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You must not know many women with actual, demanding careers.
Believe me, I understand better than most people what it's like not being able to cope with life's professional (or, in my case, academic) demands. If you want to dedicate yourself to a career that doesn't leave you any time for anything or anyone else, more power to you. But don't drag along some poor sap and just expect him to accept that.
I made my comments about family and I don't even have kids... I've been around the block long enough to see the big picture... something that is missing when you're fresh-faced right out of college looking to get ahead.....
You work hard and you know what... you get more work.... you work harder... you know what... you get more work....
I've been through the corporate mill and have seen the crap....
You have to be dumb like a fox.......
That will make sense to those of us that have been "go to" guys in our careers.....
Yeah... life is life and living is living and work is work... they all have a place.
These youngsters here seem to think that work will save them.............
Ah... the foolishness of youth......
I actually agree with your sentiments.
I've been a SAHP for 10+ years. My first husband was AD military and away on assignments or deployments for a total of 4.5 years after we had kids. So it made sense, logistically and economically, for me to stay home. And I will continue SAH until my youngest is preschool age. I like being home when my older kids come home from school and being available for various activities. I like that we don't have work scheduling issues. Child care costs, ugh, it's just not worth it. It would eat up almost my entire income, so there's no point in pursuing that route.
Neither myself or my husband are the married-to-my-career types. He turned down engineering because he didn't enjoy it. He chose another path, and it isn't one that makes a lot of money, but it's doable for us.
But my staying home doesn't mean I don't have my own identity or goals. I'm college educated and will likely complete grad school and hopefully start teaching (college level) when my youngest is in school.
I've been a SAHP for 10+ years. My first husband was AD military and away on assignments or deployments for a total of 4.5 years after we had kids. So it made sense, logistically and economically, for me to stay home. And I will continue SAH until my youngest is preschool age. I like being home when my older kids come home from school and being available for various activities. I like that we don't have work scheduling issues. Child care costs, ugh, it's just not worth it. It would eat up almost my entire income, so there's no point in pursuing that route.
Neither myself or my husband are the married-to-my-career types. He turned down engineering because he didn't enjoy it. He chose another path, and it isn't one that makes a lot of money, but it's doable for us.
But my staying home doesn't mean I don't have my own identity or goals. I'm college educated and will likely complete grad school and hopefully start teaching (college level) when my youngest is in school.
LOL.. what do you mean you "actually agree"... LOL... did I say something outlandish and controversial??????
I do also find it odd that raising a family is seen as secondary, that is, if you wish to have children. If you don't, well of course it would be secondary to you, and that's OK in my book.
Agreed. If you choose to be a parent, I have no idea why parenting wouldn't be your primary concern, possibly - though not necessarily - to the exclusion of career furthering for a time. If you DON'T want parenting to take center stage, I don't get why you'd choose to be a parent, to be honest. It's not like it's a part-time thing that you do on the side when your job allows.
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I personally am a "career woman" and wonder how I will deal with my future child. My fiance and I have discussed child care, and as of right now, it is hopefully the plan that I will be able to take some time off to take care of/bond with my child, and at least work part time or somehow keep my skillset updated. I am looking to get into front end design/web dev so I could perhaps use the time to do freelance work, or at least stay brushed up. My ideal situation would be to stay home for at least the first 5 years, then return to work full time while my child is in school.
I have always worked, but have recently become a FT graduate student, which is occurring at the same time as starting a family, for us. It's a switch, but it's giving me the best of both worlds. The opportunity to spend a lot of time with my child, ultimately, without my employment or work schedule being a consideration, while at the same time, working on skills critical to my future employment.
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Fiance works in surgery so his hours are more easily manipulated (overnights, weekends) so childcare will hopefully be easier for us to "trade off" while the other leaves for work or is arriving home. Since you can't really pick up the phone while you're inside someone's chest cavity, however, I see myself as being the "primary" caretaker.
The way I see it, if you have the income, adequate money saved, and a plan for the "at home" spouse to keep up on career skills, staying home is a great experience. To me, it's what family is all about.
Yep. I'll be an "at-home" spouse, but will be continuing to pursue a graduate degree while doing so (my graduate program exclusively holds evening classes, so I'm home during the day, and my husband is home to be with the baby when I'm at class. And I'm gaining a continued degree that will be useful for my earning power and personal career fulfillment in the long run.
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Yes, you might pay the "child" penalty, but if that's the case in your field, I can't hate if you choose to work full time. I personally know the value I had as a child in having a stay at home mother. I hope I can afford my children the same benefit.
I think a balance is good. My mother told me she was so wrapped up in being a SAHM that she lost "herself". I don't think THAT was healthy, hence a balance of working after a few years, working part time etc to maintain your contact with the world is very healthy. It's also setting a good example for your kids.
Mine said the same thing. On top of that, she was a farm wife during her SAHM years, and was therefore very geographically and socially isolated...in addition to not having adult interaction anymore at a job outside the home, she didn't get any adult social interaction other than on the phone, as we had no neighbors for miles other than my elderly grandmother, who kept to herself. You do tend to lose yourself if you have no adult interaction other than a few hours a day with a spouse, or a weekly trip into town where you may interact with some grocery store employees. I'm not in the same geographically/socially isolated position, so determining balance will be a bit easier for me. I'm also older than my mom was when becoming a parent, and have had many more years to think about it than she did.
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SO, as a female, I don't so much "judge" other women or men based on their preferences. I would just choose not to date them, as their goals may not align with mine. It was a talk my fiance and I had when we started getting serious, along with money goals and all the other important stuff.
I don't care at all what other women (or men) do. The only thing that matters in my life is that my spouse and I are on the same page as our expectations and desires. And we are.
Also, childcare costs are out of control, and I will minimize them for my family as much as I can, especially in situations where it makes the most economic sense to do so.
I've already realized something at my company...why do I want to get promoted, just to get MORE work? Sure, more pay is always nice, but I am living comfortably on my middle class salary now.
I'm sure it's not this way in ALL fields, but in mine it sure is.
Unless someone started paying me 600K to taste test candy, I'll stick with a healthy balance.
I came to this conclusion for myself a long time ago. In my field, the (slightly) higher pay for the taking on of innumerably more responsibilities is not a tradeoff that is worth it to me. Promotion past a certain point involves willingly taking on a lifestyle that would not allow me the type of work-life balance that the past nearly twenty years in the workforce has taught me is so personally important. There are plenty of people who would find it to be completely worthwhile, and do. I'm just not among them. Higher pay is not worth it when I'm hating life and have very limited time that's mine and mine alone to spend with and on my loved ones. More time to spend with my family is much more important to me than more money to spend on my family, and in my field, it's generally one or the other.
Whats bad is that with more then 50% divorce rate, a woman that has nothing to fall back on will have a tough time if they have to find work later in their life..
I personally like a woman with a career and sharing the parenting. Ambition can be very attractive in a woman.
Whats bad is that with more then 50% divorce rate, a woman that has nothing to fall back on will have a tough time if they have to find work later in their life..
I personally like a woman with a career and sharing the parenting. Ambition can be very attractive in a woman.
The divorce rate is not over 50%.
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