MEN ONLY: Do you think less of a woman who wants to be a full-time mother/wife, PT everything else?? (therapy, 2013)
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It's always astounding to me just how it is that people with no spouses or children or much personal exposure to either or their lifestyles become such in-depth experts and absolute authorities on the behavioral patterns of such a wide and varied cross section of so many married people with children! It really is quite...surprising.
It's always astounding to me just how it is that people with no spouses or children or much personal exposure to either or their lifestyles become such in-depth experts and absolute authorities on the behavioral patterns of such a wide and varied cross section of so many married people with children! It really is quite...surprising.
Equally astounding is people who were just recently married and have not yet had their first children are suddenly experts on relationships and proper family structuring.
Listen, it's quite obvious from your weak rationalizations on the previous page as to why it's "best" for you to stay home what, exactly, your motivations are.
Are there public preschools? I wasn't aware that I had the choice of a public or private preschool.
Yep. At least where I live. My sons school is private but offers financial aid for parents that can't afford it. But there are public pre schools at many of the local elementary schools.
I've never done daycare so I don't know the differences in cost but the pre-k tuition would be difficult to swing for someone that didn't make very much money.
I would absolutely defer to people who don't have, want, or intend to have children on ALL things related to child development, not my own years of academic and professional training on human development or a career spent in the field (probably because any knowledge gleaned from a career spent in the field is, of course, completely negated, null, and void if I opt to stay home for any length of time with a small child!) It only makes sense!
Not if they're infant-pre-K (the time when it is most important to many parents who choose to go the stay-home route to do so).
And, no, past pre-k, children are not, in fact, at school "all day," at least not the length of a parent's standard workday.
Yeah? You've run substantive research on this based on exhaustive data collection? Or is this a "My cousin's wife is soooo lazy..."-type anecdote?
Here's my anecdotal observation from my own life: My messiest house situations? Have always, without fail, been when I am working 50-70 hour work weeks and am simply never around to do much but grab a few hours of sleep, dirty a few dishes to quickly wolf down some food, and maybe do laundry once in a while. Am I to then extrapolate and argue that all women who work FT outside the home ALWAYS have a disastrous house, simply because that's when it's typically been hardest for me, personally, to keep up with housework? That doesn't seem like it would be a fair generalization. It seems like something that might just be specific to the individual, and not part of some greater "career women focus on their jobs at the expense of keeping up on their housekeeping" stereotype. Y'know?
And, truthfully, if I have an infant or toddler at home, my attention is going to be on the infant/toddler, not on sitting them in a bouncer, pack & play, carseat, or crib while I run dustbunny patrol, plan and shop for elaborate dinners, and scrub toilets. If I'm home with my kid, my focus is predominantly on my kid, and secondarily on chore completion. There's a reason that early childhood caregivers aren't splitting their time and attention between childcare and performing tasks relevant to custodial, meal prep, and maintenance work around the center.
All the Sahm I know have messy houses. Not because they are lazy though but that it becomes difficult to keep up with the kids making messes all day. My home is clean now and it also was clean when I stayed at home with my son. But he was 2 and under when I stayed at home. Now that's he's older and doesn't take long naps it would be harder to keep the house as clean. I've never done daycare but my sons preschool is pre-k to 8th grade and the hours and the way it's run is similar to a regular elementary school. I have friends who've done daycare and it seems widely different from my sons school. He's at the school for approximately 30 hours per week, no napping, and learning, he gets homework, etc. They have a cafeteria, an actual gymnasium, etc. When he gets home from school he still has 4.5 hours with me before bed.
Again no knocking Sahm because I've done it before and know what it's like, but I like my situation and wouldn't trade it in unless my son was actually not benefitting and he is benefitting far more to me. But everyone is different.
I would absolutely defer to people who don't have, want, or intend to have children on ALL things related to child development, not my own years of academic and professional training on human development or a career spent in the field (probably because any knowledge gleaned from a career spent in the field is, of course, completely negated, null, and void if I opt to stay home for any length of time with a small child!) It only makes sense!
Oh...wait...that's not right...
Oh yeah, I forgot, you're finishing up an advanced degree that you don't intend to use.
Ah yes, the ivory towers of academia, anointed by the high priestesses of feminism and political correctness, are definitely where we should all be taking our marching orders from.
Children were better off when rocks and sticks were part of their complete breakfast.
All the Sahm I know have messy houses. Not because they are lazy though but that it becomes difficult to keep up with the kids making messes all day. My home is clean now and it also was clean when I stayed at home with my son. But he was 2 and under when I stayed at home. Now that's he's older and doesn't take long naps it would be harder to keep the house as clean. I've never done daycare but my sons preschool is pre-k to 8th grade and the hours and the way it's run is similar to a regular elementary school. I have friends who've done daycare and it seems widely different from my sons school. He's at the school for approximately 30 hours per week, no napping, and learning, he gets homework, etc. They have a cafeteria, an actual gymnasium, etc. When he gets home from school he still has 4.5 hours with me before bed.
Again no knocking Sahm because I've done it before and know what it's like, but I like my situation and wouldn't trade it in unless my son was actually not benefitting and he is benefitting far more to me. But everyone is different.
I have friends that feel like they are better moms while working full time than staying at home all day with the children. I get that. I feel you can be a good parent whether you work or stay at home. What I don't understand are people that think LESS of someone because of their choice. I'm not saying that you are doing that - I don't feel that you are doing that. I think others are doing that. Which I just don't get.
I'm unclear on your second example. Who worked for the first year? You said "the other couple stayed home one year". If they both stayed home, it's not quite the same scenario.
Also, regarding the underlined...I don't disagree with it, but note how easily it could be changed to "mothers are more likely to avoid being in a situation where they're financially supporting their husband and kids".
It's a similar, not identical, meaning....but I'd argue that it's just as true.
Sorry I was unclear. The husband (my co-worker) quit to stay home with the twins, his wife continued to work. He lasted one year, although the initial agreement was for him to be a SAHD until they entered school.
I agree on both counts.
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