How do you really know if a friend is a physically abusive relationship? (wife, married)

[HappyFarm34]

I recently visited a friend. She had a silver dollar sized bruise on her upper arm. I asked what happened. She says her husband accidently hit her while they were in bed. I don't see her very often and have only seen her husband around a handful of times. Then she made a comment about having to wear long sleeve shirts to work so her co-workers don't question about it.

[BirdieBelle]

What did she say when you asked her?

[HappyFarm34]

Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life

What did she say when you asked her?

her husband had accidently hit her causing the bruise

[lilyflower3191981]

Originally Posted by HappyFarm34

I recently visited a friend. She had a silver dollar sized bruise on her upper arm. I asked what happened. She says her husband accidently hit her while they were in bed. I don't see her very often and have only seen her husband around a handful of times. Then she made a comment about having to wear long sleeve shirts to work so her co-workers don't question about it.

Maybe she was telling you the truth.

I know couple of women in long term abusive relationships. To be completely honest, I don't think these women need unwanted advice. Sometimes, they just want others to say "your husband still loves you."

I have a one size fits all response to women like that, "I will always support you no matter what you decide to do. I am here for you."

[Ashleyga]

It's probably true.

If it isn't, you'll realize quickly. If she's always covering herself and showing up with unexplained bruises, its' safe to assume she is being abused.

[oregonwoodsmoke]

It's difficult to tell from the outside. A wife who is bruised and broken is probably being abused, but not always. When I was first married, I trained horses for a living and I was always bruised, had black eyes and several broken fingers. Maybe my friends thought my husband was a monster, but it was the horses who did it to me.

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by HappyFarm34

her husband had accidently hit her causing the bruise

So you asked her if he hit her intentionally? Or did you ask, How did you get that bruise?

[cindersslipper]

I have a friend who I suspect is being emotionally abused.

She used to be happy go lucky, proud of her singledom, then met a guy who....

Well, at the very least, he doesn't treat her well even in public.

What to do?

Once upon a time I would've tried to talk to her. These days I realize its futile and will only put more pressure on her and possibly cause her to disappear all together from my life.

Its really a no win situation particularly if you are very fond of your friend - otherwise id say walk away from the drama.

With my friend, who is NOT being physically hurt, its just a matter of holding on until the s888 hits the fan and be there to pick up her pieces.

Shame is overwhelming for these victims, God alone knows why, but I suspect its because old fella convinces them its all THEIR fault, if they weren't so xyz he wouldn't need to smack her across the face, etc.

Wrong, and sick. I simply have no clue on the answers.

[HappyFarm34]

Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life

So you asked her if he hit her intentionally? Or did you ask, How did you get that bruise?

I just asked "How did you get that bruise?"

[vigueur2014]

I would say, that if your friend, has suddenly become distant. If she has broken get togethers, which is something she never used to do. If she has a change in personality, where she acts depressed.....