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I have been living with my boyfriend for about 3 1/2 years we had a child 14 months ago. I no longer want to live with him for the following reasons ... he will not try to get a job ,he treats me like crap, he talks to other girls on the computer and the phone and he doesn't hide it when he does it. He claims he needs to smoke pot because it calms his nerves. When we first got together I really thought we might get married and when we had a child together I made the mistake of giving her his last name and I put his name on the birth certificate. We will never get married . I don't love him anymore. When I said I was going to leave him ... he threaten me "fine go ahead if you never want to see you baby again" he said he would get a laywer and get custudy of our child. Is there any way he can do this to me ? I am the one that works and supports us ... He gets SSI for autism and other mental problems . He also saids he needs to smoke pot . I don't want our child in this situation anymore I am tried of it..... but I am scared I will never see my child again if I try to move ... what should I do??
Go to a local shelter now! Your local police can give you information, also the phone book, or on line. Go! Take as much paperwork for you and baby as you can.
The judge will look at the best interest for your child. You can get a court order in a custody case to get him drug tested. You have stable employment. If he is abusive in any way to you, I would get an order of protection on him first. If you can I would get a good laywer, and if you can not afford one, I would look into legal aid. Do not just run away with the child, that will work against you, unless he is abusive, and then I would seek out a family shelter, then start court proceedings.
I have been living with my boyfriend for about 3 1/2 years we had a child 14 months ago. I no longer want to live with him for the following reasons ... he will not try to get a job ,he treats me like crap, he talks to other girls on the computer and the phone and he doesn't hide it when he does it. He claims he needs to smoke pot because it calms his nerves. When we first got together I really thought we might get married and when we had a child together I made the mistake of giving her his last name and I put his name on the birth certificate. We will never get married . I don't love him anymore. When I said I was going to leave him ... he threaten me "fine go ahead if you never want to see you baby again" he said he would get a laywer and get custudy of our child. Is there any way he can do this to me ? I am the one that works and supports us ... He gets SSI for autism and other mental problems . He also saids he needs to smoke pot . I don't want our child in this situation anymore I am tried of it..... but I am scared I will never see my child again if I try to move ... what should I do??
Get to the nearest battered women's shelter if you think there is any faint chance he will get violent. If you take the baby with you you will almost certainly keep custody as long as you want it -- in child custody as with everything else "possession is 90% of the law," so your best move is to keep the baby in your possession. No matter what he says, don't even consider leaving the baby with him because then he will have the leverage to separate the two of you permanently, saying you abandoned the family.
Once you have possession he would have to somehow prove you are an unfit mother to get the baby taken away, which is very hard to do unless you are failing to feed, change, hold or otherwise care for the child.
I have a job right now... where I live with him... I want to move back with my parents. I would not have a job at first I am sure it wouldn't take me very long to find one. Then I want to get my own place.. He is not physically abusive to me .. but he is mentally abusive... he saids hurtful things all the time ... I dont want to stop him from seeing his child .... I told him I would not stop him from visitation... My mom saids I should ask for suppervised visits to begin with especially with the pot smoking thing going on .....and he threatens to kill himself if I leave because he can't live without seeing his baby .... he really don't care if he sees me .... he just wants the baby and he has made that very clear......
I have a job right now... where I live with him... I want to move back with my parents. I would not have a job at first I am sure it wouldn't take me very long to find one. Then I want to get my own place.. He is not physically abusive to me .. but he is mentally abusive... he saids hurtful things all the time ... I dont want to stop him from seeing his child .... I told him I would not stop him from visitation... My mom saids I should ask for suppervised visits to begin with especially with the pot smoking thing going on .....and he threatens to kill himself if I leave because he can't live without seeing his baby .... he really don't care if he sees me .... he just wants the baby and he has made that very clear......
This is abuse. Go to your parents. You are not responsible for him!
thanks for all the advise.....I guess I am just scared that he will find a lawyer that will play dirty and take my child .... even though there is no way he can prove me unfit in anyway... I provide for , care for , and love my child ..... as a matter of fact I go to work and I work 6 to 8 hours a day and as soon as I walk in the door he tells me that I am home now so I can take care for the baby now .... His job is done....
1. You should not care what he wants.
2. You have no control over what he does, only what you do.
3. The welfare of your child is your biggest concern right now. Why in God's name anyone would have a baby with a total creep like this is beyond me. You better get your s**t together and get this piece of crap out of your life. What took you so long?
4. A shelter might be better than your parents for awhile, since he would not be able to contact you there. They also have experienced personnel who can help you sort things out, which you really need.
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,535,702 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by j&g_gma
I have been living with my boyfriend for about 3 1/2 years we had a child 14 months ago. I no longer want to live with him for the following reasons ... he will not try to get a job ,he treats me like crap, he talks to other girls on the computer and the phone and he doesn't hide it when he does it. He claims he needs to smoke pot because it calms his nerves. When we first got together I really thought we might get married and when we had a child together I made the mistake of giving her his last name and I put his name on the birth certificate. We will never get married . I don't love him anymore. When I said I was going to leave him ... he threaten me "fine go ahead if you never want to see you baby again" he said he would get a laywer and get custudy of our child. Is there any way he can do this to me ? I am the one that works and supports us ... He gets SSI for autism and other mental problems . He also saids he needs to smoke pot . I don't want our child in this situation anymore I am tried of it..... but I am scared I will never see my child again if I try to move ... what should I do??
No unemployed pot head getting government support for mental issues would get custody of a child. You aren't married, so dear, just leave. Sympathizing with you, but not understanding why you haven't left two years ago.
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