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I think if someone were to tell me this, my self esteem would be crushed. And you said he's a shy guy, so obviously he already has low self esteem. I wouldn't tell him, directly at least. At the most I would hint at it. Sex isn't everything. Learn to pleasure yourself. I've done it all my life.
I mean if it's really important to you, tell him, but man.... he's gonna lose his manhood big time...
I think if someone were to tell me this, my self esteem would be crushed. And you said he's a shy guy, so obviously he already has low self esteem. I wouldn't tell him, directly at least. At the most I would hint at it. Sex isn't everything. Learn to pleasure yourself. I've done it all my life.
I mean if it's really important to you, tell him, but man.... he's gonna lose his manhood big time...
It's clear from this and other posts that you need psychological help to overcome your issues.
Pleasure yourself, yes, but sex IS a big part of a romantic relationship. And the secret to connecting intimately with someone is confidence.
Good sex requires trust. You have to trust the person you are with so you can let yourself go and enjoy each other. So if your self esteem would be CRUSHED after a suggestion from a lover, you have some work to do.
The mod cleaning up is kind of a bummer -- I feel like I'm watching a Rated R movie on the airplane with all of the good, juicy bits cut out and what's left is too tame to enjoy. LOL, j/k
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forum_Newbie
Wow - 88 responses in 3 days.
I admit I haven't read all the responses, but I don't think anyone is BAD in bed. Rather I think there are people who are inexperienced, who haven't been with partners they can really be intimate with. I remember in my late teens, early 20's being soooooo self conscious. Wanting to please the man I was with, but not comfortable enough with my own sexuality to TALK about what I wanted, what felt good.
As time and experiences went on, I got more confident, more comfortable, more open. The best sex I ever had was with a partner I felt no inhibitions with. No nervousness, no self-consciousness, completely open to. We clicked intellectually which for me, if want to be in my bed, you have to stimulate my mind first. Sex with him gets better every time.
The bottom line is this: No one was a great lover the first time they had sex. But with the right partners, the right experiences, you get better every time.
I would have to say a big fat negative to the bolded.
In another post, I mentioned a relationship I had while in college. Wonderful, sweet caring guy who I was beginning to think of as possible husband material after college. Only one problem with him and I found it out three months into the relationship, at which point I started to refer to him as "One Minute Max" when talking about him with my roommate. His idea of foreplay was taking off his tightie-whities. When he achieved orgasm (usually within a couple minutes) that was it, he was done. I tried everything- subtle suggestions to asking him straight out if we could "take things slower and make it more enjoyable for me." Nada, and I eventually broke up with him. In my mid-30's he found his way into my life again and we started dating again. He was divorced, no kids, but still the sweetest, nicest guy in the world. Then came that fateful evening and I found out he was still "One Minute Max."
Talk to him
Direct him gently
Keep your "private, intimate details" between you and the one you are intimate with.
I hear the "talk gently" about sex to guys because they get their little egos hurt so easily...then I hear that they don't take hints and can't read your mind...so be blunt or be nice...usually guys don't listen either way when it comes to sex, unfortunately!
Long story short. Been with boyfriend for 5 months. Waited to do the deed. When it finally happened in December, it was awkward, terrible and over very quickly. I put it down to first time nerves as he is quite a shy guy, except every time since then the sex has got shorter and shorter - the last time it was over in less than 2 minutes flat. I am getting more and more frustrated because he doesn't really do foreplay and when he does its not very good. He expects Mod cut..
I've tried to talk to him about this in a very gentle way because I know it is a sore point for most men. Mod cut. He said its my responsibility whether I get anything out of sex (though I think this was just him being defensive). Its a weird situation because to me he feels very inexperienced but he was in a relationship with someone for 3 years before he met me.
I really like him aside from this but the sex situation is really getting me down.
Mod comment 03/17/15: This thread has been cleaned up. People, please remember to keep it PG-13. The topic can easily be discussed without using graphic language.
Carry on.
Guys only get b's a couple times before I expect some very similar consideration from them...no free "rides" as it were (pun intended). Foreplay is a given, not a nicety. And tell your guy to get himself off before you get together - maybe that'll slow him down a bit...and you do use condoms, right? They're good for that as well as BC and STIs.
Another option is to get him off in a second-base sort of way and then while he recovers you get half an hour of foreplay.
I think if someone were to tell me this, my self esteem would be crushed. And you said he's a shy guy, so obviously he already has low self esteem. I wouldn't tell him, directly at least. At the most I would hint at it. Sex isn't everything. Learn to pleasure yourself. I've done it all my life.
I mean if it's really important to you, tell him, but man.... he's gonna lose his manhood big time...
Wow!
Dude! You have to get some therapy or something.
I hate your 'Name!' Nobody should label anybody as a 'Worthless human' let alone calling yourself that.
Build yourself up! Say something nice to yourself every single morning when you look in the mirror.
If you don't convince yourself you are a good person than obviously no one else will.
The mod cleaning up is kind of a bummer -- I feel like I'm watching a Rated R movie on the airplane with all of the good, juicy bits cut out and what's left is too tame to enjoy. LOL, j/k
That's very selfish. You're essentially saying that you'd rather your woman fake it with you and TCB herself, instead of putting your own fragile ego aside to make sex a mutually enjoyable experience.
Quote:
Originally Posted by worthlesshuman
I think if someone were to tell me this, my self esteem would be crushed. And you said he's a shy guy, so obviously he already has low self esteem. I wouldn't tell him, directly at least. At the most I would hint at it. Sex isn't everything. Learn to pleasure yourself. I've done it all my life.
I mean if it's really important to you, tell him, but man.... he's gonna lose his manhood big time...
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LOL, j/k
