not extend the amount of time you are together.
i was happy for her and have no problem staying for 3 years or so. i am still establishing myself professionally as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
So you're on two different pages. She wouldn't have accepted a teaching job in an area she didn't intend to stay in for at least the short term.
i've told her i have no issue with staying a few more years (3-5) but that i would most likely want to explore our options as far as other states are concerned within that time frame. we are in NY, i even suggested Central NJ by the beach where i grew up as i am much happier there, but was somewhat stonewalled.
Quote:
Originally Posted by VanHalen5150
She's a teacher, she can get a job anywhere... she can move. If she don't want to, move on
Short term being, at minimum the rest of the next school year...
i am concerned whether she "can" or is willing to. she is on a "tenure track" now and seems hell bent on staying on it. she has all the credentials in the world, even working on a TESOL (english as a second language), and she interviews really well so i am confident she'd have no issue elsewhere. but it seems teachers never really leave their districts.
the general feeling of being confined to this area for the foreseeable future - if she is completely unwilling to ever relocate - is very suffocating.
i was happy for her and have no problem staying for 3 years or so. i am still establishing myself professionally as well.
i've told her i have no issue with staying a few more years (3-5) but that i would most likely want to explore our options as far as other states are concerned within that time frame. we are in NY, i even suggested Central NJ by the beach where i grew up as i am much happier there, but was somewhat stonewalled.
If you were stonewalled, then you know where she stands. If she plans on gaining tenure where she is now, you know where she stands. You know she's unwilling to relocate. You both have a position that you're not flexible on, and that is the very definition of incompatibility. She is living where she wants to live, and it's a place you don't want to live in. Neither of you is likely to change the other's mind.
Well, this seems like much of a communications issues. "You're not sure", "you don't know", "you assume"....have you ever flat out asked her? "Are you on a tenure track?" "Do you want to stay here, even if I am leaving?" There is no point in waiting 5 years just to find out that she never really wanted to leave. Either you'll have wasted 5 years waiting for her, or you will subordinate your dreams to her's. Neither is a good choice. If she wants this job and this life in this town more than she wants you, it's better to find out now. Don't count on her ever loving you more to move with you. She probably never will. Sit down with her, have a real and open talk. Don't hestitate to ask the questions that scare you. And then decide: do I love her enough to stay with her? Will I ever resent her if I stay for her? If you have fundamentally different ideas of what you're life should look like, you will never be happy with each other. Either one of you is always going to have to make huge sacrifices.
So this is a potential problem in 3-5 years. You have no idea what will happen between now and then with your career, her career, or your relationship. It seems as though you are just borrowing trouble.
So this is a potential problem in 3-5 years. You have no idea what will happen between now and then with your career, her career, or your relationship. It seems as though you are just borrowing trouble.
But it is something that bothers him right now. If he feels he needs answers to his questions now, then it won't do any good to postpone that and hope that they resolve themselves in time.
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she knows full well my feelings on where we currently live and my desire to potentially uproot in the not-so-distant future.
